Flavor of Love 3 Recap – Episode 6 – When a Player Calls

You know why he needs to watch his grill? Because someone’s about to get skewered. Real talk!

In a bid to step up her game, Myammee puts on her seducin’ outfit (which looks a lot like her water-park outfit, but whatever) and tries to steal some one-on-one time with Flav.

But there is a small problem and there’s no way to put it delicately: Flav has to drop a deuce. On one hand, I’m sad that I have to report that. On the other, I’m happy for him: when faced with up-for-grabs 34DDDs, you want to be comfortable enough to enjoy them, you know? Good for him for never stopping in his quest for comfort.

So Flav does his thing and sprays the room and…

Ah, it’s like a happy ending and the show hasn’t even really started yet.

She’s comfortable, he’s comfortable. And they all lived crappily ever after. The end.

If only. Now, we have a much graver issue to contend with:

Bunz gets a call from someone who identifies himself as a “bearer of bad news.” Things are going down back home and no one’s paid her electricity bill. What’s a mom on a reality dating show to do?

Apparently, very little. But at least she looks hot with a puff of smoke almost obscuring her face.

Then, more phone drama:

Why Rayna? Why not? I guess she was bored or something, so she called the house, figuring she’d get to talk to someone. You know those girls have very little to do in that house besides stare at each other — someone was bound to talk to her. You know, the girls should set up a hotline, which would allow lonely people to reach out and touch them. They could give advice on how to keep other girls from tongue kissing your man, what reindeer is right for you, how to dig up dirt on star-searchers and how to treat pimples that look like herpes. You know, practical everyday stuff.

Anyway, Rayna is “mad at” the girls. I’m sure they care now since they cared so much when she was in the house for those two days. Also, she tells Seezinz to tell Flav to watch out. Why? Is she planning to spray some perfume from a black tube in his eyes?

Today’s challenge is designed to determine which of the girls is the most well-rounded. Interestingly, it is not a beauty pageant between Myammee and Bunz, although…

…if you want to talk “rounded,” they’ve certainly got the curves for it. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Challenges of all sorts and levels of repulsion will find girls going head-to-head. Whomever wins stays in the competition. Whomever loses has to sit on the shamefully titled “loser’s bench.” First up are Hotlanta and Things 1 & 2.

Just when you think you’ve seen reveling in excess of every sort, this show hits you with a good old fashioned eating contest.

They have to eat delicacies like brains, pate, foie gras and caviar. Whomever cleans the most off her plate wins the challenge. Since having both Things compete would offset the balance of this most delicate challenge, only one of the twins can go. Thing 1, being the more full-figured of the two, decides to go up to the plate, as it were.

Hotlanta justifiably yaks.

Right about now, the flavor of love is something like pricey vomit.

Anyway, Thing 1 wins for clearing this much off her plate:

Her cholesterol, however, loses. And sorely!

Next up is a challenge to find which girl is the hottest. Myammee is picked and she chooses to go up against Bunz, which is weird since Flav never stops talking about how hot he thinks Bunz is. Maybe Myammee is a really driven overachiever? She is the Lisa Simpson of this show.

The twist is that the challenge is to detect not subjective hotness, but actual body heat. It’s so straightforward, it’s ironic! The girls have three minutes to get their body temperature to raise and so they do, quite spectacularly:

In the end Myammee teaches us what we already know: she’s smokin’. She wins.

The next is a mommy challenge…

Prancer and Seezinz must race to see who can prepare a child mannequin for school the fastest. Despite being virtually mauled by her dummy…

…Prancer wins. She is inspiring and a survivor. Phenomenal woman, that’s she.

Sinceer is tickled that Seezinz has to go to the losers’ bench…

Little does Sinceer know that she’s headed to the loser’s bench, too. But I guess the “loser” tag only applies when it refers to Seezinz because life isn’t fair or maybe Sinceer just takes every opportunity to put Seezinz down. A little from column A, a little from column B.

Next up are the twins versus Myammee in a sermon challenge.

Their sermon is hilarious, if only for proving that having a twin gives you your own portable congregation. For her part, Myammee talks a lot about hands…

…but shows off so much more. She looks so pious, I at first mistook her for a pilgrim. Shockingly, it’s her sermon that wins, per the choir that’s been brought in to judge the proceedings…

Then Sinceer and Shy go and Sinceer learns how it feels to be both a loser and a twin…

Ah, I see the twins’ plan now: Sinceer will help them realize their dream of becoming conjoined. How devious!

Next, Shy and Prancer must listen to this guy…

…go on and on about how the sun works in the most complicated terms possible. Then they’re asked to regurgitate the information. Neither get it right, but Shy is particularly wrong. I think what pushed Prancer over the edge is the fact that she wore her thinking cap:

So now everyone’s out except Prancer and Myammee. The last challenge involves another dummy that must be rescued from a pool and dragged to safety.

This poses a major dilemma for Myammee who has no time to do anything about her precious hair that isn’t supposed to get wet. So she decides that she’ll keep her head above water, which of course, is not going to happen.

