There’s something so painful about this “Britney Fan” that we dare you to try to watch this clip and not immediately want to crawl under your desk in the fetal position and shut yourself off from the world for a year or too. We did not see tears, as the video’s creator claims exists (yes, we watched it in full screen, it was hellish), but we’re sure Britney could learn a thing or two from Chris Crocker‘s performance skills. We would also like to argue that Britney has indeed performed on a stage recently. Remember those “secret shows” she did? So right. Poor, poor Britney. If we leave her alone, Chris, will you stop making horrifying YouTube videos? K’thanks.