There’s no trust left in this crumbled marriage. Both Britney and Kevin have allegedly hired private investigators to dig up dirt to use against each other in their messy custody battle. And though it would be adorable and we’re sure Brit considered it - the snoops are not Jayden James and Sean Preston. So what have they learned? According to Kevin’s spy, Britney has a booze runner who goes out and picks up her bottles so no one spots her at the liquor store. Now this IS something she’s having her kids do, natch. She also reportedly walks around the house naked and doesn’t care who sees her. Come on Kev - is anyone really looking?

The naked pop star got a big pile of dirt on her ex too. Her spy reportedly says K-Fed boozes with pals, smokes mounds of marijuana, and brings home ladies galore for one night stands. How fatherly! This is parenting at its best, folks. The judge in their custody battle should do the right thing and just keep those two kids for himself. It’s doubtful Sean and JJ enjoy being shuttled between CheetoLand and the poor man’s Playboy mansion. Poor little tots. Now go get Mommy some Schnapps! [Splash News]

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