The Salt-N-Pepa Show Recap – Episode 1 – Push It Real…Tense

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After having over five years off…

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…it’s on!

Welcome to The Salt-N-Pepa Show, the reality half-hour that attempts to blaze a new trail for the hip-hop pioneers. We open on Salt-N-Pepa speaking separately about their estrangement — it came to a point where Salt wanted out of the group and, in doing so, completely alienated Pepa. Salt has moved on, Pep’s still bitter, but for the sake of their dwindling friendship, they’re trying to put things back together.

Of course, that just before their first meeting together, we see Salt saying, “Leaving Salt-N-Pepa was the best move I ever made,” doesn’t really bode well for reunion prospects.

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Their manager presents them with an offer: Shaquille O’Neal has requested they perform a song at his birthday party. Immediately, Salt is defensive, saying that she’s not so happy with messages they’ve put out in the past. “I’m not, ‘Push it real good.’ I’m not, ‘You make me wanna shoop and how does your penis hang?’” Straight up, wait up, hold up, because Pepa, apparently, is “how does your penis hang.” She says that she’s proud of everything they’ve done, and takes issue with Salt’s issues about “Push It.” It wasn’t about sex to her, but apparently it was to Salt. Who’s “how does your penis hang” now? “I thought it was dancin’. I swear on everything I love. People only thought we were saying, ‘P**** real good.’ That’s what the problem was!” That sounds like more of a solution than a problem. And “P**** real good”? Seriously? That sounds like the prequel to the also grammatically unsound “Me So Horny.”

Tensions rise…

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Basically, Salt has moved on, and Pep feels like she’s doing so via the bus that she threw Pep under. The breaks are slammed when Salt mentions that she suffered from severe bulimia and was throwing up five times a day.

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Outrage turns to sadness and finally, you can understand Salt’s point. Fame can really, to use a tasteless but apt cliché, chew you up and spit you out. If it was affecting her with an eating disorder, she was wise to turn her back on it. But, she’s had some time to put her feet on the ground, she’s here and she’s willing to work with Pep.

Kind of.

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Cut to Salt at her prayer group talking about the tough decisions she has ahead of her. For the sake of contrast, we see Pep hanging with her girls…

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Pep broaches the controversial subject of the meaning of “Push It” with them, and they all agree that it’s a dance song. But not this kind of dance song…

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It’s probably safe to say that Pep’s group does not count as a prayer circle. That’s doubly true after Pep tells them of her struggle with Salt: “I’m like bitch…” and then, she embarrassedly corrects herself, “Chick, you owe me this.” Her friend encourages her to say “bitch” if she has to. Sometimes you just gotta. It’s like breathing.

Anyway, one of Salt’s prayer buddies encourages her to take the gig and reignite her career — she says that Salt can reach thousands while still holding onto the safe place she needs. Encouraged, Salt calls Pep…

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…and they’re in! They’re going to do the Shaq gig. Pep pledges to do whatever is necessary to ensure that Salt is comfortable in the process. Cut to…

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…Salt feeling uncomfortable when Pep brings up the “Push It” thing again. She totally muscles Pep into choosing “Whatta Man” as the song they’ll perform at Shaq’s b-day. Pep is reduced to whispering: “I like ‘Whatta Man.’” But she probably doesn’t like it-like it.

Salt revises a line about her man not being a “wham, bam, thank you ma’am” type, while Pep thinks that the line about him having a “body like Arnold” should be updated. Her choice? “A body like Barack…” Apparently, Pep’s into political builds. Fair enough.

Anyway, their rehearsal goes well and look…

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…they actually hug! Reunited and it feels so good!

Good and sexy!

Things start falling apart during wardrobe selection…

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By the time they’re rehearsing with the band, you can practically feel the heat of Sodom and Gomorrah.

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You know things are outrageous when your dreadlocked bassist can’t handle it…

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Salt interrupts Pepa, and Pepa’s all, “What am I doing wrong? I’m just grinding my butt into this guy’s lap? How could that possibly make you uncomfortable?!?!”

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Salt points out in another room that Pep’s simulated sex is exactly what she was talking about when she said she needed that zone of comfort.

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In other words: try harder Pep! And that “try” is as in “…keeping your head out of dudes’ crotches.” Pep points out that the guy is wack, anyway. Ah, standards.

After, Salt again brings up the subject…

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…and drops a bombshell: the Shaq performance has been canceled. Pep reacts as if Jason Voorhees is responsible for the cancellation.

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Seriously, that is a look of axe-wielding terror. Anyway, Salt has a compromise: performing at her church. This way they can get their feet wet…with holy water!

This, too, is not without incident. Pep’s original choice of wardrobe is all wrong…

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She points out that if she wears this, “the nipple’s not gonna show.” Uh, any shirt that requires the referencing of a nipple is probably inappropriate for church, Pep. Just a rule of thumb.

Anyway, they perform…

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And it goes well! They do a Christ-ified version of “Whatta Man” that includes the line, “He’s strong like Samson, knows how to pray.” Talk about an update! There’s only one instance of Pepa crossing the line…

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She goes down a little too far and Salt has to sort of make sure that her bend doesn’t get more salacious. To do so, she literally lifts out her hand to support Pep’s butt. Ah, friendship.

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