If our interview with Brandi C., taught me one thing, it’s that she’s not a dumb blonde. In fact, she isn’t a blonde at all: that’s a wig, baby. Just kidding: the titmouse-voiced bombshell is a lot better spoken than you might suspect after seeing her girlish antics on Rock of Love. After the jump, Brandi dishes dirt on what really went down on the house, talks about her temporarily disfiguring car accident, reveals why The Secret method doesn’t work so well on reality TV and gives us the lowdown on the X-rated turn her career took after Rock of Love.
You seemed really upset when you were eliminated.
Well, I was kinda shocked about it. I was upset about leaving Bret and I was upset about leaving Heather and Lacey. I didn’t think [Kristia and I] would leave so soon. When she was gone, I was like, OK, well, at least I can focus on the task at hand now. But I only got one more date and it was like, “Sorry, bye.”
When Bret was talking about his reason for eliminating you, he said that he thought your relationship was based solely on sex. Did you agree?
I think he was saying that the extent of our relationship would be a sexual one. I think ultimately was that he was saying that he was there to find this one person, this one love, and I was offering what he was before. Like, “Hey let’s go get some vodka and some girls and have a party.” I think he was looking to change his ways, and with me in the house, he wasn’t going to get that done.
It seems a little strange to decide that at the end of the episode that featured what looked like a foursome between you, Bret, Heather and Lacey earlier.
What’s your story as far as that goes?
Eh…forever a mystery. There’s other people involved, so it’s not our place to talk about it. If it was just me and someone else, it still wouldn’t be good, but at least I could talk for myself. But four people are involved, so you don’t want to just blab their business.
But it’s safe to say your time in the house was wild, right? Was partying at that level normal for you?
It was me times 10. I’ll go out but I don’t go out every night and drink everyday. You know, I used to work at a restaurant and I go to massage school, so I’m not partying every day and night. Being this was like a vacation. The vibe was like, “Whoo hoo. Let’s go crazy.”
You referred to Bret as your “boyfriend” a few times. Was that strategy?
It was kind of like wishful thinking. The whole positive thinking thing…if you say things, they’ll come true…
Like The Secret?
Yes, kinda like The Secret. But it was kind of strategy in a way. None of the other girls called him their boyfriend, so I figured to them it was maybe kind of intimidating.
There seemed to be a few girls that you didn’t get along with. There’s VSPOT footage of you fighting with Magdalena.
Yeah, she’s retarded. That girl…you know, what’s funny? In the house, I didn’t think she looked or acted mannish at all. It wasn’t until I watched the show on TV that I saw it. I don’t like the girl, but in real life, she doesn’t seem like a she-male at all. But the reason for that fight, the reason I was so angry was she had been sleeping in her room and she came down 40 minutes after I went in her room. She had put on a dress and a full face of makeup and did her hair to come downstairs and yell at me. It’s like, “Are you kidding?” If I was genuinely mad about you waking me up, I would have just walked out and been like, “Stop.” She went to all that trouble to get camera-ready to yell at me.
How was it living with Erin after the meth-scratched face/circus-t**s fight?
Erin approached me about it and said she was sorry because she didn’t know what had happened to my face, and I told her I was sorry because it was mean to call her “Circus T**s.” So we both apologized and basically agreed to not like really each other. It was good, we both took the high road. She was cool about it.
That car accident you were in happened last year?
Yeah, last June. I had a designated driver, that’s the best part. He was sober, I was the passenger. I wasn’t drunk-drunk, but I had been at a party. He was turning left on a winding road. We were in a VW Beatle and this Ford Expedition, this huge gigantic SUV, didn’t see us and just plowed into my passenger-side door. I was knocked unconscious for I don’t know how long. I didn’t see my face for two days, but everyone who would come see me was just freaked out. I had to have surgery, get glass removed, have 47 stitches to hold my cheek together. It was just really traumatic. When I was on the show, I was in the process of getting microderm abrasion to fix the scars. I think I had had my second one at that point. It’s still kind of there now, after five treatments.
I thought it was interesting that you referred to it as a disability.
Oh. I was exampling that. Erin could have made fun of anything else about me, but not something I had no control over. I wasn’t saying that it was a disability, but that it was like a disability. Like, she went to a doctor and paid money to have her boobs look like that. She said, “I want them this big.” Like, go ahead and make fun of my boobs, because I paid to look that way.
I thought it was funny when you said that your boobs were the best birthday present your parents bought you last year. That’s an interesting present to receive from your parents.
