Hogan Knows Best Recap – Season 3, Episode 12 – Animal house

|

Hkb3_e12_21_1

Despite what it looks like, no animals were harmed in the making of this TV show.

Hkb3_e12_15

Humans, however, are an entirely different matter…

This episode starts off crappy Video_icon. Literally. Brooke and Linda ride in a huge limo with a few of their dogs and one of them decides to unleash, as it were, right there. It’s pretty courteous, however, that the dog decides to do its thing on some paper that’s on the floor.

Hkb3_e12_1

Brooke and Linda complain. Blahblahblah, poop smells. That’s life. The ordeal turns into something of a comedy of errors when Linda is squirted by the hose of a man they pass watering his lawn. See, the windows in the limo are open to rid the car of its doggy stench, which gives the prankster an open shot of the Hogans. Being hosed off makes the female Hogans pissed off, if you can imagine.

Hkb3_e12_2

Brooke has the driver stop the car so she can get out and yell at the man with the hose in his hand. "Do you think that’s nice to do to two ladies in a limo?" Haha, Brooke just called herself a lady. She’s 18! And really, he wasn’t going for nice. After Brooke sashays back toward the limo, a cop car rounds the corner. Linda gleefully reports what happened and the cop seems to respond. This makes the Ladies Hogan ever so happy.

Hkb3_e12_3

There really never is a cop around when something like this comes up, so you can understand their glee.

The ladies arrive home and tell Terry about what happened. He wants to crush the dude that dared to squirt his ladies, but Brooke assures him that she "took care of him." "I verbally lashed him out," she says. And with such cunning linguistics! Then, we get to the real meat of the episode: dog meat. Well, just dogs, really, but wouldn’t it be exciting if the Hogans decided to start eating their pets? Anyway, said pets are out of sorts, maybe because of the move from Clearwater to Miami. A montage of dog antics ensues. Included are examples of inopportune excrement, finicky eating and furniture destroying.

Hkb3_e12_4

Then: something terrible. Terry’s yellow frog that is apparently kept in a jug in the kitchen jumps into a bucket of ammonia nearby. He, obviously dies. Terry’s really broken up about this.

Hkb3_e12_5

OK, so maybe there were animals harmed in the making of this TV show. Linda storms out because she can’t deal. When we next see her, she’s come back from the grocery store. Ah, shopping therapy. She says that someone she met in the store told her about this place called Dog Bar, which is a spa and boutique for dogs. Society just keeps on progressing. Dog Bar, apparently, offers classes in "doggy yoga." Linda, apparently, thinks this is a worthwhile endeavor so she rounds up her family and her 500,000 dogs and takes them for some yoga. Video_icon

Hkb3_e12_7

The yoga is instructed by this woman:

Hkb3_e12_8

She informs the Hogans that doggy yoga will help the dogs release their tension. And seriously, after their 60-hour work weeks, dogs have a lot of tension to release. Margot shows the Hogans some moves to try with their dogs…

Hkb3_e12_9

This, she says, will help the dogs "release their spine." Uh, don’t they need their spines?

Hkb3_e12_10

Apparently, acting like a 7-year-old and doing a seated dance with your dog qualifies as "yoga." Little girls have been releasing their dogs’ tension for hundreds of years, they just didn’t know it. Ultimately, Linda concludes that yoga isn’t for her or her dogs. A shocking twist!

Then, Linda gets a massage Video_icon and, while on the slab, tells her masseuse of her canine calamity.

Hkb3_e12_11

The masseuse informs her that there’s such thing as massage for dogs. Of course there is. This, says the masseuse, may help relieve the stress the dogs are feeling from the move.

Linda calls and arranges for the dog masseuse to come over.

Hkb3_e12_12

Bonny leads Linda in some rubbing. Exposed animal penises ensue.

Hkb3_e12_13

Oh yeah, like we were really going to take a screen shot of that. Pervert!

After Bonny leaves with the viewers’ dignity, Terry has a run-in with one of the Hogans’ birds.

