Hogan Knows Best Recap – Season 4, Episode 9 – Hogan Knows Anonymity




…who wore them best?

The episode starts with Brooke’s discussion of her upcoming show at Universal Studios Theme Park in Florida.


The entire family will be attending, and, of course, will want to experience the park after. But that means that they’ll be mobbed. What to do? I have to words for the Hogans: ski masks.

Instead of that, Brooke’s hair dude suggests employing his friend (“friend”) who does make-up and works with prosthetics. This way the Hogans can disguise themselves completely and enjoy living the lives of civilians. Civilians being accompanied by a gigantic camera crew. But still: civilians. Nick thinks this is a genius idea.


Linda agrees.


Aw. They have the same mouth.

Flash forward three weeks, the day of the show. Terry and Brooke are in a hotel room. Terry asks if he can poop in her room. Seriously. What the hell does he mean? Like, on the floor? That’s been done, Terry.

Brooke shows Terry the “costume” in which she’ll perform this evening.


Terry rightfully says it looks like a Band-Aid because it’s so small.


We’ll leave them to their bickering and catch up with Nick and another one of his cute friends. They want to go to the pool, but they don’t have bathing suits. What to do? Is it too early for prosthetics? Indeed, it is. And so, they hit a surf shop to go shopping for what Nick keeps referring to as “swimsuits.” If there isn’t a competition at the end of this bit, I’m gonna be pissed.


Because it wouldn’t be a Nick-and-friend segment without some horsery, the boys devise a plan: Nick will pick out his friend’s “swimsuit,” and his friend will pick out his. This should be humiliating! And, sure enough:


They dress each other as femininely as possible. Their collective goal seems to be to get the other to show as much skin as possible. Aw, they really, really like each other.

They exit the shop.


And because they’re dressed so outlandishly, are arguably attractive and are in part related to Hulk Hogan, they cause quite the stir by the pool:



Just let them live their Jackass-lite lives, people!

And then, problems, ahem, arise:





By all means, Nick. Take ‘em off. Take ‘em all off.

Then Brooke performs.


Her outfit looks like it’s progressed from being Band-Aid-like to being a big roll of gauze. That is what you call obtaining class.

Then, it’s time for the Hogans to visit the theme park and so, they suit up.






And, just as a reminder, here are the results:


Linda says Terry looks like a creep. Well, mission accomplished! They decide they’ll be the Boon family from Milwaukee. They speak in Southern accents. How redneck of them to not realize that Milwaukee isn’t in the South.

Amusement ensues.



Terry stops to talk to a woman in a…similar predicament.


He asks how long her battery’s been going. But Terry, you hardly know her! Then, he asks if she knows why there are so many cameras around. That’s what she’s trying to figure out. Good luck getting to the bottom of that one, lady. You seem totally like the detective type.

Then, Brooke interrogates a stranger. She asks if he thinks Brooke Hogan is hot.


Then, she asks if he thinks Brooke Hogan is fat.


Snort. This makes Brooke angry and she decides she’s had enough of not being herself. Girl, don’t ask questions you don’t want answered.


The charm of not being famous is also rubbing off for Linda who’s really awesome in this whole episode — it’s a tour de force performance at least on par with Holly Hunter’s in Raising Arizona.


When Linda can’t jump to the front of the line for, I don’t know, a hot dog or something, she becomes frustrated. Having to wait like common peasants is one part of anonymity she can do without. Awww! Poor thing! All that entitlement and no one to rub it in the face of! Brooke, too, is sick of having to wait in line for rides. You just can’t help but pity people who’ve been through so much to be faced with so little.

And speaking of faces…


…the Hogans finally reveal theirs to the only slightly amused amusement-park clientele. Ah, it feels good to be famous. Upon leaving the park, Linda proclaims, “That was awesome, Nick. Good disguises. I love the idea.” Uh, it was actually Brooke’s hair dude’s idea, but whatever. Go ahead, Nick. Take the credit. Entitlement, entitlement.

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