The Hills: Heidi Steals a Job, Lauren Misses Jason & Justin Bobby Returns!



On this week’s episode of The Hills, Lauren is so stressed out by the thought of seeing Jason again that she grows old lady eye wrinkles in under thirty minutes. Being a girl is just like, soooooo effing unfair!

Jason has called Lauren to get together after just getting out of rehab. As usual, it makes Lauren feel like this:


It must be so hard being blank inside and out.

At the gym, the girls work out with their trainer. Audrina rocks cheesy, Homer Simpson-esque sneakers. I’d prefer her in Justin Bobby’s combat boots.


Jarrett the Trainer asks Lauren out after they get intimate during her work out. He can barely control himself from licking her sweaty leg.


They agree to meet up along with Audrina and Jarrett’s friend Derek. We smell a cheese-ball disaster – or it could just be Jarrett’s hair gel. The girls don’t care because they are only after “new boys.” They toast over fat-free smoothies to forgetting Justin Bobby. Like, cheers!


At work, Heidi’s coworker Elodie (and hew new, dark hair) tells her about the new event planner job opening up at Bolthouse. They both say “definitely” about 100 times. Like last week, Heidi shows up in an old lady suit outfit. Is she borrowing Spencer’s ugly clothes? Definitely.


Spencer of course pushes Heidi to work her evil magic and do “whatever it takes” to get the new event director position at Bolthouse. After all, this is what managers do (nothing).

The two douchetrainers and the girls meet for drinks and awkward conversation. Lauren’s date Derek tells her that his home state of New Jersey is different because there’s “a lot of construction going on.” He then talks about vintage shirts for an hour. It’s so enlightening Lauren grows old lady eye wrinkles (holy crap they are rough lookin’!) through out their convo.


Lauren has “a million issues” from her ex-boyfriend, she reveals. Jersey Derek creeps her out by unveiling his lunatic side right off the bat. She has never wanted to “stab herself in the eye more”, she says. We totes understand – it’s exactly how she makes us feel.


At work, Whitney listens to Lauren complain about her boy troubles – again. We’re pretty sure it was in her job description to baby Lauren – right next to “organize clothes by color.” A challenging position, for sure.


Meanwhile, Heidi talks to Brent about the possibility of stealing the new job away from Elodie, all the while rocking the ugliest shirt possible. Spencer would be so proud!


Lo, Audrina and Lauren read from a love and sex book and Lauren again reminds us that she has only been in love once – with a goatee. Audrina continues to ruin her pretty face with those sleepy eyes.


Amazingly, Heidi gets the event planner job. Elodie is pisssssed, and rightfully so. What has Heidi done to deserve this new job besides wear fancy clothes to work? Nothing. She sure is awesome at screwing people over though.


Phew – Justin Bobby is back! We were worried there for 21 minutes. The two leave the beach after what was surely an ocean-side bone session. It’s a good thing Audrina remembered her helmet this time! It’ll be on a couch somewhere in a few days.


Lauren and a newly sober Jason meet at a “quaint” coffee house. He looks beef-cakey as usual, and Lauren obviously wants a piece.


Jason confesses that he “was out of control” during their relationship. Not as out of control as Lauren’s polka dot headband! Like, zing!


Next week: Spencer reintroduces himself to Lauren and Jason as Mr. Douchebagtastic AssFace. We can’t wait!


[All Images: MTV]

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