Porn Doppelgangers: From Katee Holmes to Tyra Banxxx

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According to the New York Post, there’s a new girl on the porn scene and she’s channeling Katie Holmes. An 18-year-old vixen who plans to lose her virginity on film has dubbed herself Katee Holmes, infuriating Mrs. Tom Cruise‘s rep. “It’s a really cheap shot,” says the flak. “Katee is using the name as a tribute to Katie, who has always portrayed an innocence in everything she’s done, beginning with Dawson’s Creek.”

Publicist says “tribute,” I say, “cheap angle.” Because seriously…

Katie_katee

…this girl looks nothing like Katie, which is kind of dire because the name is all she’ll have going for after her first flick. Because, really, once you’ve been deflowered on-screen, the whole innocent routine is kinda like a condom. You can’t really use it again.

Katee is just about the exception to the rule, though — most porn celebrity doppelgangers do a far better job of channeling their source material. After the jump, we go through the porno equivalents of Mariah Carey, Anna Nicole, Janet Jackson and Tyra Banks

Mariah_mary

Based on the slightest of slight resemblances (chipmunk cheeks and a meaty rack) to Mariah Carey, Mary Carey (née Mary Cook) has ridden a hardcore porn career all the way to the mainstream, running for governor of California and, most entertainingly, acting a drunken fool whenever the paparazzi strikes (she’s seriously a lot of fun). She attracted the attention of Mariah, who went on to attempt to legally block Mary from using “Carey,” reasoning that the public was “likely to mistakenly associate the goods offered” by Mary for those offered by Mariah. Haha! Mariah Carey totally admitted that what she does is a stone’s throw away from porn!

Adrianna_anna

The only person in the world less in need of a porn doppelganger than Mariah Carey was Anna Nicole Smith. That’s probably precisely why she got one (porn is, after all, about excess, right?). Adrianna Nicole is the answer to the question, “I wonder what would happen if Anna Nicole’s Playboy work got a little more…pink?” The verdict’s still out on whether someone in the history of the universe actually asked that question.

Jackson_jacme

“What do I say about Janet Jackson? I love her. I took my name from her,” enthuses porn vet Janet Jacme on her site (obviously NSFW). You don’t say, Janet! And what a name it is! The only thing better than the name “Janet Jacme” is the name of one of her favorite movies that she’s starred in (again, per her site): Assliciously Delicious 5. Seriously. In fact, that might be the best name for anything ever. It is, at the very least, a whole lotta “licious.”

Janet Jacme, like Mary Carey and Adrianna Nicole, begs the question: why the hell does Janet Jackson need a porn doppelganger? She does a great job of being porntastic on her own (and has for years!).

Banks_banxxx

In maybe the most famous case of porno cognates, Tyra Banks confronted one Tyra Banxxx on daytime television, showing that if her name is ganked, she’ll gank it right back in the name of ratings. Clearly flattered under her scolding exterior, Banks implored Banxxx to leave the mean world of porn and do something more constructive with her life. Banxxx agreed…and then promptly starred in a parody of Banks’ reality show America’s Next Top Model, which sported the highly clever name, America’s Next Top Porn Model (see box cover above). This, porn stars, is how you mimic your celebrity doppelganger. Banxxx further rubbed in the incident by keeping a shot of she and Banks embracing on her MySpace. The entire incident kicked off Banks’ clear obsession with porn, a topic she’s repeatedly returned to on her talk show (she talked about it twice last week, even!). So really, everybody wins. But then, these stars already knew that. You haven’t made it unless people say you’re gay, but you haven’t really made it unless you have a porn doppelganger!

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