Kardashians: Sex Partners, Sex Pictures

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kimkiss-2.jpg
Kim
‘s celeb career got some early juice when that sex tape with Ray-J made the rounds, and last night on Keeping Up With the Kardashians, the forever tittilating subject of naked pics and numerous lovers was revitalized. Making an appearance at a car show (don’t quit school, kids), Lady Kim introduces Fabolous, who the tabloids say she’s “been” with. Then her publicist calls, explaining that Page Six wants verification regarding her snuggling it up with Terence Howard at the chic club, Butter. “One of the things that drives me crazy about being famous is everyone wanting the details of who I’m dating,” says Kim. But with a giggle, it’s revealed that it was her sister that was rubbing groins with the actor. With all that eye make-up, how can you tell those two apart? Bad girl, Kourtney, bad girl. How best to rectify? Kim & Kourt have scheduled a radio chat with Ryan Seacrest. She can use the session to tell the world she’s not a slore (that’s slut-whore for you church-goers), aka sluvette.

Ryan: Let me start the list. Did you date Joe Francis from Girls Gone Wild?

Kim: No way! That’s my sister’s friend.

Ryan: What about the bassist from Fall Out Boy, Pete Wentz?

Kim: No, but I did kiss him. I was in his video, and we had a kissing scene. But I also kissed a monkey in that shoot.

Ryan: Terence Howard?

Kourtney: This is hilarious: I was the one sitting on his lap that night.

Ryan: What’s the story with Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian?

Kim: Reggie and I are good friends.

Ryan: Well, there was pregnant pause, and you shifted eye-contact (as you answered). Have you ever seen Reggie Bush with his shirt off?

Kim: Yes. Aren’t there lots of commercials and stuff?

See how easy it is to clear the air? But back home, there’s more trouble. A bad man is trying to peddle some sex images of Kourt. The eldest K “unfortunately” took some risque shots with her boyfriend when she was in high school. As a practical joke, Kim stole ‘em, and – oops – left ‘em somewhere. Now they’re bouncing around unprotected. Manager-mom Kris called the FBI, because Kourt was underage when the pics were taken and child porn is something the cops care about. After four and half TV minutes of weeping and worrying, the government agents dial up Kimville to report that they’ve nailed the bastard. Everyone breathes easy, and we all wonder what other sex stuff will bubble up when the recently-renewed show comes back with new episodes in the spring. Until then we’ll leave you with this revealing exchange:

Kourtney (to Kim): Why does mom have a picture of you, not me, as her screen saver?

Khloe: Because she gets 10%.

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  1. tina says:

    TRUE VANESSA SOME OF WHAT U SAID

  2. Hecate says:

    well i heard that u had one amazing night with pete wentz behind ashelys back is that true?

  3. shelisa says:

    kim i cant beleve u slept wit ray j him wit his one style u!!!!

  4. Frances says:

    first Let me saay Kim i Love uu ur the BESt Ever body gunna do stuff that theey dont thinnk abouut tiL after soo theat sex video is nothing ; Okaay Btw ” i have that Video on my ipod .

  5. who cares says:

    WHO CARES ABOUT THE KARDASHIANS PLEASE GO AWAY!!!