In this episode, Scott nears his breaking point…
See what six weeks without sex can do to a guy?
When we meet Scott, he’s wailing on a heavy bag.
Doc Ali catches him and asks what he’s doing. He says he’s taking out his sexual frustration out on it. At least he isn’t humping it. Doc wonders if he’d like to put her face on it while he frustrates away…
Lady, what the hell are you implying?!
They sit down and Doc lays this week’s focus out: she doesn’t think Scott can be intimate with a woman without having sex with her. Fair enough. What other ways are there? She suggests a cuddle party. Ugh. Besides that. Nothing, right? It’s cramming or caressing and never the twain shall meet, right? Scott is, naturally, against the cuddle-party idea. “What am I gonna do, cuddle a man?” he asks. Only if you wear deodorant, Scott. You know how sensitive guys who like guys can be.
Doc asks Scott if there’s any woman that he’s been with sexually and sort of strung along — a sex friend, you could say. He has, her name is Connie. Doc advises Scott to talk to her.
At this point, Scott pretty much goes off on Doc, saying that he’s not sure if her guidance is working and that he’s sick of “getting creamed.” Well, now he knows how the women feel. Speaking of cream, he says he feels like he’s “jerking off.” Isn’t that exactly what he’s doing if he’s not allowed to have sex for two months?
Therein lies his problem: it’s not the program that’s faulty, it’s Scott’s half-hearted approach to it. Doc Ali is wise. So wise, in fact, that Scott concedes to this. Wise and quite possibly magical!
Later, at the bowling ally with his brahs, Scott tells them about the cuddle party and invites them along.
“Cuddling is that annoying thing you have to do after sex,” explains Scott. Well, when you put it like that, who wouldn’t want to join you?
And then: dinner with Connie.
It’s actually kind of sad. Scott introduces it by saying that Connie’s basically the female version of him, so you figure that it’ll be a breezy sort of sex-and-giggles conversation. Not so. As Scott probes Connie for her opinion on him, she calls him “sterile,” “not passionate” and callous.
That’s funny, that wince feels more like a splinter.
She says that she feels like the way he plans his day is via his black book — he maps out a route and hits major stops. This is chillingly accurate. Scott eventually tells Connie that he needs to be just friends with her. Uh, shouldn’t they have had this conversation when he started dating Renee? Connie is cool with that decision. What would have happened if she weren’t? Scott says he needs to lay down since “emotional stuff” tires him out. Then, Connie says maybe the line of the series so far: “It wasn’t even emotional! We had chicken!” Welcome to Scott’s world, Cons.
The next day, Scott and Doc Ali discuss monogamy.
That’s a help-these-shackles-are-tight level wince. Scott doesn’t want to get married because, apparently, he thinks it makes men become hunchbacks and their wives become only interested in money. Doc Ali points out that if he doesn’t want that, he can say that now and not have it. It’s really that simple. Really. Again, Scott concedes. It’s a magical thing, watching Doc Ali break him down, one logical point at a time.
Then, it’s time for the cuddle party.
On the way, Johnny V reveals that he thinks the cuddle party will result in an orgy. He probably thinks a trip to the Sizzler buffet will resort in an orgy. With quality food at such affordable prices, you couldn’t really call him wrong, either.
The arrive and it’s super earthy crunchy.
We’re introduced to the concept of a “massage toboggan.”
And a little person (with the obvious name of “Shorty”) basically hits on Scott:
Scott declines Shorty’s invitation to cuddle. Little personist!
Scott takes this girl up on her offer, though:
And now he knows how to be intimate without having sex. The end.