In this episode, a member of the Hogan family gets a very special award…
It couldn’t go to a more deserving party…
Tortie, for your listening skills alone, you’ve made a hell of a good parent!
Kidding! It’s obviously Terry who’s being honored. On their way up to New York, the Hogans decide that they’ll be hitting their old pad in Clearwater.
While Brooke tickles the ivories…
…so does Linda. Except, in this case, the ivories are birds:
Linda gets close with the rest of her furry friends.
You know that she’s all jealous over Terry’s award and she’s trying to snag a Mother of the Year award. Too little, too furry, Linda.
Meanwhile, Terry talks to, uh, someone and finds out that his mom, who’s in a home, is now on oxygen following her stroke. A visit ensues.
Messing with old people never gets old.
Terry reunites with his mother, Grandma Ruth. She is as feisty as a crab in a pot.
He takes her shopping. She wants Depends. It’s refreshing that she’s not to proud to mention that in front of the cameras. Terry jokingly asks if she needs triple-XLs. “Just large,” she says. Again: refreshing.
Since Father’s Day is coming, she loads up on presents for him: a six-pack, innumerable cans of cashews and a card. She’ll present this quite awesomely the next time she sees him…
…which just happens to be a few days later. This time, Terry’s bringing the family along. He goes to pick up Grandma Ruth and she says…
“Can we go to Hooters?” If there was any question before, it should be clear now: this is the woman who raised Hulk Hogan. And indeed, they go to Hooters.
Linda comments that she hasn’t been to Hooters in a long time. Grandma Ruth says she was just there last week, she thinks. “Oh, it was yesterday!” she remembers. That Cajun Samurai sauce is seriously addictive, huh?
Linda asks Ruth about being in the hospital in her typically good-natured but brash method. She asks a barrage of questions, actually, forcing Ruth to get flustered and say…
“Will you shut up so I can talk?” This lady is absolutely amazing. Grandma Ruth for spin-off, please!
Then Ruth presents Terry with the Father’s Day gifts mentioned above. The best one, though, is a card that she bought that’s about a father’s relationship with his daughter. It gets weirder when he opens it and it becomes clear that it’s a card intended to be given by a daughter. Grandma Ruth doesn’t get it or she’s so assertive that she thinks she can will the card into what she wants it to mean. Either way: awesome. Linda cheers with reservations.
They then visit the house Terry grew up in:
There, they’re shocked at how well its owner is doing with the building’s upkeep. Also, that owner gives Terry something he found in the garden:
Terry played with this when he was, like, 4. Pretty amazing childhood relic. It’s even more amazing that it didn’t end up on eBay. The owner of the house is really an all-right guy.
After some jewelry shopping, the Hogans hit Fashion Bug to get Grandma Ruth a new outfit. This family is constantly outdoing itself.
Grandma Ruth directs some more crabbiness at Linda, while Brooke wonders aloud if Grandma wants clear heels.
At first, I thought this was as joke, like, ha ha ha, dress Grandma Ruth like a stripper. And then, Brooke finished her sentence: “Do you want a pair of clear heels…like me and Mom?” Ohhhhh.
Terry thanks Linda for being patient and generally awesome with Grandma Ruth.
She’s not just being campy — there’s a lizard in her hand. She found it in the backyard of Terry’s childhood home. Inside Linda, not even very far below the surface, there lives a 6-year-old boy.
And then, awards time:
I really hope that VH1 owns stock in bandannas. The promotion of them on this channel is endless.
Terry sits on the panel…
…and finally accepts his award:
He says that Linda should get the Mother and Father of the Year Award for teaching him that you shouldn’t be a friend first; you should be a parent first. He also says that this award makes him feel like he’s “made it.” Duh, he made it. Linda had Brooke 20 years ago! They had to have made it for that to happen.
At home, Nick takes a shot of him with his trophy:
Terry says he feels like parenting and being a husband his a work in progress.
…But for now, it’s halted. This is the season finale of Hogan Knows Best. I’ll give you a moment to collect yourself. Don’t be surprised, though, if you see the Hogans pop up again in the near future. If they’ve taught us one thing it’s that they never stay away for very long.
Hogan Knows Best shows page