Flavor of Love 3 Recap - Episode 2 - Flavor in the Sky With Girlfriends

Yeah, yeah, the skydiving’s cool…

…but it’s nothing compared to the Shy-diving.

Once again, a star is born.

It’s mooorning…

…and we’ll crunch our fat away…

It happened…

…and now Sinceer is HUNG. OVER. “I think I need a beer,” she says, and Rayna immediately calls her out for sounding like an alcoholic. Not so, says Sinceer, who explains that she needs the beer to “knock off the headache.” It’s that hair-of-the-hound thing. Oh, sorry, I mean weave of the hound.

It would seem as though Sinceer is either still faded, completely lacking in self-awareness or a brilliant satirist, as minutes after refuting the accusation of alcoholism, she says that she drinks “fives times a day.” Did she get lost on her way to an Afterschool Special and end up in the Flavor of Love house?

The ever-judgmental Seezinz labels Sinceer as a drunk and “ghetto.”

Sinceer’s retort can be best summed up as probable confirmation.

We see her doing a fake police drunken test…

Ah yes, the lovable lush. Every house needs one. Toasteee, consider yourself replaced.

The girls are called downstairs and gather around for the Flavor-Gram. It basically says that Flav is in search of a prescription for his broken heart, and leaves the challenge open-ended so that the girls can harness their creativity. Unsurprisingly, America’s Next Top Person, Shy, steps up to the challenge. She cuts her nurse’s skirt into strips…

…and reports, “This is creative, y’all.” Well, pat yourself on the back, Edwina Scissorhands. Wait. On second thought, don’t do that. You’ll make yourself bleed.

She suggests that, “You can call me Shy-Shain, ’cause I’m ’bout to kick some ass!” Hmmm. Can I call you Shy-Whatthehellyoutalkinbout instead?

Meanwhile, Rayna starts yammering that her “black tube of perfume is missin’.”

First of all, what the hell is a tube of perfume? Is that some designer-impostor crap she’s complaining about? If it’s a tube, it can’t be that expensive, anyway, right?

Nonetheless, Rayna parades throughout the house, asking people if they’ve seen this elusive black tube of perfume.

They have not. Outside on the patio, Tik, who’s proving to be as kindhearted as Loretta Devine’s character in Waiting To Exhale, expresses genuine concern, prompting Rayna to reveal that…

Nice. Rayna explains that this exercise was merely to get her on the minds of all the girls. As tedious as this sounds, it’s not like she has anything else to do with her time. I have a feeling her strategy will yield little-to-no payoff, but at least she was weird for viewers’ amusement. Rayna explains her philosophy: “You eat, you sleep and you breathe Rayna. So I think that’s hot.” Why does that not surprise me at all?

And then, it’s time for the challenge. Big Rick is dressed as a doctor, and he pushes Flav around a hospital in a gurney.

For no good reason, Flav is wearing a wig. But, to be fair, it’s for no bad reason, either.

The games begin with the sexiest woman in all the Flavor of Love universe, Myammee.

She changes behind a screen, while ticking off facts about her life to a blindfolded Flav. When she’s done, she quizzes him. She asks him where she was born and raised and he’s stuck. Uh, Flav? This question is as difficult as remembering THE NAME YOU GAVE HER.

Flav fares better on the questions about her favorite drink (margaritas) and…

Flav knows this one for sure: an impressive 34DDD. When he gets this right, he gets the prize:

Haaaaay!

Next up is Shy who is characteristically bizarre, all kung-fu-ish and proclaiming that she’ll kick the lovesickness out of Flav.

Outside, Shy elaborates.

Man, is this woman amazing, or what?

Bunz eats out of Flav’s mouth, just like she did last episode.

I wonder at what point that Lady and the Tramp bit gets old?

Prancer courageously sucks on Flav’s lip…

Thing 1 & 2 introduce body-painting into the festivities…

Sinceer presents Flav with a teddy bear wearing a cape that’s supposed to be him. On the back, she has bedazzled his name. However, it is spelled wrong.

Sinceer reports…

“I made sure I didn’t have no drank, so I’d be sober when I did this.” Well, it sure didn’t take long for her lovable-lush story to turn to tragedy, now did it?

Seezinz also has a problem spelling…

It’s “Flavor” not “Flava.” When this is pointed out, Seezinz is perturbed…

You know, she and Sinceer should put aside their differences and bond over their terrible spelling.

Ice presents Flav with New York on a dartboard. I’m shocked that he actually hits bullseye.

Who knew he had that kind of aim in him?

El plays with his feet…

…which he is NOT into. Next time you want to impose your foot fetish on someone else, think twice, The.

Tik experiments with color therapy…

Oooh! Glitter! Sexy!

Grayvee puts foil on her teeth…

Saint Lewis presents Flav with hot chips…

…Yeah. I have no idea, either.

Rayna has a really weird set-up that she calls “Flava Gras.”

Now that, people, is how you do color therapy.

And finally, Hotlanta presents Flav with this globe in an engraved case…

As far as gestures go, it doesn’t get any more beautiful on this show. Because she referenced his music (specifically, the carving refers to Public Enemy’s It Takes a Nation of Millions To Hold Us Back), she wins the challenge. Ice, for her creative use of catharsis also gets picked. And finally, for being so damn sexy, so does Myammee. Yay. More Myammee on myteevee.