Hkb3_e12_14

Things just keep getting worse for the Hogans and their dealing with animals Video_icon. What’s next, chicken pox? Mad cow disease? Chiggers?

Linda decides to nip the pet problem in the bud once and for all by calling…a pet psychic.

Hkb3_e12_16

This woman dangles a crystal on a string (a "pendulum") over some circular cardboard and, apparently from that, can look into the previous lives of the Hogans’ animals. Seriously. Nothing that she says has anything to do with the dogs’ current behavior, but no one seems to mind. When asked about the dog Molly, the psychic says that Brooke knew her in a previous life, when Brooke was a young boy in Italy. Here’s Nick’s reaction and it should be yours, too:

Hkb3_e12_17

Nick leaves the room and goes upstairs to get on the intercom to pretend that he’s the spirit of Molly (or maybe another dog, Muscles — it’s hard to tell). The psychic is not amused. Then she makes Linda cry when Linda asks about Foxy, who’s apparently getting up there in years. The psychic makes reference to Foxy’s imminent death. Nice!

Hkb3_e12_18

Linda says something about Foxy being her "soul mate." Suddenly the psychic doesn’t seem so weird at all.

After the psychic leaves, Linda seems satisfied with what went on. She refers to the psychic as a "psychologist." If she’s a psychologist, then the poop at the beginning of the episode was chocolate. The episode ends with some back-and-forth joking between Terry and Linda. Terry makes a "doggy style" joke and that’s it. A classy end for a classy season of Hogan Knows Best. However will they top it?

  1. Andrea Lowe says:

    I have heard the recent phone calls between Nick and his family since he has been locked up. He should have been tried for attempted murder. He essentially killed this boy and he is crying that 8 months of his life is being taken away. How about the man who will be a vegetable for the rest of his. His mother is a self centered, uneducated, moron (I’m keeping it clean for this comment). She actually said she is suffering more than the boy Nick hurt. The whole family is nothing but trash with money. I hope the family of this boy sues and wins big since the only thing these pieces of trash understand is money. I hope this kills all their “so called” careers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. Traveler says:

    Sorry Hulk,

    You are a scumbag just like your worthless piece of dog crap son. I hope the wolrd see’s the clip of you discussing the new “reality series” you and scumbag junior were discussing while he was behind bars for destroying his so-called friends life. What a let down. Money at the cost of misery will do you in. BROTHER!!!

  3. twolips says:

    hulk hogan’s whole family is pond scum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    his wife looks like a 50′s hooker and his son is a spoiled dick and hulk himself is an ignorant
    a-hole who lets that brat drive like a bat out of hell and ruin that other boy’s life then blames it on his behavior. saying God is punishing him for it!!!! REALLY!!!!!!

    linda on the other hand is a pig that says she is the one that is suffering while the other boy lies in the hospital for the rest of his life…

    i hope they get sued for everything they have and never have another show again in this lifetime.
    like anyone would like to see that little nick a-hole have his own show. get a life you idiots.

    the only one that is sorta of normal and i feel sorry for is brook for having such cruddy and sick parents and a brother that only cares about himself. he should have gotten 20 years for involuntary manslaughter!!!!!

  4. Bluedogmoos says:

    I do not know the Hogans. I really enjoyed their Hogan Knows Best series. Hulks seems like an awesome fella, and truly adores his children. His wife seems to have lost a good deal. About the car accident. It is a true tragedy. Extreme sports have extreme consequences. I understand that the youngest Hogan got some jail time.

    I wish this family the very best.

  5. tim says:

    i think that ts is a bunch of bull that you guuys keep on with the bs with hulk hogan and his son. i used to like him as a wwe superstar, but after seen him with the kid in the car accident i decided not to watch him at all. his progaming stinks now i am not going to watch his daughters programing becqause they are not sympathetic at all. i think that they should be all fired. i used to watch american gladiaters to but i no longer watch them because of what he said.