30 Rock: Best Lines of the Night

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Carrie Fisher shows up as Rosemary, Liz’s old-school comedy idol. Paul Scheer shows up as Kenneth’s boss, NBC’s evil Head Page. Tracy tries to resolve some father issues by working with Jack and a therapist. Liz wins $10 thousand dollars in the company’s “Followship” program. Jenna, back to her original weight, accidently burns Kenneth‘s page jacket. It was a thick web of action last night. What was your favorite moment?

Jenna: If I can’t be Monique fat I have to be Terri Hatcher thin – either way you’re laughing.


Jack
: What are you going to do with the money, Lemon, put in a 401 K?
Liz: Yeah…I gotta get one of those.
Jack: What, where do you invest your money, Liz?
Liz: I’ve got like 12 grand in checking.
Jack: Are you, like, an immigrant?

Liz: I grew up wanting to be you.
Rosemary: I grew up wanting to be Samantha Stephens on Bewitched. The closest I got was being married to a gay guy for two years.
Liz: You are my heroine, and by heroine I mean lady hero; I don’t want to inject you and listen to jazz.

Tracy: Hey Jack, if you “desecrate” something, is that bad?
Jack: Tracy, what happened now?
Tracy: I doubt if anybody noticed (cut to Tracy singing the National Anthem at a stadium ball game) ‘Who brought broads and bright stars/to the party last night/For the rascals we fought…’ (cut back) Who would have known that there was so many words – [that song] is like a Mos Def CD!

Jack: Tracy this is Suzanne Hoch, the NBC therapist.
Tracy: Who’s crazier, me or Ann Curry?
Suzanne: Hello Tracy, Jack informed me of the talk you had earlier. And if you don’t mind, I’d like to hop right in and start with some role play.
Tracy: Like my wife and I do? Cool. You be the maid, I want you to scream. Donaghy, you play the matador.

Jenna: Look, You obviously know who I am, but what you don’t know is that I accidently damaged Kenneth Parcell’s page jacket.
Evil Head Page: Sshh. Really? Mr Perfect, Mr “Jesus LovesMe” Parcell finally messed up? Do you know how long I’ve been waiting to transfer that thumbhead to CNBC in Paramus NJ? But you can’t transfer someone without a demerit.
Jenna: Oh boy, here’s what we’re going to do. You’ve probably never seen breasts before. So I’m going to lean over this desk and your going to give me a new page jacket.
Evil Head Page: Please, I breast fed til I was 11, so I’ve forgotten more about a woman’s chest then you’ll ever know.
Jenna: But…I’m on TV

Liz: Rosemary says women become obsolete in this business when there’s no one left who wants to see them naked.
Jack: If you make enough money, you can pay people to look at you naked.