A month of tears, break dancing, rejection, furry hats, more tears, a name change, a stripper with a boyfriend, a peach that needed some kissing, tears, a Speedo, a dork named Kip, a little more tears and Pradeep. Was it all worth it? We’d guess yes! In his own words, The Nerd Formerly Known as Alvaro is “so money” right now. And not just because he’s $50,000 richer, peeps. Kosmo is THE PICK UP ARTIST! And that title is worth more that dollar bills, ya’ll. Right?
It was just a few short weeks ago that we were watching our eight awkward dorks
stand silently at the night club, too afraid to talk even to the bartender. But that was before the days of sexy avatars, opened sets, peachy kisses and fights over a guy named George. With only two transformed guys left, the stakes were high. $50,000 high. Oh and did we mention that the lucky winner gets to travel the world alongside Mystery and his furry hat, teaching the tricks of the pick up trade? Score.
Our finale begins with a call from Mystery and an offer for the boys to kick back with M and his wings at their fave bar. No challenges, just straight up macking and dude time. Brady is immediately suspicious of Kosmo while an abnormally hyper Kosmo becomes incensed at Brady’s suspicion. If only Pradeep was here to ease the tension with his annoying chatter!
To the club they go, in their Bentley limo with the “GME ON” vanity plate bringing up the rear. The guys get into the swing of things: opening sets, canoodling, and in Mystery’s case, snuggling a woman’s ear. It’s at the end of the evening when Mystery reveals their final challenge – they must makeover and teach two uber dorks (much like themselves eight weeks ago) the skills of Master Pick Up Artistry. Needless to say, Brady remains calm, while Kosmo freaks the f*ck out.
The boys are then introduced to their nerds,Kip and Dylan, and begin the transformation process. Kosmo struggles with the final challenge, stating that “The first step is we need to…Change everything.” Brady concentrates on “health indicators” such as bronzing and shaving, while Kosmo drills Kip on the basics and repeats lines from Swingers incessantly. “You’re so money!” he claims. But will the ladies think so?
Dylan, a dead ringer for former Brit boy toy JR Rotem, awkwardly turns off a group of girls by swearing like a drunk sailor. He finally opens a set and bounces a cute girl to the VIP couch for some chatting and presumably, magic spells. Kip gets off to a rockier start but after a panic attack and a pep talk from Kosmo, manages to “number close” a hot, suspiciously drunk woman with promises of a pool party.
After deliberation amongst the Wings and Mystery, one final medallion is revealed as Kosmo begins to weep. We’re sure the Joes are somewhere crying with him in spirit!
There can be only one Pick Up Artist, and even though Brady wowed everyone with his stripper-macking skills, it is not enough for him to win.
Kosmo, the loveable break-dancing boxer who once lived in fear of approaching the ladies, is The Pick Up Artist!
Congratulations! We look forward to him opening us in a set real soon. Hint: Just tell us you have $50,000, Kosmo! We’ll number close and kiss close you in a second.