If you’d like to make a call, please hang up and deposit 15 minutes…
The episode begins on a congenial note: Traci Bingham and Ron Jeremy work out.
If it surprises you that Ron works out, considering the overall state of his body, just imagine what he’d look like if he didn’t. Not that it would matter to Traci, who says she loves Ron the way he is and that she thinks of him as "somewhat of a [sic] odd older brother." Yeah, it’s somewhat odd to have your older brother constantly feeling you up.
Then, we cut to Chyna’s puppies, and her…
Chyna is tired of her yappy little dogs. She is considering cooking them to shut them up.
Just kidding. She’d never hurt her pets. But there is something very, "Time to make the donuts," about that shot, no?
So, anyway, she sends her dogs away. And when the dog’s away, the master will…
…try on Traci Bingham’s jeans? Whatever, at least they fit. Traci says she can’t believe Chyna’s body and she surely is not the only person in the world to have ever said that.
Then, Robin summons the celebs and they sit in a formation like so:
The first thing the celebs learn is that there is no more B-list. Everyone’s competing for themselves. This is undoubtedly a relief to viewers tired of Traci’s incessant whining. Then we find out the celebs’ challenge for the week: they will have eight hours to phone the most famous people they know in an attempt to get said famous people to call them back. The calls will be tallied and weighted. Star power will play a factor — the bigger the star to call back, the more points for the Surreal Lifer who’s called.
Verne is immediately against the idea.
He says he doesn’t want to bother any of his friends. Andrea, too, is against it.
Though in her case, it’s basically because she doesn’t have famous friends. Rob takes issue with the challenge, noting: "So prepare to be hung up on, humiliated and feel like a dork." Yep, just Surreal Life Fame Games business as usual.
Helping screen the calls to make sure they’re legit will be none other than:
This way, Ron Jeremy can’t lie and say, "I have Brad, Angelina, Maddox and Zahara all together on the phone!"
The calls begin and immediately, the room fills with tension.
Pepa yells out that people keep trying to call her back and it’s busy. Rob shushes her and she says, "No, I’m trying to win." Sass and Pepa are a combination almost as wonderful as Salt-n-Pepa.
Andrea tries to calm her nerves via smoking.
Traci freaks out when Ron calls one very special celebrity. She bolts over to Ron’s space to say hi.
She just couldn’t hold back when she found out that Carrot Top was on the phone. That isn’t a joke. It really happened.
Then, probably out of frustration, Verne gets all pissy and storms out.
…or rolls out…
Whatever. As soon as he does, of course he gets a call, and it’s a good one: Ludacris. Then Jesse Jackson calls. Jeez, Verne has awesome friends.
Rob goes to tell Verne the good news and finds Verne in his room. The turn of events gives Verne renewed interest in the competition. The moral of the story is that you should only participate in something if it goes your way.
Then Rob calls Pep claiming in a vaguely disguised voice that he’s "La the Dark Man" from the Wu-Tang Clan.
Pep falls for it, but don’t be mad at her — the Killa Bees’ hive is vast! Bea Arthur could call and say she’s from the Wu-Tang Clan and you’d have to look it up to know for sure if she was telling the truth.
The eight hours ends (already?!) and Andrea’s all broken up about how terrible things went for her.
The breakdown starts here!
The celebs are herded back in the telethon room and told that they’ll have yet another guest to weigh the point value of each celebrity callback:
Andrea’s all, "A Republican?!"
Kennedy will rank what she deems are the Top 50 names on a specially designed meter. Rob takes issue with the meter. He says it’s disrespectful that the people he got involved will be rated now. Wow. Lucidity for real. Rob says he feels that he’s been deceived, and Robin points out that he made it clear that some celeb callers would fetch more points than others.
Rob, who’s practically ranting at this point, makes Kennedy jump through hoops to prove that she’s qualified for the gig. Most of the hoops involve having an awareness of the people that called Rob like Ricky Carmichael. Kennedy, in fact, does know who he is and proceeds to place him near the top of the meter.
But not over Carrot Top! Seriously, is Kennedy qualified to do this? She says her criteria is based on whom could get a table at Mr. Chow most easily. Yeah, I’m sure something Russell Simmons hears all the time is, "I’m sorry, Mr. Simmons. We have no room for you, what with our important clients like Carrot Top and all. Come back later." Kennedy’s high placement of many of Rob’s calls makes people wonder if he didn’t somehow bully her into preferential treatment. The woman thinks Carrot Top is A-list. Anything is possible.
Now, let’s check in with Andrea:
She’s freaking out. Kennedy hasn’t ranked Sherman Hemsley and that was one of Andrea’s surest bets. Andrea, it would seem, is moving on down. Andrea cries and protests and eventually just asks Kennedy to put Sherman on the board, explaining that he’s an icon. If George Jefferson is an icon, George Jetson is a prophet. Anyway, Kennedy ends up ranking Sherman at the top of the list.
Even above Carrot Top!
For the record, this does little to calm Andrea’s nerves:
When all questionable decisions are made and all points are tallied, it turns out that Rob, Ron and Pepa are the only celebs to have scored over 200 points (Rob came in first with 265). In a stunning twist, it isn’t Andrea who’s being sent home this week, it’s Chyna. No one’s happy about that.
Chyna is gracious enough, and goes out with a toast.
Everybody knows that Andrea only got the points she did because she complained so much, and no one’s scared to let her know that they think it’s crap.
She’s all injured, but inside she’s celebrating. She made through it one more week!