Ask Doc Ali



Scott Baio Is 45…and Single may be all about Scott Baio, but his life coach, Doc Ali, isn’t. In addition to helping Scott sort out his love woes on TV, she’s helping our readers sort out their problems online. If you need some advice on love, life and/or work, drop Doc Ali a line here. And check this spot every week to see if Doc has answered your questions.

After the jump, Doc Ali continues doling out the virtual guidance.

I’m 40 years old and single. I have custody of my 12 year old nephew for 2 years. I own my own home upstate NY, have a great job, wonderful friends and family but I am very unlucky in love. Just wondering…how do you meet a nice guy? Someone that wants more than sex…that wants to commit. It’s not easy nowadays. Thank you! – Rosemarie

Doc says: Rosemarie, It’s as easy or as hard as you make it. I really believe in this life that “what you state, you create”. As long as you keep thinking that’s it is hard to meet a man who wants more than sex, that is what you’ll find. So, first decide that’s what you want. Then, decide that it’s out there. Then, be sure you get to know any man before you sleep with him. Give it plenty of time. Personally, I think the two best ways to meet a man is through friends and (in these crazy times) structured on-line dating. Not just a free for all, but on-line dating that has a structured “get to know you” option like E-harmony. That way you have control, AND learn a lot about that person through the questions process. Give it a shot! Doc Ali

I like your Create It, Trust It, Act It, Risk It plan for finding a great relationship. Are you available for coaching or can you recommend how to find a great coach like yourself to work with through each of the steps? I need someone to hold me accountable.
– Dot

Doc says: Yes Dot, I am available for coaching and have other coaches that work my program as well. Or, the best way to find a coach is to start asking all your friends if they know anyone. Don’t be afraid to interview and interview….like Scott! Glad you like Create it, Trust it, Act it, and Risk it. It’s a good way to make your dreams happen! Doc Ali

I’m writing to say I would love to talk to you or even Scott (I saw where he went to an older couple’s home and talked to them about marriage) I was kinda like this (Not ever going to marry) but I can tell you what real love is. I’m 54 Years young (LOL) and my husband is 44. I adore him. BUT here is the kicker. He was in an accident (motorcycle) has Brain Injury and well, I would love to tell you the whole story BUT I believe I have hit “all the marriage vows” and still ADORE him. My husband and I prior to the accident, truly “LOVED FOR A LIFETIME”. I feel I could give him a true, yet, good view of marriage. Since Hector is younger and I think I was younger than the couple he talked to. I never thought I would want to marry so tell him it’s not so bad to wait till the perfect person comes along and sometimes it is when you least expect it. you have my e-mail I hope to hear from you and maybe help in a small way. We saw him on Regis and Kelly the other day and he had Hector laughing so that means a lot when Hector smiles. – Thanks Hector and Debbie Falero

Doc says: Debbie and Hector, Your letter is beautiful and truly attests to the true power of love. I hope not only Scott but hundreds of people on read your letter. Thank you for your inspiration! And I know Scott would be very happy to know he made Hector smile. I will pass your message on when I see him. Doc Ali

I am pretty young and haven’t been in the corporate world for too long yet, but I already feel like I’m destined to do and be something else. I’m not sure what that is and when I try and figure out what it might be I get anxiety. Anxiety about starting over on a whole new career path and as well as anxiety about not knowing how or when or where to look. I could use the help because I really want to start moving forward with this as soon as possible rather than waiting. Do you have any advice for me as I search to find my calling in life? Thank you. – Heather

Doc says: Heather, First of all, it’s awesome that you know you have something else to do and give. So many people stay in jobs they hate out of fear. You are decades ahead of the game and will save yourself a lot of suffering! To find your calling begin to answer these three questions, 1. What gives me the most joy and energy lift? 2. What have I always been good at and has come naturally to me? 3. What strengths have others seen in me? After you answer those questions, find the job that matches your answers. Remember, you don’t have to quit your corporate job right away. Begin to explore your options. Talk to people who do a job you would love to do. Start something small at first. Just keep moving and exploring. Never…NEVER…stay stuck in a job that you dread day to day. I admire your courage. Doc Ali

Hello doc ali. I’m a latino 43 year old professional jockey, and I like scott have never committed to marriage. I’m don’t have the same opinions that scott has in terms of how he is bothered by certain things about women but I do have the same thing in common with him when it’s coming to having a lot of women in my life. My question is Do you think that because having sort of easy access to women, that it’s made it that much harder to commit. I really don’t wanna be single any more, but I think I’m too picky. Help me please!! – Al

