Now, Cristal, don’t get hard feelings over your elimination…
That’s the spirit!
At the start of the episode, we’re reminded that Larissa isn’t a morning person.
We already know that she’s a delight at breakfast. With the expression above, you know she would get up all in a bran muffin’s face like, "Give it up. You can’t do anything for my regular-ass ass."
Also, Buckwild and Saaphyri talk about Cristal.
…especially if "you" are a bran muffin and "they" are Larissa. Also: it’s time to get Buck-civil. Except, not really.
The girls are shuttled to California State University Fullerton.
Outside, they learn that today’s commandment is:
Brooke perks up at the mention of the word "spit."
Really, that’s some shtick she has. You should see how wild she gets in the presence of a spittoon. Today, the girls will tackle, in Mo’Nique’s words, "the art of effective communication." You know, say what you will about the way these girls interact, but you’d be hard-pressed to prove that it isn’t effective. You can hear them loud and clear, and there’s never a shortage of emphasis. But whatever — Mo’s the expert! Anyway, what this means is that the girls will engage in an old-school debate. But first, they must be schooled:
Here’s the guy to do it. As Dr. Buschke stars, Saaphyri notes, "The teacher? He thought he was like a master bater. I mean, a master debater, or whatever it is. But anyway, he thought he was a master at it." To be fair, he could still be a masturbator. Who isn’t? We see a full shot of the professor and one thing sticks out as being undebatable:
The atrocity of the sandals-and-socks combination. This suggests that he’s definitely a masturbator. Can’t imagine chicks swooning for socks, you know?
Dr. Buschke goes over some rules of debate:
Can you imagine what this show would be like if the girls actually followed these rules in their day-to-day interactions? Borrrring! Unlearn! Unlearn!
The always-sensible Saaphyri disagrees with these debating rules and presents her own:
Saaphyri is clearly gunning for a job at Fox News. Also: waists have bottoms?
The girls are broken up into teams:
Larissa is mad that she’s on the same team as "sorry-ass Leilene." Ooops. Let’s rephrase that more effectively: Indignant-ass Larissa is mad-ass that she’s on the same-ass team as "sorry-ass Leilene" ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass.
The girls learn more of the basic rules of debate. Arguments, for example, have two parts: claim and support. All of this proves too much for Leilene, whom, it is revealed, did not graduate from high school.
She’s not really sorry-ass; she’s just ignorant-ass.
The girls are given practice topics:
Wow, these are easy. Well, for the pro side, anyway. They might as well have debated whether Charm School is a reality show or whether Mo’Nique thinks skinny women are evil or whether they all have vaginas.
Keith then informs the girls that they will participate in a tournament debate in front of an audience. The girls are first given the topic they will debate:
At first, Larissa is caught mugging like this, but that changes once she hears the full topic:
Faced-ass!
It’s pretty obvious which side everyone will take, but just for the sake of effective communication:
And, there’s one final rule:
The benched girl on each team will not be safe come elimination. The teams discuss which girl to bench.
Everyone on Larissa’s team wants Leilene benched. Courtney reasons that because Leilene isn’t one to fight, she’s not going to argue about being benched. And really, because this is exactly what happens, it just goes to show that Leilene is NOT a debater. She’d probably be too scared to take the negative side anyway, because she wouldn’t want to hurt the plus sign’s feelings.
Over on the other side, Becky makes it clear that she wants Cristal on the bench. This is total vengeance.
Cristal is not happy about it, even though virtually everyone agrees that she should be benched. She asks to debate it. The other girls, sensing the tedium in a pre-debate debate, ignore her and relegate her to the bench. She says she lost out because choosing who would be benched was a popularity contest. Eh, that’s life.
The girls hit the stage for their debate and, across the room, Cristal makes faces at her team. Saaphyri describes it best (and seriously, what doesn’t Saaphyri describe best?):
Demon looks? That sounds fierce and, hey, Cristal is a model.
Leilene, meanwhile, is more supportive of her team:
You can see that she isn’t quite ready to leave the whole "Smiley" thing behind.
The debate begins:
Becky’s opening statement focuses on the fact that no one on Courtney’s team listens to the judges. She charges them with being more concerned with beauty, hair, scheming, plots, friendships than the end result. Brooke’s opening statement suggests that her team desperately needs to be there. "Putting us on the bus is running away from the problem," she says. Um, it’s your problem — putting you on the bus is running away from you.
But whatever.
Next up are Shay and Larissa.
It’s funny that Larissa is listed with "Team Negative" under her. Like, what else is new, you know? She was born on Team Negative. Shay tells Larissa, "You can’t even have a simple conversation without talking like a baby." Larissa, in response, says "judges" about 5,000 times in some incoherent babble that makes her sound…well, like a baby, really. Zing for Shay!
