Celebrity Fit Club Breakdown – Episode 1 – Overweight Snakes in the Grass

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Been craving your fix of celebrities rolling in mud and running up balance beams all in the name of losing weight and winning $100 grand? Good news – Celebrity Fit Club is back! Even better – the show – which sticks the stars in boot camp – is filling, delicious and calorie free! Sounds tasty, right?

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We’ve got two new Fit Club teams this time around, the Newbies:

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who clearly have NO idea what they’re getting into, and this motley crew of Second Chancers:

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who are ready to f*ck shit up. Or so we think – Dustin’s being too nice this time around, and surely he’s gonna snap, right?

For anyone who needs a bit of eye candy as a reminder, here he is in all his, er, glory:

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That’s our Dustin! Certainly he’s the most controversial Fit Clubber, but is he the sexiest?

Our line up for the season is as follows:

Newbies: A.J. Benza, Erin Moran, Brian Dunkleman and Erin Moran.

Second Chancers: Dustin Diamond, Tina Yothers, Toccara and , Willie Aames, who has turned into an entirely new man since his season.

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Or, as Dunkleman put it so well, he looks exactly like Sammy Hagar. Willie is ready to earn a bulldog tattoo this season, which is the symbol for the Marines. Sure, Fit Club isn’t nearly as intense, but it’s close, right?

The first ep included a delicious raw, vegan feast hosted by Dr. Ian, an obstacle course challenge (which ended with the Newbs as winners and Willie being voted the “dead weight” of the losing team) and a typical ball-busting work out with Harvey. More importantly however, this episode gave us this season’s first booze-fest, first crazy face and the first (of what is sure to be many) meltdown. Let the games begin!

BOOZERS: Erin and Brian revealed themselves to be lovers of the bottle. Dunks went with wine at their vegan dinner, while at the junk-food party after, Erin downed a slew of beers. What was that Harvey said about losing 2 pounds?

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CRAZY FACE: In addition to being a skilled booze-hound, Erin also wins the award for “Most Ridiculous Face of Shock.” Here she is, when Stacey the psychotherapist announces that Dustin’s good behavior may not be as real as it seems:

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The truth hurts, Erin! We’re still waiting for the devious Dustin to return. So is Harvey, who isn’t taking ANY of Dustin’s sh*t. Seriously, like NONE of it.

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Or as he put it, “You a f*ckin’ snake in the grass to me…There is no f*cking second chance with me.”

So will Dustin actually buckle down and shape up? We have a feeling either way that the result will shock Erin.

And finally, Toccara demonstrated that while she didn’t win Top Model, she should be able to kill the competition on Top Meltdown.

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MELTDOWN MAMA: Don’t mess with a girl in this much eye make-up, Harvey! The pretty lady got pissed after the doc and team suggested that, at close to 40% body fat, she needs to slim down. Toccara loves her body the way it is, which totally explains why she ended up on a show all about changing one’s body. Again. After a bout of screaming and hand-waving, Harvey put an end to the drama with this gem: “We’re about to launch you like a scud missile.”

And with that let’s review where our players stand thus far, shall we?

NEWBIES

  • A.J. Benza: 5’10″, 210 pounds. Goals: lose 2 pounds next week, 20 overall.
  • Sommore: 5’6″, 181 pounds. Goals: lose 2 pounds next week, 16 overall.
  • Erin Moran: 5’4″, 127 pounds. Goals: lose 2 pounds next week, 8 overall.
  • Brian Dunkleman: 5’9″, 161 pounds. Goals: lose 1 pound next week, 8 overall.

SECOND CHANCERS

  • Tina Yothers: 5’6″, 189 pounds. Goals: 2 pounds next week, 16 overall.
  • Toccara: 5’9″, 187 pounds. Goals: 2 pounds next week, 14 overall.
  • Willie Aames: 5’6″, 191 pounds. Goals: 3 pounds next week, 24 overall.
  • Dustin Diamond: 6’1″, 217 pounds. Goals: 3 pounds next week, 24 overall.

Can the Fit Clubbers reach their goals next week? We’ll have to ponder that one for the next seven days, but if these faces are any sort of clue:

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It’s gonna be a good one. Especially because Erin does this again:

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Which can only mean one thing – some shocking sh*t is about to go down!

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  1. krystka says:

    I was really amazed at how Dustin Diamond and Erin Moran behaved. I wasn’t impressed at all by Toccara, either…..why on earth would she feel that she has to show up Erin Moran??? She’s just a diva who has to have all the attention, I guess. Whatever. But, Dustin was a HUGE crybaby, and Erin seriously, seriously needs some help. Doesn’t anyone see that?? I mean, unfortunately, people are going to laugh at her and make nasty comments, but the fact is, she just needs some kind of help, and I truly, truly, hope she gets it.

  2. Raechell says:

    Erin is 5’4″ and 127 lbs. Please tell me what is overweight about that???????????????

  3. Raechell says:

    And by the way, Dustin is a “panti-waist”. What a little cry baby. Harvey yelled at him, how terrible, call the police. PLEASE.