Doc says: Al, sometimes when people have “easy access” they get spoiled. It true. It’s easy to drive through McDonald’s on every corner then to go out of your way for some gourmet hamburger. But, if you care to go deeper into a relationship, McDonald’s will get old, stale, and have little nourishment for you. I think Scott is realizing that in the show. Commitment is for someone with strength, courage, and fortitude. But the gold at the bottom is well worth it. Be picky, find someone who moves you to the core, but then have some staying power. If you go through some stuff together, you may find that it was well worth the effort. Doc Ali

I am 39 and have been married…let’s say more than once…and find myself in a relationship that is going nowhere. At no time, even in my marriages, could I see it ‘lasting forever’. Is it possible that some people are not supposed to be married? I’ve always thought that about myself. – Guy

Doc says: Yes. Guy, it’s true that marriage is not for everyone. Marriage is an affair of the law and not an affair of the heart. Enjoy your relationships. Serial monogamy can be quite deep and rewarding! There is no need to promise “forever” unless you feel moved to do so. That promise is impossible anyway, at least while you are living in this life!

I really think this cool sports psychologist who works with my kids (a woman) is fabulous and I’m not sure the best way to tell her I think she’s great. What should I do? - Andy

Doc says: Andy, Tell her. Scream it from the top of every mountain! And buy her some nice jewelry to show your appreciation! I’m sure she will think that’s fabulous! ;-) Doc Ali

I am a Scott double. The same age and single. Ex football player who is a computer consultant now. I want someone to grow old with.
- Keith

Doc says: Follow Create it, Trust it, Act it, and Risk it. And…Go for it! First spend some time creating your ideal partner. Write her qualities and characteristics out in specific detail. No limits. No holding back. Next, write out five beliefs reinforcing that you are deserving of a great relationship. Sayings that reinforce that you trust life and that everything is moving according to plan. Things like “I know she is coming to me in perfect timing”. Step three, Act it, is living life as if you already have what you want. Walking like you are in love, talking like you are in love, and loving life with the exuberance of a new perfect crush. You must be in the state of love to attract love. Finally risk it. You can never find love sitting on your couch (unless you have a hot female plumber). Risk it means putting yourself in situations to meet the kind of woman you want and approach her when you see her. He’s gotta step out if you want to make out!

I can understand Scott’s fear about marriage entirely. I also think he’s being a good sport. So many marriages are failing. Where are all the balanced people? Something Scott said really hit home for me. He said that after marriage, people just look tired and beat up. Yeah, now divorced for 10 years after being married for 10. With a full time job and 3 boys, where do we find time for a relationship?
- Cami

Doc says: Cami, although they can be a lot of work, relationships should always lift you up and not beat you down. If anyone feels beat down in their relationship then they are in it for the wrong reasons and are staying for the wrong reasons. This goes for friendships too. A beautiful relationship adds so much to life. Make time! It’s not about finding it, it’s about making it! Doc Ali

I am 41 years old, divorced with 3 children, 18,17, and 12. I was married for 14 years and have not been in a committed relationship since, we were divorced in august of 1999, I have been with many men in that time, but none with any type of commitment. My Question is why? – Chere

Doc says: Hard to say Chere with this limited information. But I would ask you: Do you want a committed relationship right now? Because if you did, you would have created it. My hunch is you really don’t want one due to fear, time, or it’s just not your priority. When you want it, you’ll create it. Doc Ali

I see myself in Scott but the thing is I’m a lesbian! I can not settle down with a single female no matter how hard I try… I live on the hopes that there is something better in someone else! It has a lot to do with I don’t want to get hurt as well. I have no clue if I should worry about it now or just wait it out because I’m only 24! The bad thing is, I’m only attracted to straight women because lesbians are too easy and most of them aren’t that attractive!!! - Sabrina

Doc says: No straight women! Talk about wanting something you can never get. What a set up for suffering. Sabrina, there are a lot of hot lesbians. Find them. Be on the lookout. Not with a negative mindset (“There are no attractive lesbians”) but with the knowledge that attractive lesbians are all over the place! Are you one? Cause if you are, then they will find you as well. I’m not too worried about your lack of settling down. You’re very young and I think you should enjoy your exploration. If you still can’t commit at 45, give me a ring and we’ll make a TV show about you! Doc Ali

I live in the mountains of Colorado near many ski resorts. The problem is the ratio is 5-1 guys to girl. I have always had a hard time going up to women and introducing myself. especially with the odds stacked against me and my age also being 37. HELP ! ! ! – Steve

Doc says: Steve, my first response is…37 IS FABULOUS! What’s wrong with 37? You know yourself, and there is nothing more attractive then a man who knows himself. So…go up to those women. But not out of desperation because women can feel that and will run like you have the plague. Approach them to be friendly, to enhance both of your time, to simply connect. Get out of “what can I get from this interaction with this woman” and get into “how can I help this woman enjoy her time more” . We all want to be listened to, appreciated, and enjoyed. Give that, and the rest will be downhill. Doc Ali

Remember: submit your questions to Doc Ali here.

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