Archives Monday, June 18, 2007

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Blog Best-Of: Julia’s Juvenile

Julia_links- Julia Roberts gives birth to a son, Henry. After watching Charlotte’s Web, I was hoping she was carrying a spider egg sac in her womb. Boring old Julia strikes again! [Dlisted]

- Rumors of a Tyra Banks sex tape begin to swirl. Apparently, the video is grainy but you can hear her and her dude talking to each other. At one point, she tells him to, "Kiss my fat vagina." [CONCRETELOOP]

- Kelis performs in an outfit that looks like it’s made of used toilet paper. I’ve seen grade-school party decorations that look sexier than she does. [Crunk + Disorderly]

- Matt Damon and Ben Affleck hit Hawaii for a family vacation. The only thing notable about this is that Matt looks husky. It’s for a role, though – he’s signed on to star in The Bourne Patisserie. [A Socialite's Life]

- Britney Spears has a near nip-slip that leaves her areola squished and looking like pepperoni. This is the 2007 version of snapping into a Slim Jim. [Egotastic!]

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Charm School – Cram Session

As this week’s Charm School was a recap episode, there will be no online recap this week, unless someone is interested in recapping our recap. In that case, the magnitude of meta would be so great that we could harness the power to fold space and travel to other galaxies where we’ll ride sandworms and consume spice until we’re blue in the eyes. Or something.

Anyway, in case you missed this week’s episode, the first clip below is a Wicked Short version of the first segment — the juiciest bit of info comes from (who else?) Saaphyri who reveals what she plans to do with the $50,000 should she win Charm School. We won’t give it away, but here’s a hint: it’s unrealistic.

The next two clips are of footage that didn’t make it onto the recap episode. Since the episode focused on the Top 4 (Shay, Saaphyri, Leilene and Becky), we thought the first clip would help in catching you up with all the girls who went before them. It’s a montage of the girls’ exit interviews — prepare to break out the Kleenex and/or stifle the guffaws, depending on your capacity for compassion.

The final clip is pretty much all the recap you need: it’s a greatest hits clip of sorts of Saaphyri’s best commentary. Her pearls of wisdom so numerous, the only way to do them justice would be to transcribe everything she says. Instead we’ll just let you watch. Those in the business of making house music, take note: Saaphyri’s command of "Walk. Just walk walk bitch. Just walk down the runway, that’s all I need her to do," is just dying to be sampled in a bitch track. Somewhere, at some point a drag queen profoundly touched Saaphyri’s life and helped shape it. Guarantee it.

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Paris Hilton: World’s Worst Neighbor

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There’s no neighborly love in Paris Hilton‘s hood. Residents of her cushy LA corner are taking to the streets, passing out flyers entitled "Heiress Alert: Time for Action." In it, two Hilton neighbors announce that they are looking into hiring a lawyer to take legal action. But against what exactly? Her hotness? Her tiny dogs? Those enormous feet?

Her nosy neighbors might want to wait a week and see if Paris is a changed woman. She’s allegedly reading a pile of self-help books while behind bars. Maybe "new Paris" will just want to join the neighborhood book club and invite everyone over for a quiet evening of Desperate Housewives! Or, maybe it’ll just be more of the same.

If all else fails, at least we know there’s one place Paris is always welcome.

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Lilo Grows Up, Cancels 21st B-Day Bash

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Maybe she is serious about this rehab thing?! Lindsay Lohan has officially canceled her 21st birthday extravaganza, which was set to take place at the Vegas nightclub Pure (check out the sexy invite here). What was sure to have been a hedonistic orgy of cake, booze, nose candy, Camel Lights, Fergie remixes and car accidents, is now sadly but a dream, left only to live on in the "what could have been" section of Lindsay’s
tiny, fried brain.

Earlier this month, the party was still rumored to be happening due to "contractual obligations" with Pure, but luckily the sensible choice won out in this situation. May we suggest a more tame and recovering addict-appropriate celebration? Order some pizzas, chug some Red Bulls, and go nuts over a heated game of Jenga. Make out with a couple of guys (or girls) if you so desire. Go as crazy as is soberly possible! Just, you know, keep your shirt on, Linds.


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Rosie Rebounding on Price Is Right?

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Bob Barker
is this year’s Barbara Walters, attempting to use his geezer-pull to get Rosie O’Donnell to host your grandmother’s other favorite show, The Price Is Right. The animal advocate has retired his skinny microphone, and he told reporters this week that CBS is having a meeting with Ro about picking up where he left off. However, the network may not be ready for a "lady host," as Barker also mentioned that they’ve  only chatted with male contenders thus far. And really, in 2007, is anyone ready for a "lady host?" I’m shivering just thinking about it.

More on Rosie’s post-View plans, after the jump!

