The Pick-Up Artist Recap: Episode 7

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Brady!

Given that Brady was able to simultaneously giggle like a school girl, give off serious serial killer energy and make out with a stripper, we’re naming him our Pick Up Artist of the Week. Though he wasn’t able to close on the moving target challenge, he did manage to get an exotic dancer into his limo, which is not a euphemism. He really did it!

With Pradeep out of the way, it looks as though Kosmo is the house’s next whiny bitch. Brady feels Kosmo getting competitive, which, given that this is a competition, shouldn’t shock Brady. But our blond friend has his own problems, like emotional barriers and his horrible head of hair. Brady already has commitment issues, and he doesn’t even have anyone to commit to.

The boys’ reward challenge is the moving target challenge. Mystery drops some physics on us: “Objects that are in motion tend to stay in motion.” He also lets us know a few rules about approaching the lady on the go. 1. Don’t follow because it’s creepy. 2. Don’t turn around because you lose value. 3. “Excuse me” is a vagrant’s opener, not a vampire from the Matrix’s. Tara – serving as wing woman during the elimination challenge – is the reward for their next field test, so the stakes are high.

Sadly, no one manages to open a set, much less complete one. Throughout the entire outdoor ordeal, Joe sticks with his beloved “Did you see the fight” opener, while Kosmo and Brady stick with inquiring about the world’s largest bat colony. Swoon. Mystery spies on the boys, dressed as the world’s most obviously fake homeless man. Which doesn’t look that different from his typical get-ups. In the end, no one wins the challenge, and Mystery informs they boys they have some soul-searching to do. This means the boys lay on couches and cry all afternoon.

mysteryhomeless.jpg

Mystery and the Wings (just like Paul McCartney!) want to teach the boys how to pick up “hired guns,” so their next field test takes place in a strip club, with exotic dancers as their targets. This challenge will prove particularly difficult, as they’re “gaming gamers…Keep your money in your pockets and your hands off the strippers.” Our sexy heroes must turn the dancers’ “stripper programming” off.

Kosmo negs fantastically on an adorable young stripper we’d like to see get a college education, and Brady totally disrespects a young lady after Mystery’s tacit instructions to treat these women like women. Joe D. does some number tricks, then safely esconces himself in the friend zone. It’s a good thing he styled his chest hair for approximately five minutes prior to going out.

Kosmo ultimately doesn’t close because the girl has a boyfriend, but young Brady bounces the stripper to the limo, where he demonstrates the worst posture ever. Ultimately, he kisses the girl and garners immunity, meaning he’s in the final two. No such luck for Joe D., who gets knocked out this round, but not before Mystery gave him wings and set him free.

Fly on, Joe D! One quick thing though before you go — did you see that fight over there? Two girls were fighting over this guy named George.

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  1. Speed Limit says:

    Really?
    Sincerely,
    Speed Limit
    http://www.triond.com/authors-Speed%20Limit.4564
    “The empty half of the glass is always at the top”