Scott Baio Is 45…and Single may be all about Scott Baio, but his life coach, Doc Ali, isn’t. In addition to helping Scott sort out his love woes on TV, she’s helping our readers sort out their problems online. If you need some advice on love, life and/or work, drop Doc Ali a line here. And check this spot every week to see if Doc has answered your questions.

After the jump, Doc Ali continues doling out the virtual guidance.

This might sound stupid…but I’m 20 and I haven’t had a girlfriend or anything for that matter since I was 17. I do know why I haven’t…I haven’t been able to let go of her. But I met this one girl recently and was wondering how to get her to go out with me. I asked her once and she said no because she doesn’t want to date anyone. My question is…how can I get her to want to date me when she wants to date? Honestly…I do like this girl…so far she is the only person that doesn’t make me think of my ex. - DEC

Doc says: Dec, just be a friend. If she feels safe with you and that you honor her feelings then there is a chance she will consider going out with you if and when the time comes. But, try not to have ulterior motives. Be a true friend, and trust that you will find a girl to date when the time is right. Doc Ali

I tend to follow the same pattern as Scott Baio. I get bored and look for the next best thing. Im not sure what Im doing and sometimes my boyfriends ‘overlap’…….What am I looking for? How can I find true love? Thanks! - Annie

Doc says: Annie, sounds to me like a fear of intimacy. We all get bored when we are not willing to go deep. There is something going on in you where you are afraid to look at yourself. I’m not sure what it is but I think you know. The work needs to start with you. What are you avoiding in you? What are you afraid to look at in yourself? I think intimacy with you is your first step to finding what you are looking for. Doc Ali

What does it take to become a life coach? i feel that i have a gift to help people turn their life around and i would love to learn more about your work. - Katie

Doc says: Hi Katie, There are many life coaching programs. Simply Google like coaching programs and find one in your area. If you feel you have the gift, then Give it! Good Luck. Doc Ali

I’m 32 and single. I have been in three long term relationships but despite all the time and effort put into things.. the relationship will always turn out the same, they never love me back or they don’t stay in love with me and they end up finding someone else and the relationship ends up failing, this was never so apparent as in my last relationship, what a jerk. Anyways my self esteem is pretty much shot at this point, I feel like a failure in the relationship department, in fact I feel like a failure in every department. How can I break free of this self destructive pattern and find happiness again? - Tina

Doc says: Tina, If there is a pattern, it always starts with you. Look at the patterns you are seeing with your relationships and ask yourself, “how am I doing that to me?” How am I not loving me? Write down all of your negative beliefs about yourself and about men. Then, turn them around and write the positive opposites. Then, read them everyday, twice a day for 30 days. No relationships or dating until you’re done. Before you change what you are doing with men, you have to change what you are doing with you! Doc Ali

It is common now a days for people in their 40’s not to be married? I am 40 and have never been married but have been in relationships. - Teresa

Doc says: Hey Teresa, Yes, I think it is very common for people to be unmarried in there 40’s and I think it’s great! I always say, the 20’s are about finding oneself, the 30’s are about proving it to the world and the 40’s are about not giving at sh*t anymore! What’s better than that? What’s better than two people coming together that don’t have to prove anything anymore! Know what you want. Don’t settle. Trust that your partner is coming to you in perfect timing…and have fun!

I’ve been dating my first serious boyfriend for about 2 1/2 years now and in the past few months we’ve been fighting a bit. I feel like he’s become too comfortable and therefore isn’t acting like he used to and I’ve brought it up to him and he’s said he will do whatever he can to fix it but it hasn’t happened. We’re going through it all over again right now and even though I love him a lot I wonder if I’m wasting my time waiting for him to go back to how he used to be. He’s begged me to let him show me what he can be but I feel like if I have to ask for it can it really be coming from the heart. - Val

Doc says: Val, wanting someone to be different than they are is a formula for pain. At the beginning of a relationship people sometimes act differently then they really are to please the other. It may be that your boyfriend’s real personality is emerging. Ask yourself, “if he doesn’t change, can I be with him?” If the answer is yes, stay. If the answer is no and you are still wanting him to be different, then it may be time to move on. People only change when they really want to from the heart. If he tries and tries but it doesn’t happen, then he might not be your man. You must be OK with who he is. Doc Ali

Every relationship i have, i look for excuses to run away. I think i create reasons because relationships scare me. I’ve been hurt in the past and I know that has something to do with it. But I think it’s also because I am a perfectionist and I always feel like there might be something out there better. When I find things are going wrong I assume - that if I’m in love I shouldnt feel this way and it just gives me another reason to run. Because I’m waiting till marriage, i have a hard time with relationships because i feel no guy would want to wait that long. so i get anxiety being intimate with guys due to that and also my own insecurities and thats why i make relationships more difficult and stressful then they need to be. What should i do? - Zoe

Doc says: Zoe, you never want to shy away from relationships because you have been hurt in the past. Allow your pain from the past to help you love even bigger. Just think, if you can make it through that, you can make it through anything! And wasn’t it worth it? It sounds like you are afraid. Afraid to let someone in, and at the same time afraid to really stand strong for your convictions. I think it’s great you are waiting until marriage. Commit now to be true to yourself without apologies. Tell people what you believe in and don’t assume they will run away. If they do, they weren’t your man anyway! Doc Ali

I can relate with Scott. I want a girlfriend and will not pursue because I am afraid to start something that will just end. Please advise. I have been single for six years. Pathetic really. Thank you. - Charina

Doc says: Oh Charina, That is no way to live life! Who cares if it ends! You’ll live and be better for it. Think of your life like a movie. You are the heroine. Do you want to create a movie that never has a plot? Where the star simply stays home and does nothing because she is afraid to get hurt? BORING. I once asked Scott, “if you were to die today, do you feel good about the life you have lived?” Risk Charina! Don’t live a half-dead life based on fear. Be an amazing heroine and decide that the pain is worth it. You know why? Because it is! It always is! Doc Ali

