You were there through the bad driving, the head-shaving, and the Criss Angel thing. It’s been a tough year for our girl. No one could have imagined a mere 12 months ago that she’d create such glorious new nonsense every week. Some of the craziness escapes you? Come back every day: We’re counting down the events that made up the Year in Britney.
November 14 – Inhalers and Car Seats – Spears failed one of her mandatory drug tests, which were put in place as a stipulation of her custody agreement. The drug Provigil – which is used to treat narcolepsy — was found in her system. Just two days later, a judge ruled that Britney is prohibited from driving with her children in the car. [Access Hollywood]
November 18 – Natural Born Hustler – Spears made a stop at the Hustler Store, purveyor of sexy lingerie and sex toys, after midnight. When the pop star attempted to try on the underwear she’d selected, store staff informed her that due to the laws of society and the rules of hygiene, she was not allowed. The star then stripped down in the middle of the store in front of 15 customers. When asked to pay, the late-night skivvy shopper rolled her eyes, and snatched a pink wig as she walked out. [Us Weekly]
November 20 – Like A Virgin, Only Not – Just two days after her bizarre episode at the Hustler store, Us Weekly wages all out tabloid war, publishing a report that Spears lost her virginity at the tender age of 14, and not to Timberlake, which she’d always maintained. The magazine also revealed several family skeletons in its cover story on the fallen star, chiefly that depression runs in the Spears family, and Britney’s grandmother had committed suicide after her infant son died. [Us Weekly]
November 28 – Knocked Up? – InTouch reports that Britney is in a family way, by producer JR Rotem. Rotem was one of the pop star’s first suitors following her separation from Federline, and confessed to Blender magazine that he’d “f*cked her wheelbarrow style.” InTouch reports that Rotem had confirmed the pregnancy, but Britney pal Sam Lufti quickly quashed the rumor, calling it “B.S.” [JustJared]
November 28 – Britney’s Very Own Wonderland – On the same day the pregnancy allegations broke, Star magazine had a cover story on Britney’s “Fantasy Room.” Apparently Brit has a room in her house dedicated solely to her kinky sex hobby. Within the mirror-ceilinged room are ticklers, spanking paddles, fur-trimmed handcuffs, costumes and pictures lining the walls of the pop star in a variety of lewd positions. Apart from the double-locked fantasy room, the spy also claimed that Brit’s house is a mess, with feces-stained couches. [Star Magazine]
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Jay-Z Quit Def Jam – Then one foggy Christmas Eve, Jay-Z came to day, “Beyoncé, with your nose so bright…” Kidding! But Jay really did announce on the 24th that he’s leaving his post as president of Def Jam. There wasn’t much by way of explanation: in the vague wording of his official statement, he’s looking to “take on new challenges.” Bizarrely, he plans to keep recording for the label. If his history with retiring is any indication, expect him back in that leather seat and chomping on a cigar within a year’s time. [
October 3 – Loses Mind, Babies – After a three-hour hearing where both Brit and K-Fed were present, primary custody was awarded to Federline, while Spears received monitored visitation. In order to regain custody privileges, Spears would have to obtain a California driver’s license, attend parenting classes with Federline and submit to drug tests. The judge warned Spears to take his threats seriously. [
Late this summer Vanessa Hudgens taught all of young Hollywood an important, valuable lesson – don’t take photos of yourself naked when you’re the star of a show beloved by billions of five-year olds. But honestly, we’re REALLY glad she did, because she made our summers that much sexier and entertaining! The up and coming starlet 
Based around Daft Punk’s “Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger,” West’s top-charting single from his third album is part dance, part Nietzschean manifesto. Slamming together beats and rhymes in a furious display of his pop-star prowess, the producer-cum-rapper explains in no uncertain terms why he is the best thing to ever happen to music in the history of everything. Yes, some of the references are awkward, but his savvy wit and deep knowledge of the news of the day serves him well; any song that manages to somehow fit Kate Moss, O.J. Simpson, Isotoner gloves, Christian Dior, Louis Vuitton, A Bathing Ape, Prince and Apollonia into even a loose rhyme scheme is impressive. The video, which stars actors wearing Daft Punk’s robot suits and West’s post-post-modern fashion sense (Jeremy Scott sunglasses, Akira apparel), is the true star here, though, since it manages to both produce a vaguely coherent narrative and look extremely cool. Blame West’s fascination with Japanese art: His love of underground Japanese cultural lodestone Nigo (an artist, musician, clothing designer and all-around cultural kingpin) and artist Takashi Murakami have added up to something new entirely. Where the Wu-Tang were once fascinated by Bruce Lee, West has updated hip-hop’s not-so-latent orientalism. He wears it well.
It seems Spoon saved the best for almost-last when they placed “Finer Feelings” as the penultimate track on Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga. While the song traffics in many of the things the Austin quartet have been doing best for over a decade (bright, spiky indie pop with a dollop of barely concealed contempt from too-cool frontman Britt Daniel), it also comes with a few new features. Starting with a sample from Mikey Dread, a collaborator of known Spoon-influence the Clash, Daniel launches into what might be his most personal song to date, a portrait of the artist as a young man: “I was part-time at the Tasty Prawn/ That and moving furniture and cutting lawns/ Covered in newsprint, staying up real late/ Just holding out for some fate.” The band then devolves into a melodic cacophony, an interlude straight out of the “Day In The Life,” playbook, all ricocheting guitar, Motown bassline and what sounds like a moaning, slowed-down harmonica. Daniel resorts to a series of “do do do do,” so as not to detract from the symphony of detail he’s conjured.
Some gossip stories are too big to forget. We’re counting down the 20 biggest, baddest, and most ridiculous celeb scandals of the year. You’ll get a new one posted every day.
