The Hills: She-Pratt Attacks & Audrina Boots Justin Bobby

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Last night on The Hills, we learned a valuable lesson: Girls can hit other girls. Also, we learned that Lauren knows how to make one hardcore, reallllllly ugly face as her token reaction to everything.

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Eh, perhaps that’s the most important lesson of all.

Let’s just start by saying that when she’s not letting her eyes droop, Audrina is the most adorable Hillsie – and with the best backbone, to boot. Way to not let a man run your life (kinda), lady!

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So the world has learned that Spencer has a sister, known to family as Stephanie and to the world of haters as She-Pratt. Is anyone really surprised that she was eager to get into the family business of being an ass on TV?

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The girls meet She-Pratt (‘Sheep’ for short? What do you think?) face-to-face when she breathes her wrath on the popular kids at the hip club Opera.

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I guess we get who She-Pratt thinks she is, but seriously, who the hell does Roxy think she is? She can’t just get all up in our girls’ faces and expect to be on reality TV? Or can she.

The facial expression party continues when Lauren, Auds, and Brody get freaked out by the screaming girls:

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But things get even worse when the gang catches Justin Bobby locking lips with some red-headed, er,…hottie?

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Of course, more faces ensue. It’s nice to see that these girls have yet to botox the emotion out of their faces.

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And at this moment, The Hills finally gets not just good – but REAL. That alone leaves us shocked! But then we caught wind of this boob grab, which really made our mouths pop open.
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Isn’t that kind of worse than the alleged kiss that went down? He’s like milking that chick who – by the way – turns out to be as wonderfully articulate as Justin Bobby with the line, “I did not kiss him, I did not nothing him.”

She’s nothinged lots of dudes. So what?

Sadly, it took a tragedy of this capacity to bring out the Justin Bobby we knew existed – the guy would can actually form a grammatically correct sentence.

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Oh.My.God. He’s actually kind of sexy and hot and Audrina should totally forgive him- NO! We must fight the power of that sexy hair wrapped in an unidentifiable cloth object!

Sigh. He’s just so goodlooki- okay, enough. When it comes time for Audrina to dump the JB-ster, she stood her ground – even when he insisted that she was “on hallucinogenics, dude,” when she accused him of the lip-lock. He also delivers the line “Your friends don’t fathom me whatsoever,” in which he either used the word totally wrong (it sounded like he meant to say “like?”) or he just blew our minds with the use of the word fathom (was he trying to say “comprehend?” Is this possible?)!

Regardless, Justin Bobby looks even hotter with his hair pulled back.

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This better not be the end of our man! We’re really beginning to regret Audrina’s decision. We should ask Spencer to pray for this relationship to work out. He’d probably do something shady like pay off God.

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She-Pratt goes back to visit her bro and future She-Devil-in-law and dishes the deets from her run-in with Brody and LC. Heidi keeps the facial expression party going with this mess:

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She can’t believe we still care about her! Honestly, neither can we, but there’s something about her…we just can’t help ourselves.

Next week, we remember why: her love of the dramaz!

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[All images: MTV]

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