Celebrity Fit Club: Men Vs. Women Recap – Episode 4 – Dustin Off Resentment

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In this episode, Dustin proves to be helpful…

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…funny…

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…and capable of losing weight…

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Wow! What a turnaround!

(Just don’t get comfortable.)

Road trip! This week, the Fit Clubbers are taking their (shrinking) butts to…

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This means that they’ll be hitting the slopes for some frosty fitness. But more importantly, it means that Ross gets to dress up:

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Harvey, who’s there to address the celebs, notes that Ross looks "spiffy." You know Ross wore that muff just for him.

Before the celebs can get down to Fit Camping, there’s some administrative business to tend to: it’s the part of the season when teams must swap members. This would seem to put a cramp in the fact that this season is subtitled Men Vs. Women. But no one protests or seems to care, probably because they’re too busy thinking about food. Everyone is told to write down the name of the person that they think should be kicked off their team.

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Here’s the selection breakdown:

Mo picks Kimberley
Kimberley picks Tiffany

Tiffany picks Kimberley

Brat picks Maureen

Say hello to your new team, Kimberley.

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(Out of frame, Harvey is biting his fist.)

On the men’s side it goes:

Dustin chose Ross, because he says, Ross and Maureen are friends. He even puts a sad face next to his decision to signify the difficulty he had reaching it:

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Ross chose Dustin based on Dustin’s eating habits. Dustin says it makes sense and he’s "glad with that decision." Someone took their Agree-aphil today! Cledus and Warren also choose Dustin, which means he’s going over to the other side.

Then: a new development. Since Kimberley and Dustin were booted, they get to choose another person from their old team to make the move with them. Kimberley picks Da Brat and Dustin picks Ross. This is confusing — it’s like this show is playing Three-Card Monte with us with Weight Watchers cards. To clarify, the breakdown of the teams goes:

Regulators: Kimberley, Warren, Da Brat and Cledus.

The Athletes (named after a joke someone made about their lack of athletic prowess): Dustin, Maureen, Ross and Tiffany.

As the teams get situated, there is more weirdness from Dustin:

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Then, it’s time for Fit Camp. In a Winter Wonderland-meets-triathalon set-up, the celebs will take part in a three-part race consisting of cross-country skiing, snow shoeing and tubing. Whee!

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Since the teams’ times are based on the player who crosses the finish line last, it’s in everyone’s best interest to help their fellow Fit Clubber. At one point, Mo gets stuck and Dustin, of all people, helps get her through the snow. It’s almost creepy how he’s such a good guy in this episode.

In the end, the scores come down to:

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And so Kimberley, Warren, Da Brat and Cledus are gifted a snowboarding package complete with a board and boots and gear. Since they’re, you know, so into snow sports and all.

Then, it’s time for weigh-ins…at the lodge.

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Coziness. Cledus is first up:

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Cledus says this loss gives him "chill bumps." Dude, stop. That’s added mass. He explains his rigorous regimen: while on tour, he would have his bus drop him off and then drive a mile down the road. He would then run to catch up to it. Cledus, people run after buses everyday. You’re just making a mockery of that. This exercise technique is to late people what eating contests are to the starving. Ian is alarmed by Cledus’ insane motivation, but Cledus isn’t quitting any time soon: "I’ll run beside an airplane. I ain’t gonna get on it, but I’ll run beside it." At least Cledus has a sense of humor about his many and several hang-ups. The guy’s all right! Stacy asks what else besides losing weight he’s doing to upgrade himself. Cledus’ response is puzzling: "I’ll probably get me some hair. I got me some hair coming." In the mail, or like, as a mass making its way through the country a la the Blob? Should we be frightened?

Cledus’ weight-loss target for next time is 3 lbs.

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Next up is Ross, the newly named captain of the Athletes:

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There’s some discussion as to whether or not losing weight will make Ross less funny. Less funny? Maybe. Less jolly? Definitely. Also, he refers to himself as a "chiseled love machine," which Harvey takes the opportunity to repeat because he undoubtedly finds the concept exciting.  Ross’ target for next time is 4 lbs.