Last year I divorced after 14 years of marriage. I’m 40 years old, and thought I had everything figured out. Now, I find myself alone and wondering why men don’t seem to want to be with me, yet I’m told that I’m attractive, personable and talented. I simply want to be loved, accepted and respected. What am I doing wrong? Thanks. - Alana

Doc says: Alana, there is something inside of you that does not feel good about you. You are told by others you are attractive, personable, and talented, but do you believe them? When you do, the men will come. Watch the negative beliefs you have about yourself. Change the inside and the outside will change. Re-write your negative beliefs and read them every day. Then, look for signs that things are changing. Let me know what you see! Doc Ali

I feel like I’m stuck in a dating rut. I am 25 years old, and I have a very successful career. I make excellent money and have already achieved many of the career goals that I set up for myself three years ago. My love life, however, has been far less successful. I go out with a wide range of different types of men, but I only go out with many of them once or twice. The men that I tend to date seriosuly (or, I should say, the men that I desire to date seriously) are always men who are uncertain about dating me or gunshy about commitment in general. Problematically, I am not usually attracted to the men who really want to be with me. I can see that this is an unhealthy pattern, and I am trying to break it by going out with men who are clearly open to commitment. But, I still have no attraction to these men and always stop seeing them after a few dates. How can I train myself to be attracted to men who are “easy” to get? - Elizabeth

Doc says: Elizabeth, let’s not look at it as “easy to get” or “hard to get”. Let’s just focus on Elizabeth’s man. When you are very clear about what you want is when you will create it. Just make your list. Describe everything. Then, say everyday “my man is coming to me now”. Also, you are very young. Focus more on finding out who you are. As you become more and more the woman you want to be, you will draw to you the man you want to date. Just have fun right now. Don’t let your boredom with achieving your career goals set you up on rushing your perfect relationship. It will happen when it’s time. Create new goals for yourself, write your list, and have fun exploring your relationships with men.

How can I tell my ex that I still love him?
How can I apologize to him without him avoiding me?
How can I tell my current boyfriend that I don’t want to be with him anymore without hurting his feelings? - Nerissa Victoria

Doc says: Answer: 1. Just tell him. Loud and clear.
2. Just do it. If he won’t listen to you, write him a letter, e-mail, or leave a long long message on his voicemail!
3. You can’t. All you can control is how you feel and your truth. He may be hurt. But hurting him is better than staying in a relationship out of obligation and guilt. Gross! Do it! It’s the best for both of you. Good Luck.

I have no patience. I mean, no patience whatsoever. I work in a profession that affords me the company of unreasonably beautiful women who often express interest in either carnal or personal knowledge of me; however, I look for what I call ‘outs’ in ways to not entertain them in any capacity whatsoever. For instance, I made dinner for a really sweet girl just last night and althought the sexual tension was thick, I just didn’t make any kind of ‘move’ indicating anything other than I just wanted to eat dinner with her. I’m sure if I had, instead of writing this, I’d be walking her to her car this morning instead of waking up alone. Adjusting the rearview, I endured a devastating heartbreak over 2 years ago and unsure if my actions as of late are still the last vestiges of that emotional crises or just…my hidden misanthrope coming to the surface. I’m just not sure of anything right now. I’ve had a girlfriend or two in the interim of the breakup and this letter; but instead of having a ‘rough patch’ and working through things, I just simply broke up with them and went about my life as I knew it, post-breakup. I have been married twice before and thus solidifying the fact I’m far from a commitophobe. I have a high libido for someone my age but just don;t have the capacity to ‘play the game’ for either instant or long-term gratification. Grrr. - John

Doc says: Hey John, I do think your heartbreak of two years ago has something to do with what’s going on now. You seem scared. And I don’t blame you. My hit is your work right now is about trust. All kinds of it. Trusting women….yes….but mostly…trusting life. Trusting that you can follow what feels right to you in the moment and it will all be fine. Trusting that your life is moving exactly as it should be. And then…seeing that every connection you have is there for a reason. It’s not a game (and it’s all a game!) but it’s about two people coming together to share something. Be it for a night or a lifetime. You’re a powerful, smart man. As I’ve said in previous responses, be sure you have a clear idea of what you want. Then, have a good time, be free, and be on the lookout.

Every relationship I have ever been in has been difficult. I fall head over hills, and then its like I dont want anything else to do with them. It gets so frustrating! Please help me out. - ASHLyn

Doc says: Ashlyn, I want you to do an experiment. The next time you fall head over heels, GO SLOW. FORCE YOURSELF. Get to know the person first. NO SEX. I want you to experience some emotional intimacy before sexual intimacy. I have a feeling you get sexual too fast and then don’t really know the person. Just give it a shot. What I tell Scott isn’t easy, but he’s doing it. Now it’s your turn. NO SEX UNTIL YOU ARE DATING A GUY FOR EIGHT WEEKS. Just give it a try!

I have commitement issues.I want to find a girl and settle down but I love woman to much!! It also does’nt help that I always seem to get bored or find something wrong with them and want to bail out. I also have a problem of openning up… - Omar

Doc says: Omar, you have several issues! One is you judge others and hence judge yourself. The answer to that is to learn to like yourself more and quit using women to feel OK about you. What is it that you are so insecure about? The second issue is fear of intimacy. You have to take risks and open up if you want a woman to love you. All of this stems from your fear. You’re OK Omar. It’s Ok to not be in control all the time. You can let someone in, let go, love big, and if you get hurt, you’ll survive! Go for it.

Remember: submit your questions to Doc Ali here.

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