Dear Mom,
You may have read in one of the tabloids that I’m going to fire you as my manager. I want to make sure you know that this is absolutely NOT TRUE! You’re an awesome manager – so what if Herbie Fully Loaded flopped. And that movie where I was the legless stripper didn’t do to well either, but hey, you’re still learning! I think you’re great at managing my career, and I look forward to working with you long after I leave rehab.
That being said, I am laying your ass off – as my mom. Seriously Dina (moving forward, I will be using your first name only) you effing suck at this mothering stuff! I mean – have you seen some of the outfits you let me leave the house in? And who said it was okay for me to date a 24-year old when I was like, 12? YOU! Mom, that was so crazy. So look. I’m done with you. I’m off to go track down Britney Spears’ mom and see if she wants a daughter who is actually successful. See you at the office.
Your client,
Lindsay M. Lohan
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