The Pick-Up Artist Recap: Episode 2

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The Pick Up Artist
In episode 2, the caterpillars begin their (long, arduous) transformations into butterflies. And maybe not butterflies, but moths – with bleached hair and piercings.

Mystery begins teaching the boys about “peacock” theory — dressing slutty to attract chicks. “We can’t wear short skirts, but we can wear tighter pants,” he advises. Yikes. At the end of the lesson, Mystery charges them with creating their own “avatar” or persona. The winner of this challenge will receive a special one-on-one learning session with an actual female. Mystery suggests the group find “accessories that convey sexuality, and go crazy with your hair.” For most of the guys, this is probably the first time someone other than their mom has cut their locks. We can hear the sound of their shells breaking already!

The boys are unleashed on a shop called Wet, where they seem fine talking to the sales girls, though bristle at the tightness of the pants. Brady makes the implusive decision to bleach his chestnut locks, while Joe A. removed flesh from his ears to install gauges.

When you start giving up flesh this early in the contest, we think you have to reevaluate your priorities. Matador, J-Dog and Mystery review the guy’s avatars, finding Brady’s the best, but ultimately rewarding Spoon the victory. Fred and Alvaro perform abysmally. Joe D’s journey is proving to be more heartbreaking than initially thought. We find out he, his droopy eye, and fake tooth all live in his parents basement, and he’s really been trying to watch what he eats.

Shortly after a lesson on “gambits” — conversation starters — Alvaro inexplicably and suddenly decides to go by the name Kosmo for the remainder of the show. They guys practice opening a set using a list of fool-proof lines field-tested by Mystery and his boys.

The challenge begins later that night, when they must appear before the cameras later that night and open a set. Brady successfully completes the challenge with an opening question about flossing (Note to the men: ladies love chatting about dental care). Kosmo/Alvaro decides to breakdance, which, while impressive, still doesn’t constitute “talking to girls.”

Pradeep approaches people about Kosmo’s breakdancing, and Spoon has a total meltdown. Joe D. wins the field test by getting a group to open up about whether he should have strippers at a friends bachelor party. Works every time.

Next, we learn about medallions, which are a lot like the world of karate belts but with more hair gel. A color-coded medallion demarcates your level in the world of pick up artists, and you progress on the skills you learn from Mystery. Joe D. chooses Brady and Kosmo to share his immunity with, but in the end Spoon is “trapped by his own humanity” and in the pressure of the final elimination, he throws himself under the proverbial bus, forfeiting the medallion to Fred.

In our opinion, Spoon and his adorable faux-hawk had no business going home, and through our tears we’ve crowned him our Pick Up Artist of the Week. He had the stuff of the truly great. Spoon, we hardly knew you. Give us a call.

Spoon!

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  1. KarateMart says:

    I think they should have just used karate belts instead of the medallions. It would have made the guys seem more macho!