We love Whitney. We love when Whitney works out, we love when Whitney wears lingerie with moccasins to go to a bar, and we REALLY love when Whitney calls herself “awkward.” Because honestly….

She’s right.

Below the jump: Jaret the trainer puts the moves on Whit, Spencer cringes when he enters a church and Heidi continues Whine Fest 2007!

But first, a workout montage!!!

Pump it, Aud!

Lauren pretends the pads are Heidi’s new nose!

Whitney turns Jaret on by making punching adorable and awkward!

Phew. Time to ask the hot trainer out, right girls? So let’s take a look at the meat:

I guess he works as eye candy, but once this dude opens his mouth, he makes Spencer look like, er…a smarter version of Spencer. I am unsure of this ‘dating Jaret’ decision for numerous reasons, such as:

1. Didn’t he take Lauren and Audrina out on a date already this season?
2. He seems dumb and boring.
3. Didn’t Lauren and Audrina label him as dumb and boring on their date with him earlier this season?

The girls decide to get dressed together for their night out at the dive bar - which was a fabulous plan because it led us to discover the magic that is Whitney’s outfits, and Lauren’s possible girl crush on Whitney.

After sifting through her makeup bag and declaring her “naturally beautiful,” Lauren makes Whitney twirl her outfit and admires the goods: a slip, some tights, and a whole lotta lanky bones.

And a little bit o’ ass too.

At the bar, Jaret shows up with hair extensions (magical!) and some pool skills to show off.

He continues his awkward mack by asking Whitney to workout. Which I guess makes sense because clearly he does not know how to do anything else. And really, he just likes watching her flail them bones around. They share an intimately sweaty hike up that LA Canyon everyone loves, and then make sweet music together doing jumping jacks and air punches.

Jaret then asks Whitney out again, but on this time it’s for a real date - full of awkward conversations, weird pauses, and some sort of “we’re two single people out being single!” declaration. Translation: “God help me, I am so f*cking lonely.”

Also, Jaret took out his hair extensions.

Meanwhile, over in the world of the blonde and batshi*t insane, Heidi and Spencer continue planning their wedding. We don’t blame Spencer for having tude about all this - it kinda makes us feel like:

too.

Heidi drags him to look at a church, where he sits in a pew for the first time and wonders why God made him so annoying.

In a sad attempt to be romantic/exert his “power”over his meek, 21-year old Barbie doll, Spencey books the pair a trip to Vegas to go get hitched.

Heidi ain’t having it, slides her ring off, and marches into the bedroom. Spencer runs home to do his laundry at Mommy and Daddy’s house.

His departure doesn’t sit will with Heidi, who whines to that new brunette at work about it. Kimberly has done the right thing by getting a new hair-do, but she still needs to work her faces. You’re on TV honey (and you’re prettier than Heidi) - work it!

I am searching for the one person on earth who actually sympathizes with Heidi for her Spencer situation. If you exist, give me a call, cuz her sad face sure as hell doesn’t work on me anymore.

Also I just have to ask, when she whines to Spencer that she wants family and friends at their wedding, what group of “friends” is she referring too? The ones they both burned over the course of their relationship? Hey, I’ll come!

Rest assured, Spencer wins her back with a $6 bouquet of roses.

In the end, Spencer gets his girl, Jaret gets the boot, and the Hills girls get the got bodies they’ve always dreamed about having!

As for the rest of us, we get this:

Next week, the world meets She-Spencer and we bid Justin Bobby and his scissor tat farewell!

Also, did anyone else notice that Audrina and Lauren appear to be hanging out with a set of clones - of themselves? This show just got doubly boring!

[All images: MTV]

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