Lindsay Lohan has been named the hottest woman on the planet by the apparently blind people at Maxim magazine. What are they snorting? Lindsay’s stash?
It’s not that Lindsay is a bad-looking girl — somewhere under her porn-star extensions, raccoon eyes and leathery skin that would look saaaaad on someone 20 years her senior, is a pretty girl. Maybe. But hot? She’s virtually sexless. Even her rack, once impressive in a look-but-don’t-Lolita kinda way, now fails to inspire. Lindsay Lohan completely renounced any idea of hotness the day she revealed that she’s packing cold cuts between her legs. For real: her firecrotch isn’t even hot.
Lindsay beat out Jessica Alba (No. 2) and Scarlett Johansson (No. 3) for the top spot, in something of a superficial travesty. Need more proof of Lindsay’s not-hotness? Check out the shots below the jump. The best is the one in which she’s blowing a kiss. She’s going for Marilyn Monroe and ends up Marilyn Mongross.
In addition to appearance, rank on the Maxim list is also determined by buzz-worthiness. We’ll give Lindsay that — she’s virtually impossible not to talk about when discussing contemporary pop culture (hence this post). But still…the appearance thing is impossible to get over! The only logical explanation? That by "hot," Maxim is referring to Lindsay’s body temperature.
Homegirl sweats like Whitney Houston in church! [AP/Yahoo! / Image credit: Getty]
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