You can’t have a comeback without faltering first, and you wouldn’t have Dice Undisputed without both of them. The Celebreality series in which comedian Andrew "Dice" Clay juggles getting his career on track and keeping his family in line has its share of dicey moments — some of them painfully funny, others funnily painful. Our weekly rundown of each episode’s highlights begins after the jump.
The show begins with Dice telling his hand-held camera about his comeback, proclaiming that the country needs a "comedic hero."
He’s speaking from the heart with shaving cream on his face. Comedic-hero potential!
Dice takes a few blows during the episode — the biggest is probably that his road manger, Wheels informs him that he won’t be able to accompany Dice to his next gig. It’s all downhill from there, as said gig is to take place in…Jersey.
The tension mounts between Dice and Wheels as Dice gets his hair cut…
At one point during their ongoing discussion about Wheels’ availability, Dice asks Wheels for a phone. Wheels doesn’t have his phone. Now he’s totally useless. Dice then walks outside, maybe to borrow his fianceé Elanor’s phone, only to find her talking to her ex! Things go from bad to worse to petty when, later at home, Elanor and Dice tear at each other’s throats over the great domestic divider that is soap. The fight escalates and before you can say, "Hickory dickory dock," Elanor is telling Dice to, "Have a good time in Jersey!" That is a condemnation if ever there was.
Dice gets the last laugh, though — literally. He spins the fight into a bit (in Jersey?) to the delight of his rapturous audience. They’re rooting for him domestically and vocationally.
Dice travels to Miami for a gig with his barely competent and lucid replacement road manager, Todd. But really, this episode could have been dubbed "100 Yucks of Solitude" for all the time Dice spends without anyone in front of him. First he’s dissed on the beach…
…then, Todd won’t swim with him…
…and then, the entire trip to Miami loses its point as he arrives at the venue he’s supposed to play, only to find out that he’s not booked that night…
Awkward! He’s told by the club’s owner that he can open for the headlining act, but that kind of sucks. Dice is left out in the cold without an audience besides the millions of TV viewers.
In the end, Todd ends up booking him another gig, which requires the pair to shack up in a single room of a charming place called the Golden Link Hotel . The nice thing is that they probably don’t arouse much suspicion as they pay for the night and not by the hour.
This is how Dice spends the night before his show. At least he isn’t by himself anymore.
Finally, Dice based a career on his way with words, so we’d be remiss if we didn’t share at least one of his gems every week. The Dice Quote of the Week comes from a meeting with Dice’s agent, Dennis, who, within one episode, becomes his former agent. As Dennis breaks down the reality of Dice’s career (basically, Dice can’t fill stadiums like he used to), their talk is interrupted by a call from Debbie Gibson. Here is the face of a man sidelined for an ’80s teen-pop queen in 2007:
Sad. Dennis hangs up and tells Dice, "Debbie Gibson," as though he’s supposed to be impressed. Dice’s retort? "Debbie Gibson, you’re saying it like it’s even a person." Oh! It’s just reality according to Dice after all the reality he has to face. An even exchange, really.