This leaves her water-logged and gives Prancer the chance to pull ahead.

To be fair, she did have an advantage, being part reindeer and all.

Despite having her world turned upside down when her weave got wet, Myammee finishes the challenge.

I can’t help but admire her bravery. It’s as though these women know no other way but to be 100 percent inspiring, 100 percent of the time.

Then, for the third time this episode, more phone drama:

Who could it be now? Someone from Myammee’s past? Rayna using one of those voice-altering boxes that are readily available in the world of horror movies? The voice is so low that it could even be Ice!

Shy is clearly having a ball, which is something to take note of for what happens later. Eventually Myammee gets on the phone. Imagine that: someone actually handling her own business!

Myammee tells him off, but obviously, this issue isn’t over. When pressed by Shy regarding who this guy is, Myammee explodes…

“I don’t know! It’s just a, uh, guy!” Well, that’s all I need to know! Story over, especially since she delivered that so calmly. Seriously, is she enrolled in Frantic 101 night classes, as taught by Rock of Love 2‘s Peyton?

You’ll never guess what happens next in a million years.

Phone drama, once again. Ugh, hang up already, people.

Soon, it’s time for Prancer’s date with Flav…

It’s a good thing they’re feeling amorous for this date will require them to…

… get naked and paint tonight.

This nice-looking lady is the probable between-the-sheets freak who runs this body-painting endeavor. It’s always the warm ones who are the kinkiest, don’t you find? Anyway, she tells them to strip down, but they won’t. That would be exploitation and we’re running a class show here. So they just strip down to bathing suits…

When did this show become Laugh-In? And does this mean that we’ll hear Flav mangle the words “Funk and Wagnalls” soon? Please?

They do their imprint thing and…

…it’s not nearly as effective as the ones that were made of naked people. Color me disappointed.

Back at home…

…Shy jumps up and down like Yosemite Sam. She’s apparently through with laughing about Myammee’s misfortune (or whatever this whole phone situation is) and has now decided to meditate on how it effects her.

Look at how graceful under pressure and/or hot breath Myammee is, though. Props!

Flav, having been clued-in to the whole Myammee drama by Prancer, meets with a select group of girls to talk about what’s doing.

Shy explains why she’s taking this so hard: her cousin stole money from some guy, received a threat and, the next day, was shot in the face. So she feels at risk. Or at least, her ego does, since Flav hasn’t been paying her much mind. Herein lies the problem:

It’s that hot breaf again! Flav can’t really pay much attention to what Shy has to say. How unfortunate for him, because it’s truly fascinating.

Then, Flav meets with some more girls to determine his next step.

Are those twins his spiritual advisers or what? Move over Dionne Warwick: there’s a new psychic friend in town…and she’s got a sister! It’s here that Sinceer clues in Flav to something Bunz’ said on the losers’ bench: she called this show a game. How dare she! This is no game! It’s reality TV! There are no winners, only complainers! There are no prizes, only Flav!

Flav confronts Bunz.

Bunz explains, “Sinceer heard I said this was just a game, but what I said was, this challenge was just a game and I’m not about to sit here and cry about losing.” It’s plausible, but so are inside voices, you know? I’m just saying that some things we take for granted in real life don’t exist within the Flavor of Love universe.

Then, one last move before elimination:

Flav gives Myammee a clock before the ceremony even begins. It’s a first! Immunity! He also gives her the chance to come clean…

Myammee tells a story that begins, “I was in college. I was a pretty girl wanting to do pretty things.” Ooh! Let me get the next step: she got into flower-arrangement. I’m close, but wrong: she put some pictures of herself online. See, that was my second guess. Anyway, Myammee yammers for a little, but ultimately says very little and doesn’t get to the bottom of that call that has the house pulling out its tracks one-by-one in suspense. So Flav takes her clock back. Heh.

Whatever.

Elimination comes but before he can give the girls their clocks, Flav calls up Bunz.

Clearly, she has some stuff to take care of and as a father, Flav thinks that she should go handle her kids so that they don’t, you know, lose electricity and stuff. Flav is too sensitive to allow her to stay here: “Any other man, Bunz, wouldn’t give a flyin’ f***. But I give a flyin’ Flav.” And that’s how you know he cares. Bunz is dismissed.

She seems not at all broken up. Perhaps she, too, doesn’t give a flyin’ Flav.

Elimination proceeds. It comes down to Shy and Myammee. Myammee for being such a mysteree, must leave.

Flav’s not taking chances by keeping her and her possibly shady baggage in the house. How sad for the horny teenage boys who are watching.

So Shy stays…

…with a caveat! Flav explains to her: “I don’t know what’s goin’ on in your mouth. You must have a bad tooth or somethin’. Your breaf…seriously. I want you to correct that ’cause I want to connect with you, man!” From now on, whenever anyone gets all funky-mouthed with me, all I’m gonna say is, “Your breaf…seriously.”

Big Rick is in stitches…

…while the other girls are amazed that Flav went there…

Hey Shy, see how the twins are covering their mouths? Learn from them.

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