The Hills: Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag Love a Good Sex Tape Scandal

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You did it. No, you did it! No, Brody did it! No, Spencer did it – I am sure of it! Let me ask – if Jen Bunney is soooooo interested in who spread the sex tape rumor about Lauren and Jason, could she have possibly been the one to start it all? Eh. Who cares – it’s wayyyy more fun to just blame Spencer.

Jen Bunney texts Lauren to hang out and no one can believe it! OMG faces abound!

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Er that’s probably more of an O face. If only we had a copy of her sex tape with which to compare it. Still, Lauren can’t believe it. What could Jen possibly want? Before Lauren could find out, she apologized to Audrina for being the world’s most typically bitchy, spoiled gal pal. As usual, all Aud’s got to offer are her bedroom eyes.

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Girl don’t care ’bout nothing but that JustinBobby booty.

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JB don’t care about nothing but being mellow, chill and blissful, dawg. And of course, delicious knit caps.

Lauren goes to see Jen Bunney, who apparently has a passion for lunch dates, giant ice coffees and styling herself like a hooker-y extra in Pretty Woman.

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Jen and her fake nails can’t get enough of this sex tape stuff! She tells Lauren that Heidi has accused Brody of being the rumor-spreader, but then he….

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Points the finger back at Spencer and Heidi, brah!

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Confused, Jen rushes back to Heidi to tell her the news and then backtracks when Heidi gets all up in her newly sculpted face. Surrrreeeeeee, she doesn’t want to “get involved.” We buy that as much as we buy her new nose.

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Does Heidi’s face give anyone else the chills? Every time I watch this clip I am immediately transported back to ninth grade and the massive manipulative battles the evil girls at my high school caused. Maybe Heidi’s really a 15-year old girl. That would explain her previous boob-less existence too.

Did we mention Heidi sucks at her job and only has Elodie to blame?

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I’ve never seen anyone make a “I’m a wounded animal!” face better than this bitch. Her boss gently reminds her that her current job is not a 9-5 thing, it’s a career. Which is funny, because I thought Heidi’s career was being on a reality TV show and pretending to record an album. Perhaps someone needs to clarify for us both?

Meanwhile, back at the world’s creepiest apartment, Heidi downloads Spencie-Wencie on all the latest sex tape accusations coming his way.

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The beard alone makes him guilty, even if it’s just of being a douchebag. His knowing, devilish glance obviously makes Heidi wonder:

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“Oh sh*t, did Spencer DO it?” “Oh sh*t, did I forget to TiVo Kid Nation last night?”

As usual it looks like nothing is resolved next week, when Lauren and some model sit next to each other at a beach party and don’t talk. But they’re like TOTALLY into each other. Get the camera!

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And Lo continues her heroic role as the best secret bitch on The Hills, when she pointedly asks Brah-Dy the following:

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Complete with a sassy “Yo go girl!” head nod. When in Lo going to become the star of this show instead of Blandy McGee Conrad? Seriously, we could get used to 22 minutes of bitchy vag flashes. Yes please!

[All images: mtv.com]

  1. michelle says:

    lauren is soooooooo smart n funny u rock girl and just for the record dont ever let heidi back into ur life she is no good for you at all

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