Back at home, there is strife. Girls including the twinzzzzz, Sinceer and Shy all sit around outside talking about who should go home.

But how can she go home with her black tube of perfume somewhere loose in the house?

As these girls are talking, others are listening.

I love how open and Brady Bunch this display of eavesdropping is. Somewhere, Hotlanta’s all, “Urban Brady Bunch!”

Rayna takes the character assassination in stride:

“Perhaps they were jealous of me. I’d be jealous of me, too, if I wasn’t me.” When she puts it that way, it makes so much sense. Her coolness only makes her more Pam Grier-esque. I bet she has her black belt in barstools.

The twins tell us in their vocal see-sawing fashion, that it’s time to confront Rayna. They do, but not a lot comes of it, probably because of Rayna’s chi is keeping her balanced.

She does not. Although, she does claim that the twins are trying to get camera time by confronting her. Uh, Rayna? The twins don’t have to do anything to get camera time. They’re twins.

Morning dawns.

While Hotlanta, Ice and Myammee are on their date with Flav, the other girls will meet with one…

Sadly, she is not there to discuss her triumphant role in Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit. She is, however, there to uplift the girls with her motivational speaking. Sinceer takes issue with this.

“Please. If you f***in’ think this is ‘Kumbaya’-land, this ain’t no ‘Kumbaya’ up in this motherf***in’ house.” At least she’s realistic. And also: possibly quoting Sister Patterson.

Sheryl’s address is sort of hilarious.

“And I don’t care how popular it is — when folks say, ‘Talk to the hand,’ they rude!” OK, when’s the last time anyone in the world has said, “Talk to the hand”? Ten years ago? I can’t wait to get Sheryl’s take on other catchphrases of years gone by like, “Where’s the beef?”, “Did I do thaaaat?” and “Is that your final answer?” Regardless, all the girls are like, “Yeah!” when Sheryl says this.

It’s probably because their hands are among the least likely parts of their anatomy they’d show to someone, so they don’t feel threatened. But anyway, things really do get deep when Shy talks about how she lost her mom to sarcoidosis. El and Bunz have lost parents, too. Speaking of parents, Sinceer’s don’t want her there. All this talk of family unleashes the emotions.

It’s really nice and uplifting for, like, five minutes. When Sheryl leaves, the girls, as though fiending for yang after so much yin, decide to play a game of charades, in which they’ll impersonate each other. Well, this oughta be nice and cathartic.

It starts off light with Shy saying, “Man, I’m gonna kill some alligators up in here.” She’s obviously doing a country thing and thus, is making fun of Grayvee. Grayvee has a great sense of humor about this.

And, seriously, after watching Shy’s display, how could she not? Good luck tearing your eyes off of this to read the rest of the recap:

Then Rayna does Bunz, in the process showing off her own considerable pair:

Prancer does Ice by talking hilariously low:

Saint Lewis does a drunk impression, so, duh, she’s talking about Sinceer.

Sinceer admits that she’s offended, but takes a drink immediately after. One for the team!

But that’s when the problems begin. Sinceer’s impression goes like this:

She asks, “Who am I?” “A nobody?” asks Shy, as though they’d set this thing up ahead of time. “Which one?” asks Sinceer. The answer is obvious: Seezinz. Rayna is not amused.

Neither is Seezinz.

Funnily enough, when she’s told of this impression (she wasn’t witness to it, which is kind of a jerk move on Sinceer’s part — the least she could do is mock Seezinz to her face!), she takes the same stance that Sinceer did to imitate her. Ha! Her response to the news is, “So Klingon’s basically saying I’m nobody?” Cut to…

God, it’s so hard to pick a side when each consecutive insult is funnier than the last.

Seezinz asserts her identity all up in Sinceer’s face.

It goes on and on and Kling-on.

Having been broken up, Sinceer rants outside.

“You know what, I don’t want to get sent home over no s***, but if I do GET SENT HOME TONIGHT, I’M SLAPPIN’ THAT BITCH!” Realistic and resourceful, so are the ways of Sinceer.

Meanwhile, while all this is going on it is revealed that the girls on the date with Flav are actually going skydiving. Though this is a reward, it is also a punishment for someone like Hotlanta, who’s afraid of heights.

Hotlanta asks Flav to take care of her kids, should she die. He says that he will. And that’s reassuring how…?

They jump and it’s as exhilarating as you’ve heard.

Hotlanta ends up loving the experience, deeming it “That was like the most awesome experience besides having my children.” I believe that flying is every bit as notable as passing a watermelon.

Meanwhile, Flav pulls his cord at 10,000 feet, which is entirely too early. And so, everyone has to wait for him to flutter down.

You know how sometimes when Flav goes into a “Wooooooow,” you have no idea when he’s going to come out of it? This is like that, just vertically realized.

Finally, everyone’s safe on the ground.

Since skydiving did nothing to eliminate these girls, a regular old elimination ceremony is in order. Before that, Ice tells Flav of Rayna’s fakeness in the limo and, back at home, Seezinz brings him up to speed on the tiff with Sinceer.

The snitching does nothing to impact Flav’s decision: all the girls involved in the altercations receive their clocks. You’re shocked, right? Flav calls to the carpet El and Tik…

…and he forgets the name of the third girl he’s going to eliminate. Later, he explains that this is why he eliminated her. Eh? Anyway, it’s Saint Lewis.