The Hills: Audrina Needs Fashion Help; Heidi Celebrates Her B-Day Without Lauren
It doesn’t matter if Audrina, token brunette of The Hills, is talking about going to try to sign a band or the conflict in the Middle East. Everything that comes out of her mouth just sounds like sweet ol’ boringness. It’s a good thing she wears t-shirts as dresses to keep people - Justin Bobby, Hot Guy From Indie Band, Lauren, America - interested!
Below the jump we marvel at Whitney’s (lack of) brain power, Spencer’s gift buying skills, and Audrina and Justin’s matching outfits. Hills heaven awaits!
The blonde Voguies (Whit and LC, natch) meet up with Leather Face to discuss that night’s Young Hollywood fashion show starring a bunch of Marc Jacobs dresses and lots of tweens - and Hilary Duff - in the audience. By young, they mean pedophile young, apparently.
The show is a big deal and the pressure, as usual, is all on Whitney. Which is scary because she can’t seem to figure out how the walkie talkies work and has a mini-panic attack trying to warp her brain around it.
Amazingly Lauren actually understands the magic of electronics, which is amazing as she has nothing going on upstairs.
Wait, where is there a bunch of empty space and air and clouds and designer bags?
Got it. Thanks. Despite their lack of brain power, the girls pull off the fashion show and all their elders at Vogue are impressed. Meanwhile, Audrina and Heidi reach out to new friends to talk about old topics - the losers that they willingly date.
Meet the latest insecure lady to feel the sting of Heidi’s crazy talk - Kimberly:
And Audrina’s intern friend who doesn’t know any better, Chiara:
Kimberly somehow manages to get suckered in to an entire lunch listening to Heidi ramble about how Spencer - and his fugly flowers - is the best thing to ever happen to the worldy 21-year old (oh yeah, it’s Heidi’s birthday! OMG x10!).
Luckily she is smart enough to be horrified by Heidi’s declaration of psychotic Spencer-love.
One thing we can all love, however, is a fancy-ass bag from Chanel.
So Spencer is good at buying love. So what?
Okay - we admit it. We want one too. Not a sh*tty boyfriend, a bag. Jealous sigh.
After some awkward interaction, the night ends with Spencer doing some serious heavy petting….
Of his iPhone.
Someone who doesn’t have an iPhone - or a phone at all - is our beloved Justin Bobby. He and Audrina go to check out the band The Ruse at the Viper Room - Johnny Depp’s old club where River Phoenix died (Er, did I just date myself?).
For some reason they are - Adorably? Awfully? - wearing matching leather jackets, which reminds us of something Roseanne Barr and Tom Arnold did in 1993.
The happy couple hangs with the band after their show, and a war breaks out between flannel-wearing, Doc Marten rocking, Eddie Vedder wannabee Justin and the hot skinny alt-indie bassist Mark. It’s a battle between 1993 and 2003! But first, the guys must emasculate themselves by giggling over Audrina’s cocktail of choice, The Naughty School Girl.
Oh my god, JB has teeth! WHITE teeth! He flosses!
Oh Mark. You are cute. Until you do this.
Are you like, available to review the dating etiquette that we all learned in seventh grade? Mark, Mark, Mark. You’ve now established yourself as the weird guy who whispers into JB’s ear in an attempt to bone his girlfriend. It’s too bad Justin’s answer of “She’s good” does nothing to clarify the situation. (Psst - a quick trip to The Ruse’s Myspace page has revealed a contest to win a date with Mark. Have at it!)
But it’s true, Audrina is good…at wearing ridiculous outfits, like this t-shirt she attempted to pull off as a dress the entire night.
And from the back:
This is why it doesn’t matter what comes out of Audrina’s mouth.
Next week on The Hills, it’s the episode we’ve all been waiting for, with faces we’ve only dreamed about.
Heidi…
And Lauren…
DUKE IT OUT! TWICE! Holy crap, we can not wait.
“I want to forgive you and forget you” might be the smartest thing to ever come out of here:
[All images: MTV]