Next:
As usual, Saaphyri provides the most lively language in this situation. She points out Brooke’s display a few episodes ago, in which she lifted up her dress to gross out Schatar. "Did she or did she not take her bra and her top off and shake her breasts in to your face with her nipples by your lips?" Descriptive! Also: that happened? All we saw were some panties. We were robbed! More nipple-lipping, please, Charm School! Because Schatar has nothing to say to this, Saaphyri says that we can assume that it’s true. She interrupts Schatar a few times, perhaps continuing on that line of logic and definitely harking back to her debate rules. At the end, Schatar goes in for the handshake:
…and is left hanging:
Whatever. At least it’s something.
Darra and Courtney close out the debate:
Again, Team Affirmative emphasizes Team Negative’s self-centeredness, while Courtney says that Team Affirmative’s case is irrelevant: if the members of Team Negative are so bad, they need Charm School more than anyone. In the end, that’s the argument that wins: in a somewhat surprise move, Dr. Buschke names Team Negative the winners.
Mo is not happy about this at all and asks him to explain his decision. He says that Brooke’s opening argument about those who are the most refined needing Charm School most of all, attacked the subject intellectually and was never shot down by the other team. And really, as well put together as Team Affirmative was, they really never did anything to disprove Team Negative’s argument — if anything, they just helped support Team Negative’s case by painting them as totally out of control. Mo’Nique still cannot understand this, which is somewhat frustrating ("Why don’t you get it?!"). Larissa takes issue with it, saying that Mo’Nique is just a hater. Takes one to know one!
Besides the rhythmic sway of Larissa’s shoulders, what’s notable about this is that, as she fights with Mo’Nique, she cries.
It’s so weird to see her crack. It’s like seeing your father cry. It’s unnerving. Someone hold me, please.
Things get so heated that Mo gets up from her seat to approach Larissa:
"Larissa, as I told you, you ain’t that special for me to point you out and say I don’t like you. And the reason why I’m having this conversation with you is ’cause not too long ago, Mo’Nique was Larissa. And somebody had to dig in my ass repeatedly and say, ‘Listen, little girl, grow up. ‘Cause you walkin’ around with a chip on your shoulder and life will whip yo ass if you keep actin’ like that.’ And I’mma still stand strong on it. Grow up. Know what you talkin’ ’bout before you start talkin’. Now, you done pissed me off." Do you think the person digging in her ass was Bobby Brown?
Putting the ass-digging behind them (where it belongs, duh!), the girls then hit the Off Campus Pub for, as Becky says, "a little drankin’, smokin’, straight West Coastin’." Is this her way of telling us she has bad intentions? That communication is only semi-effective.
The partying begins:
And then, the real fun:
While it is, on one hand, admirable that Leilene isn’t intimidated by Larissa’s attitude, this is also pretty dumb. It’s like scolding a shark out of principle or putting your face next to a nasty-ass ass because, damn it, you want to put your face there. For your noble intentions, you end up losing. And that’s exactly what happens as this sets Larissa off and she ends up basically calling Leilene a bad mother for stripping (yes, she goes there). Early on in the debate, Shay attempts to diffuse the situation by throwing Larissa’s hair over her face, mid-head-whip:
But Shay’s effort is ineffective:
The girls really get into it, lunging for each other:
They are physically separated, with Larissa yelling, "Stripper-ass bitch! You don’t know me!" But who does, really, with a tough exterior like that?
Outside, Leilene
rants to Saaphyri who seems to be accompanying her out of circumstance and/or obligation.
"I am not going to have someone insult MY MOTHERING SKILLS, because I am a DAMN GOOD MOTHER!" she screams. She seems very patient and understanding. To this, Saaphyri has the best response ever invented in the history of responses: "Whoa! You mad, huh?" Exposing Leilene’s irrational anger in but four cool words is a stroke of genius. Seriously: could Saaphyri be more witty?
Back at home, the girls discuss the upcoming elimination. Becky voices her opinion on whom should be the next to get the boot in no uncertain terms:
"Cristal, she makes me want to vomit in my mouth and throw up and vomit again in my mouth and throw up." Vomit and throw up? Two great tastes that…well, taste the same because they are the same! Whatever, as said above: emphasis equals effective communication. We hear you, Becky, loud and clear.
And so do the judges at panel. But first, Mo gives Larissa another talking to:
"‘Cause when life get ahold of you, it uses no Vaseline. It simply bends you over, and it’s very painful." All right, Mo: enough with the butt talk. She must have gas or something this week.
Meanwhile, one girl’s gas is about to run out:
Leilene and Cristal are in the Bottom 3 because they were benched and obviously didn’t do a good enough job of talking their teams out of those decisions. Basically, they’re bottoms. Bottoms in the Bottom 3. Saaphyri is there because she interrupted Schatar throughout the debate, thus breaking the rules. But whatever, it’s Cristal (whom Saaphyri repeatedly refers to as having a manface) finally gets the boot for her selfish ways and unwillingness to change. "Cristal was too comfortable being Cristal," reasons Mo.
In her exit interview, Cristal says that she’d eat a handful of dirt to be allowed back in the house. See you on Fear Factor, then!
