Are You There God? It’s Me, Xtina


XtinaIf a group of ultra-religious, fornicatin’ hatin’ Baptists are to be believed, God hates Christina Aguilera. Following a recent spate of cancelled concert appearances due to a reported throat infection, Baptists for Brownbackhave explainedthat “thanks to the majesty and power of God, the blaring megaphone of [Christina Aguilera]’s sexual terrorism has been muffled.” Turns out that in between getting thanked by our nation’s hip-hop artists, God found the time to listen to Aguilera’s back catalog (sample lyric: “Put your icing in [her] cake” from 2006’s “Naughty, Nasty Boy”) and decided to smite the Monroe doppelganger.
So wait a second. You mean to tell me God hates Christina, but he gives Madonna a free pass?

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