Our Dream Celebrity Rehab Cast, Season 2

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dream_rehab

The finale of Celebrity Rehab happens Thursday, March 6 at 10 p.m., and the Good Doctor Drew has been able to bring so much health and healing into the lives of the porn stars, American Idol rejects and washed up actors he’s touched.

Given Drew’s high success rate, and the troubles of some of our other celebrities, we’ve put together our Dream All-Star Cast for next season. And since Drew’s already wrestled with drug and alcohol addictions, we wanted to see how he’d do getting some other folks off their addictions…

Matthew McConaughey & Shirtlessness — More often shirtless than not, McConaughey just announced plans for a clothing line named for his J.K. Livin’ motto (“Just Keep Livin’”). Could shirts be in the cards for Matt?

Kate Moss & Musicians — Sure, sure. Everyone will probably say she needs to lay off the powder and not the musicians, but how do you think she gets the cocaine?

Christina Aguilera & Vocal Runs — It would have been assless chaps if Ms. Aguilera hadn’t cleaned up her act a bit, but we’d really love it if she’d quit it with the vocal runs.

Kiera Knightley & Period Pieces — The lantern-jawed actress has made a career out of appearing in period dramas of the Jane Austen variety. Does her house even have electricity?

Simon Cowell & Tight Black Tees — We get it, Simon. You look pretty good for a dude your age. But maybe you want to switch it up a bit? A tight navy tee? Red? Variety is the spice of life.

Angelina Jolie & Orphans — It’s really great that Ange has taken it upon herself to rescue the unwanted children of the world, but a few more and her house will start to resemble the orphanages she’s rescuing them from.

Pete Wentz & Eyeliner – Pete, give it a rest. Ashlee’s going to get pissed if she finds you in her make-up bag again.

Eva Longoria & Attention — There’s no event too small, no party too insignificant, for Ms. Longoria. Envelopes open, and she appears for a photo opp.

Zac Efron & Fake Eyelashes — It was between the eyelashes, or the bang swoop.

Lindsay Lohan & Fake Tanning — Orange is a great look or her hair, not her skin. Give it a rest, Linz.