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Kimberley’s weigh-in is next:

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But the smile fades literally within seconds as Kimberley recounts her tough time since last weigh-in:

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Her grandmother died and was buried on Kimberley’s birthday. Poor thing. There’s also mention of Kimberley being voted off her team. Harvey wonders if Kimberley was kicked off because she was a demanding captain. Well, she did rule with an iron dumbbell. Kimberley’s target for next time is 4 lbs.

Then, it’s Mo’s turn:

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Maureen’s enthusiasm is palpable. What’s better: she’s lost 15.3 percent of her body weight, making her the current leader. However, like Kimberley, she’s soon in tears after Stacy asks why she seemed misty during Kim’s weigh-in.

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Mo recently lost her mother, who, it turns out, was also buried on Mo’s birthday. She could really relate to Kimberley’s story. Mo gives a loving tribute to her mother, talking about how amazing she was as a person and how generous she is. Stacy says she sees that giving spirit reflected in Mo’s relationships with the rest of the Fit Clubbers. There’s nothing even vaguely snotty to say about this: Mo’s a great woman and her pain is truly moving. Also, her target for next week is 3 lbs.

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Next for weigh-in is Da Brat.

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Her target for this week was 6 lbs., but she’s still excited over the loss. However, Ian informs Da Brat that she has the lowest percentage of body weight lost out of everyone, with 6.4 percent. She explains that she fell off the diet somewhat because she went home to Chicago where the cooking is soulful and the pizzas are deeply dished.

Also, Brat did a little something extra in the snow to get in shape…

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She manned a dog sled. So, uh, that’s a workout, huh?

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If she really wanted to burn calories, shouldn’t she have been pulling the sled instead of driving it?

Brat’s target for next week is 5 lbs. However, her determination drives her to gamble: she pledges to lose 7 lbs. If so, Ant and Ian will pay her $100. If she loses 8 lbs., Harvey will give up $100, too. If she fails to meet these goals, it’s she who has to pay. Cliffhanger!

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Then, it’s Warren’s turn.

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Warren’s pretty shocked at his weight loss. He mentions that he ate a steak and did some drinking. That’s cool. Being on a diet doesn’t mean starving yourself, according to Ian. Then Ian asks what’s up with Warren’s drinking and Warren starts to explain that he’s not a heavy drinker. "They gon’ try to make you sound like one," says Da Brat from the peanut gallery. She warns that they’ll make Warren out to be Ned the Wino from Sanford & Son. But she’s off base. Instead, Warren gets compared to Barbara Bush. For real! Harvey says Warren’s gone from looking like Reggie Bush to Barbara Bush. What the hell does that mean? Is Warren running around in white hair, a blue dress and some pearls when the cameras aren’t turned on?

Warren’s target for next time is 4 lbs.

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And then, there is Tiffany, who spent some time on stage since last weigh in.

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From the stage, she makes a funny joke about being shot from the side and how detrimental that can be when you’re overweight. Oh hush, Tiffany. You look mall-tastic. Also, the audience seems to be crazy into her. The cult of Tiffany is actually a fairly fascinating prospect.

Tiffany hits the scale:

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Tiffany reveals some of her workout habits and it’s possible that she’s over-training. Over-training, under-training, nothing is ever good enough for this panel!

Tiffany’s goal for next time is 4 lbs.

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Finally, there is Dustin.

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The panel discusses the fact that he was almost unanimously booted from his team. "I know that I’m abrasive," he says. It’s not the high altitude that’s making you dizzy right now — it’s the unfiltered self-awareness in the air. Dustin goes on to explain that he thinks what drove his teammates to vote him off wasn’t his personality, but his lax approach to weight loss. How ’bout we say, a little from column A and a little from column B and drop it? Dustin is told that his weight-loss target for next week is 6 lbs. He’s not into that — he thinks it’s too high. Ian explains that this is based on his overall target versus the time left on the show. Dustin continues to protest, which frustrates everyone all over again.

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Harvey advises him to drop it, since things have gone so well this episode. Why ruin it? Dustin does. Dropping it: a new concept. Get into it.

Finally, it’s time to reveal the teams’ numbers:

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The Athletes are kicking butt as far as percentage of weight lost goes, too:

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No giant scales this week due to the location change. Kinda leaves your life feeling incomplete, though, doesn’t it?