Read more…

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Sonic Youth Head to Starbucks For Album, Soy No-Whip Latte

Photo_sonicnur_300rgb First Macca, now  Sonic Youth. In a puzzlingly corporate move, the alterna-rock originals are making a pseudo-mixtape to be sold at the counters of Starbucks. The album, conceived by Sonic Youth and consisting of favorite SY songs as chosen by Marc Jacobs, Beck and Jeff Tweedy (among others), will feature one new song. Sonic Youth ringleader Thurston Moore dropped the ‘bucks bomb during an interview with Pitchfork, where he also joked that Starbucks was the "new record store" and expressed a wish to be paid solely in Paul McCartney gift cards.

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Open Letter: Don’t Want Candy

CandyspellingDear Candy Spelling,

I didn’t want to do this, but now I feel I have no choice. Having endured your open letter to Paris Hilton and then the one to Joe Francis, I have to put my foot down now that you’ve written one to Britney Spears. I’m not so concerned about how condescending and shrewish you come across (at least you help clear up what happens when grandmas attack); I’m more concerned with how the moralizing tone of your letters screw with the continuity of TMZ.com, the deliciously amoral paparazzi blog you’ve chosen as your platform. Listen, lady: when I check TMZ, the only finger I want wagging at me is Britney’s bird.

And speaking of Britney, I do want to hit on a point you made in your letter to her: attacking Britney Spears for grabbing for attention is like attacking oxygen for filling our lungs. Camera-hogging is Britney’s very purpose. If she didn’t dress like a blind drag queen, the universe might collapse. At the very least, we (and I include you, Candy, in that "we") would have less to laugh at. Who wants that?

Without the bad behavior of Britney, Joe and Paris, you’d also have less to talk about. Whether you want to admit it or not, your school-marm missives are calls for attention, too. What did we know about you before this? That you were married to a rich TV producer? That you raised Tori, a daughter so privileged that "Nepotism" might as well have been her middle name? That you denied that same daughter millions of dollars in inheritance money? If your newfound role as Dear Candy (sans the "Dear," since who asked you, anyway?) doesn’t net you a talk show or reality show, it should at least beef up your cred enough to get you a Wikipedia page. At the very least, this has earned you your very own tag on the VH1 Blog — you’re moving up in the world, Candy!

Obviously, by commenting on your comments, I am no better than you. I might not necessarily agree with your views or syntax, but I fully support your right to them. Just stop clogging up TMZ already. Your posts are eyesores way beyond anything that Britney’s crotch has to offer.

In short: get your own blog already.

Best,
Rich

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Brit Steals Mandy’s Thunder

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Poor Mandy Moore. First she split from flirty Zach Braff, then she battled depression, and now, just when things are starting to look up for the good girl, Britney rolls in trying to hog her limelight.

Last Friday, as paparazzi  hovered outside a Santa Monica hotel where Moore was doing press interviews inside, Spears supposedly cruised by in her car, desperate for the cameras to turn on her. A source who saw the sad attempt go down said, "She drove really slowly and doubled back on herself to make sure that everyone who wanted to get a shot, got a shot."

Mandy has an album and a movie about to drop, and all Brit’s got going on is a bad weave and a nipple slip. Oh wait – and this great pic of her flipping the bird. She’s accomplished so much this week! How dare the photogs ignore her?

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Fiddy Takes Another Shot at Oprah

50_vsoprahOprah Winfrey is to 50 Cent what Mariah Carey is to Eminem: a punching bag. Last April, he called out O for her talk show’s seeming anti-rapper policy (“I think she caters to older white women,” he said) and in November, he launched an even more searing offense, branding her an “oreo” (in the Hate to English Dictionary, that translates as “black outside, white inside”). In the July issue of Spin, he’s at it again:

“She doesn’t ever say anything that anybody from the ghetto is gonna ID with. Take a poll. You go out and find me some young black women who ID with Oprah…She can escape the fact that she’s black because she’s a billionaire.”

Even if he has a point, Fiddy’s recurring attacks on Oprah do more harm than good for his cause. See, people who hate hip-hop often complain about its repetitive nature. 50 Cent is beginning to sound like one of his songs, and is that much easier to tune out. Pick a different angle, Fiddy. Tell us what you think of her hair or her weight or something. [MTV News / Image credit: Getty]

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Nicole: Baby and Wedding on the Way?

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The Simple Lifer showed up at a Beverly Hills bash last Thursday night and apparently tried something new: steering clear of the booze like only an expecting party girl could. This latest tidbit, combined with that "baby bump" that keeps poking through her formless, $1000 dresses, are only heating up the already hot rumors that Nicole is carrying around her and boyfriend Joel Madden‘s lovechild. But maybe their offspring won’t be born out of wedlock afterall, as Richie was also spotted at that same party in a giant diamond ring (as seen in photo, right), fueling rumors that the two are engaged.

We’ll just have to sit and wait this one out for the next 8-9 months. Her belly sure does look a little round, but at 85 pounds that could just be because she had a sip of water. Still, if her bump keeps growing, it’s gonna get a lot harder to hide it behind that Balenciaga bag. Maybe she could try using her new massive diamond ring? That’s about the right size.

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