Last night on Mission: Man Band, Bryan fell off the wagon. A couple of times. The former Color Me Badd-er started the episode promisingly enough: He hired a personal trainer to help him get his weight down, setting a goal to lose 25 pounds — an admirable amount. But early on there were also signs that things were headed south. Signs like Bryan calling Jack Daniel’s “Uncle Jack” and him telling Chris that the alcohol “demon is always around the corner.” It was. By the end of the episode, he’d slept through a personal training session and endangered the band’s chances of success.
The reason for Bryan’s mistake? Stress. After a hard day, Chris threw a party at the house, and everyone was unwinding. Some people unwound more than their fair share — what kind of party would it be without bellybutton shots and topless girls? (Actually, who really throws parties like that? Besides Joe Francis. Anybody care to comment?)
The temptation proved to be too much for Bryan, especially after the events that day. The band’s fascist manager Miss Kate surprised the men by introducing them to their songwriter, Bryan Michael Cox, a pop legend who’s written hits for Mariah Carey and Mary J. Blige. He’s a music business honcho who has an affinity for clothing by Billionaire Boys Club (Pharrell Williams’ clothing line) and an ear for talent. In order to impress him, the men of Man Band warbled out a few lyrics they’d written. Cox thought that Jeff and Chris weren’t taking the project seriously enough, but that Bryan and Rich were good. He also said that “good” simply wasn’t good enough, and explained to Chris that his stuff was “never going to top NSync.”
How’s that for encouraging?
Overall, Cox rated their performances as a B-minus, which was awfully generous of him. Even he said so. What a guy. Then came the party, the drinking, Bryan’s blowing off his personal trainer and, the following day, a meeting of the band to discuss potential names. As they tossed out “Plan B,” “Afterlife” and “Planet X,” Chris began to suspect that Bryan was still drunk. So he dragged him outside for an intervention. Bryan re-asserted his dedication to Chris, but all the guys were put off by his problem.
It could be a big problem. At the end of the episode, Miss Kate informed the band that she’d booked their first gig. In three days. During the half-time show at an Orlando Magic game.
They don’t even have a song yet.
Would that be enough to drive you to drink?