Suri Cruise: Spoiled Scientolobaby
Because we must allow Suri Cruise to do whatever she wants, we are forced to allow her to write this post. Our apologies in advance - she tends to be a bit racy and we can’t control her.
Wazzzup bizzzaches! It’s your girl Sur-diggity in the motherf*ckin’ blogosphere! I’m here to tell you how to raise your kids the Scientology way so they can grow up just like me: rich, spoiled, and totally addicted to wearing cardigan sweaters.
First up: Eff breast milk! Get them kids hooked on good ol’ sugary cornsyrup as soon as they’re out. That’s what my parents feed me - corn syrup, barley and milk. It’s like baby crack!
Next: Let me do what ever I want, fools! My mom and my dad are never allowed to tell me no and it’s working! I get to do whatever I want - why do you think I’ve been allowed to rock this bowl cut for so long?
Lastly: If you aren’t down with L Ron then you aren’t down with me. Both my nannies (that’s right - I got two, a-holes!) are Scientologists and my dad won’t let anyone else near me. So stay the eff away! You smell like normal people, and that scares me.
Holmes?! Where’s my bottle of corn syrup and barley, b*tch?!
pEaCe OuT!!!
*~*~sUrI~*~*
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