It’s kind of just a situation where I know how to get things out of my mom. I just manipulated the situation for a good three weeks. I begged: “Please. I’ll do this many chores.” Or “I’ll go back to your house and watch the dog.” I definitely had to work for them.
When you said on the first episode that only two girls in the house had natural boobs, were you exaggerating or was that scientific data?
No, there’s hardly any that had natural boobs. I know Jes did. I think Brandi M., had natural boobs, maybe? Mia did.
I liked when Bret handed you the acoustic guitar and you smelled it.
I was reading! You know how inside guitars, there’s that piece of paper. There’s something that says, I don’t know, the numbers of it. I was trying to read that.
I have to be honest and say that you’re a lot better spoken than I expected you to be.
Yeah. I’m actually smart. I’m really silly, too. It’s a balance. I am smart, I know how to construct sentences. I have a good conception of the real world. But I also have my silly moments, because I think you gotta. You gotta make life fun. But what I think they did was take every silly moment and glue those together, and that’s what you see on the show. It’s not a misrepresentation, it is me, but you’re not seeing the balance of me being normal.
And you’re cool with that?
Oh yeah, I love it. I watch the show with my roommate and friends, and we just crack up. Like, rolling on the floor laughing. If I wasn’t on this show and I knew no one, I would still be mad obsessed with it.
How do people treat you based on the show? Do they think you’re a dumb blonde? Are they disrespectful?
Face-to-face, people are great. I guess when you’re in front of someone, they give you more of a chance. I try not to go on the message boards. Even though these are people who have time to write bad things about people they don’t know, which kind of freaks me out, if you read enough of those, it’s gonna get you down. But I’ve read a couple, just to get an idea. I love when people are like, “They’re whores and they’re crazy.” And it’s like, look at the guy we’re competing for. If I was there competing for a priest, I could see the outrage. We’re trying to get Bret Michaels – of course we’re going to be just as wild as he is.
I read that you considered going on Flavor of Love.
Yeah. I loved the concept, and it really looked like they had so much fun. But then I was like, “Well, I don’t really like Flavor Flav like that.” And I can’t pretend. I’d have to be really attracted to the person. And another thing is that those girls would just rip me apart.
Some of the girls on Rock of Love seem pretty tough. Like, I’m kinda scared of Heather.
I think if you got on her bad side, yeah. But somehow she and I clicked. We clicked on Kristia’s last day. Lacey, too. I love those girls.
I guess one upside to your elimination was that it meant you could be reunited with your cat.
Cat lovers will understand that comment. My cat is unlike any other cat in the world. People who hate cats come to my house, meet my cat and say, “I like this cat.” She’s a person. She’s not really a cat. She’s just like any other girl.
Did you go to college?
I did for a little bit. I went to community college in Tampa for a few years, but I didn’t really like it. My parents told me to finish two years, though, so I did. I did that and then the whole Universal Studios gig came up. [Brandi used to work as Marilyn Monroe and other famous characters at the theme park.] When you’re dressed up as Marilyn Monroe, those kids don’t know you aren’t her. I moved to New York for a bit, but it was so fast-paced and winter I can’t take. But then I moved out here to L.A., it was the first time in my life where I felt at home.
And then there was the porn thing. The trajectory was the most interesting thing, because unlike some people, you didn’t have porn in your past when you did this show – it was in your future.
I wanted to try it. There are so many porn stars here and it’s not even a big deal in California to have that as your career. It’s just kinda like, “Oh cool. You do porn? That’s awesome.” I have a couple of girlfriends who do it and I was just kinda bored and coming off the whole crazy ride of that show. I was like, “Well, let me try it out and see if it’s something that I like.” I tried it out and thought it was fun, but not for me. Not everyday. I kinda live my life like I don’t want to have any regrets. So I’m not regretting doing something once. My family’s very supportive. They all knew about it. They didn’t watch, but they knew.
So it wasn’t a bad experience, right?
No, not at all. It was just something that was like, “All right. Been there, done that.”
It’s sort of amazing that you were able to leave like that. A lot of people get sucked in…in more ways than one, I guess.
I have that kind of personality. I try something, I feel it out and wonder, “Is this what I’m meant to be doing?” No, there’s more out there for me. But hey, at least I got it out of my system. The girl in it was my good friend.
And you can say for sure that you’ll never do it again?
Ninety-nine percent sure. I could say, “Oh, I’ll never join the circus,” but hey, you never know.
Keep up with Brandi C. at her MySpace and click the images below to see them in full size.