The Hills: Lauren Kisses Brody, Elodie Screws Heidi & Lo Flashes the World

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This week on The Hills, Lo keeps the drama going one vag shot at a time. Too bad Elodie turns out to be the real queen of mean. Better try (or spread) harder next time, LoLo!

It’s Heidi and Spencer’s anniversary! God, this hell has only been going on for a year? Someone save us – we can’t take much more of this:

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His chipmunk cheeks (and soul) are poisonous. Because Spencer is a punk-ass bitch, he has yet to tell his parents about his fake engagement to Heidi. We can’t for Heidi to grow some girl-balls and smack him the next time he pulls this sh*t. Chances of that happening: Never! She grew fake boobs instead.

The girls show up at the airport and begin making fun of Justin Bobby and his guitar before they even get out of their luxury vehicle. Audrina giggles along, natch. Grow backbone, grow!

Someone should tell them it’s equally as lame to pack eight weeks of clothes into a giant suitcase for a 48-hour trip. I don’t care how many Catherine Malandrino dresses you need to bring! Assholes.

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At Bolthouse, Elodie continues her eye-rolling campaign against Heidi (and her office) by announcing that she has quit her job. We’ll miss her sass, tank tops, and newly died hair. Sail on, Elodie!

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But first, she has one final evil deed to complete: pretending to cover for Heidi while she celebrates her anniversary with the Devil.

A few things to note: 1. Heidi is dumb. She asks, “So everything’s set, right? The red carpet’s set and everything? And the Emmys?” She SOOOO deserved that promotion! 2. Why must she celebrate her anniversary on the exact day she and Spencer drunkenly hooked up and blacked out after? Puh-lease.

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The Vegas party gets started early – when Justin Bobby takes his shot before everyone else in Brody’s suite.

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He’s such a sexy rebel!

At dinner, Lo ponders where she went wrong in her friendship with J Bobbers. She and Lauren were mean to him, they know, but that shouldn’t matter, right?!

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She tries to buy Audrina’s man a shot, but he clearly articulates his disregard for her obvious generosity with a simple message:

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Nothing left for a girl to do but make out with Brody’s ugly friend!

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They know their place as celebrity sidekicks, don’t they. Might as well join forces, or at least body parts.

The following day, the guys discuss their drunken shenanigans…

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While wearing their sunglasses.

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They left their flashing “I’m a Douche!” signs at home, apparently. Good thing they don’t really need ‘em with them shades.

The party starts all over again later that night…in Lo’s V.

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Which you know Lauren secretly enjoyed seeing.

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Their night comes to a close just like any awesome evening should – with a drunk girl Justin Bobby bitch fest that leaves Audrina in tears.

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She vows to dump JB for the girls. Lo promises to bring her guitar over for a serenade if she does. Deal!

Also, this happens:

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Does anyone else remember that Brody dated Lauren’s Laguna beach enemy Kristin for like, a year? Does she have a thing for sloppy seconds? Or D Listers? Which is it, girl?

Speaking of D Listers…

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These two celebrate the worst day in history at their fave Mexican joint. Because nothing says romance like black bean farts.

Good thing Heidi has to leave before she has time to pass gas. In what must be the greatest staged Hills move thus far, Elodie has f*cked Heidi over and is not working her Emmys event because she, duh, QUIT. Oh snap!

This of course allows Spencer to go into that verbally abusive routine that we’ve all come to know and love.

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Heidi: “I love you.”
Devil: “No, you don’t.”

Sigh. Seriously, Lauren’s a pain in the ass, but she was RIGHT, Heidi. Run! Run to that beach you always frolic on and stay there.

The little teaser of the rest of The Hills season looks Sex Tape-tastic! Jen and Lauren are friends again, Jen sells out Heidi and Brody, Brody sells out Heidi and Spencer, and Heidi makes Lauren talk to the hand.

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Who will win?

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  1. Patrina says:

    Lo your fooling NO one! behind your so called sweet demeanour, we can see right through you. You want to replace Audrina and you dont have the class or the parts. Your catty remarks make me want to beat the crap out of you. “Two Mommies?” & “Let’s go (roll eyes) pout, pout “I’m hungry” You were lucky that you even got to be invited to a recording studio. You are classless. You should of been honoured, instead you are so afraid that Lauren might talk to Audrina you manipulate, manipulate, manipulate, Lauren! Knock it off. And tonight you say “Oh, I am not part of the relationship, so I’m not breaking it up” ??? Think before you speak Lo, your not to bright! And I can see your evil ways. You say it’s not fair that you are being portrayed the “villian” Oh boy, you are so much more then that! Try, vicious, insecure, heartless, greedy and you are trying to hide behind this Oh, I’m so sweet and innocent, the evil things that come out of my mouth are not intended. You make me ill. I am not going to watch this show again until you get on your knees and ask for Audrina’s forgiveness. Unfortunately she has enough class that she probably will forgive you, I wouldn’t!

  2. vicky says:

    got to say i love lauran to bits she is such a nice girl and she gets alode of crap she dosnt deserve e.g hedi and spencer and all of this with lo and audrina i love audrina too i think that she is a dead nice girl and lo is jusst a difficalt person to get on with
    i duno wat to think of lo at the moment i just hope tat her and audrina can sort things out and be friends ! xoxox