Even though the competition now lacks amateur pin-up Antonella Barba, last night’s episode of American Idol proved that the show still has plenty of boobs on display.
- More than half of the Top 12 gave lackluster, boring performances.
- Three of them (Brandon Rogers, Haley Scarnato, and Stephanie Edwards) forgot the words to their songs.
- All of them were upstaged by Paula‘s tearful breakdown and Ryan and Simon‘s bitchy banter.
Diana Ross was the celebrity mentor, rather than judge, this week because, as she put it, "I have one thing to say: I am not a critic." (Which essentially translates to, "I’ll only say this once: I will not be called a bitch.") But Miss Ross, in pre-taped interviews, went on to give the most insightful critiques that were undoubtedly more helpful, if not more imaginative, than the stock response of "pitchy."
Chris Sligh (the one Horatio Sanz would have played, were he still on SNL) joked with Diana about how they have similar hair, ruining everyone else’s chance to be the first to mock him for it. Luckily, we have Sanjaya Malakar, whose tresses never disappoint us, comedically. Diana actually said, "There’s something in his spirit that is the winning ingredient. And it’s not his hair. OK?"
OK, agreed, especially after Malakar—perhaps taking the protégé thing a bit to seriously—walked out on stage with the same exact hair as Diana Ross. All big and and curly and wild and puffed out, his hair was louder than his voice on "Ain’t No Mountain High Enough."
The standout of the evening was Melinda Doolittle‘s cover of "Home" from The Wiz, which actually prompted Paula to openly cry, which in turn prompted Simon to openly laugh at her.
But the best moment of the show happened just before Melinda took the stage, during her mini-interview with Ryan Seacrest, in which she mentioned that the hardest thing about the competition has been wearing high heels. In his attempt to serve a zinger Ryan asked, "Simon, any advice on the high heels?"
Simon: You should know, Ryan.
Ryan: Stay out of my closet.
Simon: Come out.
Ryan: This is about the Top 12, not your wishes.
Tune in tonight for the results of the vote and to see Diana Ross perform live. Maybe she’ll sing "I’m Coming Out." And maybe someone will be mouthing the words off stage.