When we last left Scott, his mouth was hanging open…
…and it hasn’t moved since.
You’ll remember that Scott’s shock came from Renee’s announcement that she is with child. It took him seven episodes of a reality show to grow up emotionally vis a vis his dealings with women, and just when he felt accomplished, Renee dropped the bomb. That’s OK, Scott: you have another reality show to help you cope now. Take it one segment at a time.
After hearing the news, Scott takes to a golf course where he smokes a cigar…
…not in baby-oriented celebration, but to help him deal.
His bros show up to lend their support…
…and by “support,” I mean “heckling,” on the part of Johnny V, who’s now back in Scott’s life after being banished by Doc Ali. Thus far, getting Johnny V off our TV set’s was clearly Doc’s greatest contribution to society. It hurts to see her work trampled like that.
His buddies’ support does nothing to stop Scott’s wincing at pending fatherhood/cutting all ties with his frozen-in-amber adolescence.
At least he’s consistent…
…and funny! On the way to Renee’s first ultrasound, Scott tells her about a theory he has regarding the baby’s sex:
“If it’s a girl, you take the baby and you plug its nose and blow real hard in its mouth, you can pop a little penis out.” I can’t wait for the very special episode in which this procedure is administered.
On the table, Renee tells the doctor of their hopes for the child:
“Healthy, first thing. Second thing, hopefully a penis.” Penis, penis, penis. All this penis talk. Was this show somehow crossbred with I Love New York? Anyway, we see the first look at their baby and…
…it bears a striking resemblance to Sister Patterson! Kidding. It hasn’t been around long enough to grow claws like that.
Time passes and Scott decides that it’s time to get a new, bigger house. One, say, like this:
The true test is finding whether the house is big enough to withstand his need for alone time, and so with Renee on one end of the house, he walks to different points, making sure that they can’t hear each other.
Because, really, if you’re moving in with someone, you want to ensure that you’ll be able to see and hear them as little as possible at any given moment. Makes sense to me!
After some debate regarding the placement of the nursery and if they should buy the house at all…
…Scott eventually convinces Renee to, I guess, allow him to buy the house. Which is good because seriously the pad is awesome and I can’t wait to see them on Cribs!
Then, Scott attends a baby support group that Doc Ali helped coordinate.
It goes terribly.
But then, if it went well, what would he do for the next eight weeks? Attempt to turn innie bellybuttons into outies?
He meets with his bros again at this crazy driving range that’s multiple tiered and looks straight out of Asia.
Well, not there, but rest assured: it does. Johnny V acts all somber and quiet, which is, you know, nice. Scott, not content to leave well enough alone, asks him what’s up. What follows proves infuriating.
Johnny is salty because he feels that he isn’t being included in this baby stuff. What does he want, a pair of forceps? Some ultrasound jelly? A degree in obstetrics? Seriously? What? He’s there isn’t he? Isn’t another season as the closest thing to a villain as this show gets enough?
For the final scene, Scott takes Renee out to dinner.
It’s the place where he originally told her he wouldn’t be able to see her for eight weeks, per Doc Ali’s guidance, so it’s, like, special. They spot a magician going from table to table who looks nothing but annoying. He finally approaches.
He does some trick and…
…it turns out he’s a hired hand, as it were. For what this trick produces is…
…a ring! Scott proposed before, but now it’s, like, officially going to be official. And, that’s not all! Though they previously decided against it, Renee and Scott just can’t wait anymore: they want to see what the sex of their baby is.
Awww! That should only help raise Scott’s stress level and instances of wincing. It’s gonna be a great season!
Scott Baio Is 46…and Pregnant show page