Next Great Band: Don’t Go Changing
Whatever you do, don’t mock the judges on this show – America will boot your ass to the street. Last week the TNGAB’s three pundits told The Muggs’ Danny and Rocket’s Lauren hone their vocals, and each either made a puss or directly snarled at the comments. Friday night both bands were dumped. Rock ‘n’ roll is supposed to be about attitude to some degree, but pop-rock, especially when it comes to this Fox fodder, needs to wag its tail and woof politely if it wants to hang tight.
That’s not to say that Goo Goo Doll, Sheila Doll and Dicko Doll were wrong about that Danny and Lauren’s croaking. Simply put, those two can’t sing for sh*t. The rest of the bunch, who ran through a handful of Billy Joel tunes, had fun funking up “Big Shot” (Franklin Bridge), honky-tonking “You May Be Right” (Old No. 7), and putting a Southside Johnny spin on “Tell Her About It” (Mile High Orchestra).
The Night’s Best Lines:
Cliff Wagner: “This song’s written by the Old Kentucky Fox Hunter, Mr. Billy Joel.”
Dicko (to muttonchopped Wagner): “I just think it’s great that you’ve used your time in Hollywood to audition for the part of ‘Boss Hog’ – well done.”
Adam Blair: “Hi everybody, we’re Dot Dot Dot and this is the coolest day of our lives because we get to play “Pressure” by Billy Joel.”
Dicko (to Sixwire): “You rely on women for votes, you are the housewives’ choice. Question: why would you sing such a woman-hating tale of misogyny like that?” [After they drifted through “Always a Woman To Me.”]
Sheila E: “To Andy, if a woman could ever ask a man to marry her, I would. I love you Andy, I love you Andy, I love you.”
Michael Bostinto: “Working too hard can give me a heart attack-ack-ack-ack-ack, you oughta know by now.”
The Audience: “Boooooooooo” (when Johnny Goo dissed Tres Bien).
How these eight outfits got through a Piano Man show and didn’t rock “We Didn’t Start the Fire,” I’ll never understand. I’m thinking Old No. 7 and Tres Bien get the boot this week. That means they’ll never be able to rock the songs of Leiber & Stoller (this week’s classic songwriters). Who do you think will be dumped?
