In the December issue of Ebony, Michael Jackson grants his first magazine interview in 10 years and boy, is it…boring. You should start reading any superstar interview expecting a very guarded self-portrayal, but this one is virtually missing all signs of Jackson-family nonsense. Sadness! According to Mike, Ne-Yo and Chris Brown are “wonderful,” Stevie Wonder is a “prophet,” global warming is scary and presidential elections aren’t worth following. Fas. Cin. A. Ting. The only shred of dirt comes via the nickname Quincy gave Mike during the creation of Thriller, as alluded to above. Says M.J.:

“Quincy calls me a nickname, ‘Smelly’…Back then, especially back then — I say a few swear words now — but especially then, you couldn’t get me to swear. So I would say, ‘That’s a smelly song.’ That would mean, ‘It’s so great,’ that you’re engrossed in it. So he would call me ‘Smelly.’“

Now when people call Michael Jackson “Smelly,” they’re referring to the formaldehyde that’s preserving him. You know, the more things change, the more they stay the same. For the complete interview and more airbrushed-to-womanhood pictures, hit up ohnotheydidnt.