Most Dumbest of Most Smartest – Episode 3

A good subtitle for this episode?

“Suck My Twinkie.”

This week, the most dumbest bits of Most Smartest come mostly from two people:

Andre and…

Mandy Lynn. Earlier today, in an email, I mistakingly typed Andre’s name as “Angre,” and because he’s so damn mad all the time, I can only assume that my wayward fingers were trying to tell me something. And so, from now on, he will be known as Angre. And let’s not forget that Mandy Lynn has already been dubbed “Mandolin.” See what happens? When you act stupid, you’re outfitted with the gift of a stupid nickname on a blog. Fame can be yours, too — audition in the comments section!

Anyway, when we meet Angre, he’s…angry about…something.

I love that he’s so angry that the not only the veins in his forehead are bulging, but the veins in his shoulders are, too. He’s mad down to the shoulders. That’s very Russian of him. He rants: “You don’t f*** with the Russians. America, f*** there are countries that are sub-developed who have no f***ing sandals and you ride camels.” First of all, that almost rhymes. And second of all, that seems like an adequate trade-off. Who needs sandals when you can have camels do all the walking for you, anyway?

Australian Rachael and Daniel attempt to reason with Angre, which could be the most dumbest move of the entire episode, actually. How the hell can you do anything but style the question mark hanging over your head upon hearing a gem like, “I’m not afraid to speak my mind of things that I wanna speak my mind of“? Can you imagine how much more fun he’d be if he were afraid of the things he wants to speak his mind “of”? He’d never leave the house — it’s like auto-fellatio gone horribly wrong. Angre gets so angry you expect him to say, “Angre…mad!” like the Hulk.

Although, this makes a good replacement:

That’s his response when he hears Daniel talking about him…from across the house? Whatever’s making him rage is also giving him bat-like hearing. He ends up getting in Daniel’s face and screaming, “Hypocricy!” Wow, it’s just like being in Union Square on a weekend. When, during this week’s game, Brain Binge, Daniel has an opportunity to pass a piece of decadent chocolate cake off to an opponent to help sabotage that opponent’s chance of doing well on this week’s fitness challenge (after answering a question correctly), he doesn’t get his revenge — he gives it to Jesse, who’s already overweight and trying to eat as few calories as possible. That’s not just smart on Daniel’s part, it’s sneaky.

However, not everyone’s so able to see past the interpersonal communication — since Angre has alienated just about everyone in the house, they dump their cake on him whenever they get a chance.

The raw data alone has the power to clog your arteries. At least with all that extra weight, he won’t be able to do the Irish dance he threatened Daniel with.

And speaking of this game, cake and the week’s most dumbest moves, Mandolin really digs herself a grave on this one:

She’s made to eat a piece of cake (because she doesn’t know that a ton of feathers weighs the same as a ton of rocks because a ton is a ton is a ton, no less!), but she refuses. “I have a small tummy!” she protests. Does she have a small tummy because she doesn’t eat cake or does she not eat cake because she has a small tummy? It’s a chicken-or-the-egg-whites kinda debate.

Dumb move, but not the dumbest answers of the game, they belong to Jesse…

“Luther Vandross” is his answer to the question regarding who wrote “The Star Spangled Banner.” (Duh! Luther Vandross didn’t really write, period. He was way too much a diva!)

Blonde Rachel really takes the cake, as it were…

She guesses that the official language of Australia is “Australian” and, even better…

…she guesses that the man who shot J.F.K. was none other than “Brad.” No last name given, no last name needed. They didn’t have many Brads back then.

Oh, and a random most dumbest something? Pickel’s use of a banana skin as scrap paper when faced with the day’s refrigerator code challenge.

Even more meth-scratched goodness!

Anyway, Mandolin shoots herself in the feet many more times this episode, which is amazing when you consider that her giant breasts have to be somewhat of an obstacle on the way down.

Even though she’s disqualified from the fitness call-back challenge for not having eaten her cake, she still decides to participate to prove that she’s showing effort.

She counts poorly and repeatedly before bowing out after five minutes.

To go dye her hair. Normally, I’d be worried that the ammonia would seep into a person’s brain, but in this case, I think it could only help.

(Bret won the fitness challenge by the way, securing him a spot in a workout video for fitnessycho Giliad and giving him a free pass to next week.)

And like the streaks in her hair, Mandolin soon is gone. She lands in the Bottom 2 with the ever-ballooning Jesse (or at least, that’s what the show would have us believe).