If child stars are time bombs that the world gets to watch tick, Lindsay Lohan is napalm. I’m, of course, referring to Lindsay’s DUI citation that was issued Saturday morning, which came after she put the lives of others’ at risk and crashed into an innocent tree. That tree did nothing, nothing, to deserve such treatment!
Splash News has video of the events leading up to and following the crash. Lest you be jealous of the Hollywood lifestyle, apparently it involves lots of…driving around, walking in and out of buildings and acting frantic. How sophisticated!
But that was only the start of the wild ride that was Lindsay’s Memorial Day weekend…
Soon after news broke that Lindsay was cited for DUI, follow-up reports revealed that "a useable amount of cocaine" was found in Lindsay’s car, surprising no one (including us). Lindsay’s ex-con dad, Michael, who, in a mind-boggling turn seems to be the more responsible of Linds’ two parents, seemed happy about the crash. "This could be a blessing. This could be the sign that gets her the help she needs," he told the New York Daily News.
Except: not even, for less than 48 hours after Linds’ crash, she was back to her partying ways. Lindsay reportedly collapsed Monday morning at L.A. club Teddy’s after bending over. Is she freaking 80 years old? Of course not: she’s just out of her head! Pictorial evidence of just how out of her head she was surfaced later — she was carried from the club to buddy Samantha Ronson‘s SUV. Lindsay splayed in the front seat to the delight of the trigger-happy paparazzi. Check out the shots here. Lindsay was reportedly so incoherent that she didn’t even know she was being photographed — when an attention whore is no longer aware of the attention she’s receiving, things have reached a low point.
So low, in fact, that In Touch is reporting that as a result of this incident, Lindsay’s headed to rehab. Again. She’s said to be headed to Promises, where Britney Spears tried her hand at healing a few times — the facility, apparently, has a revolving door. And though she wants to get better, Linds hasn’t lost any of her fire — she took some time out between passing out and heading to Promises to engage in some MySpace beefing with apparent cultural critic Shanna Moakler.
Let’s hope that Lindsay posts all of her 12-step-program mandated amends in the same fashion — making rehab into a communal process is what living in ’07 is all about. But for real: we hope that Lindsay makes a speedy recovery at Promises. Get well soon, Linds, so that we can make fun of you again! We’ll really miss that.
