For those who have called this show a circus…

…uh, well, I guess it turns out that you were right.

How’s this for a blast from the past?

Saaphyri and Buckwild are here, and they’re going to help the girls out with today’s challenge: a calendar shoot. Not everyone is happy to see them, however. Hotlanta notes, “I can honestly see why Flav let them go. They’re not cute at all!” I just want to add that while Hotlanta’s saying that, she makes this face:

Just. Sayin’.

Preparations for the shoot begin…

Are these girls suddenly hard of hearing from all the screaming their eardrums have endured? Did they mistake “calendar shoot” for “Rock of Love skit?”

Seriously, all Prancer needs is a hula hoop and a copy of the Preamble and she’s ready to win over a room full of seniors.

Shy is experienced in the art and field of modeling, if we’re to believe her story: “I know something about modeling. I’ve done hair shows. I’ve watched Tyra Banks shows…” Note that, per the blurred area below, however, she is smiling with much more than her eyes:

Most awesomely is this:

That’s the top of Hotlanta. And this is the bottom:

The only way that every fiber of her whole existence could be more coordinated is if she were doing that standing on the passenger-side bucket seat of a Mustang convertible.

The girls must plan out who’s going to pose for what month, which unsurprisingly leads to a shouting match. Flav looks on and notes that, “There’s nothing like a good catfight that brings the house together!” Nothing, that is, except for a visit from Sheryl Lee Ralph!

The shoot begins. Here’s a gallery of some of the outcome, for your perusing pleasure:

It took a lot of work to get that picnic shot, btw. Shy wields a hotdog like it’s…

…uh, well, a hotdog. She is similarly generous to the bun:

Prancer, convinced that she’s the cutest, attempts to infiltrate every photo shoot. This does not jibe with what was planned earlier, as Shy points out. “Look at the vision!” she pleads. How meta. Prancer comes back with, “Look at your stretch marks.” How wonderful. Again, the ensuing fight is barely surprising.

“I just got stretch marks! And? And? And, Prancer? OK!” You know, it must be really liberating to exist entirely without shame. It’s a wonder it took Shy this long to find herself to reality TV.

Then Seezinz and Hotlanta do a shoot that Prancer infiltrates and re-envisions.

Oh, everyone, probably.

After a sexily colonial October…

…it’s time to shoot February. Prancer and Seezinz take over again, leading to a screaming match.

Everyone wants to do February, which is all kinds of sexy, thanks to Valentine’s Day. Shy comes up with a solution: they’ll all shoot it and choose the sexiest shot later. When Shy is the voice of reason, you know you’re in trouble.

The shoots begin. Seezinz holds something in her mouth that’s probably chocolate…

…but who can say for sure in this house? They’re going for sexy, but all I see is 2 Flavorettes 1 Fireplace.

When they’re done, Thing 1 yells after them, “Connivers!” Surely at this point, that goes without saying.

The twins shoot their February shot…

OK, so the first was scatological and this one’s incestuous. Let me guess: the next one will involve a reindeer.

Nope. Just some good old fashioned spanking. You’ll have to smack harder than that if you want to break some taboos, girls!

Shy and Sinceer are awfully comfortable with each during their shoot, which is, uh, kinda nice…I guess?

Then, it’s time for March, which goes in like a lion and out…like it’s been mauled by a lion. Even more bickering ensues when Prancer prances downstairs in green. The best thing about this is that it leads Seezinz to angrily gesture with a shamrock.

I would not mess with her! I’ve seen Leprechaun and Leprechaun in the Hood. I know how gully someone wielding a shamrock can get. This fight leads one of the twins to refer to Seezinz as “beard-ass.” There’s some hairy imagery there, for ya. At the very least, it would make wiping a huge hassle.

Prancer, by the way, gets the shot.

The shoot’s over and it’s time for to review the pictures. Here are the results of February:

The first two aren’t sexy enough, but the third is just right. Buckwild hilariously says, “I like the teddy bear!” Because they pulled this off, Seezinz and Prancer win the challenge. This, of course, frustrates Sinceer to no end. She bickers with Seezinz about, oh, nothing in particular, which leads Seezinz to point out the throbbing vein on Sinceer’s forehead, which, in turn, leads the production crew to slap an animated one on her.

Ah, that forehead is practically an open canvas, isn’t it?

And then: a few minute details. Hotlanta talks about the trials and tribs that come from raising kids.

“My best customers, they would come into see me, never saw me naked. But I had to do what I had to do to provide. You know, when you got kids looking at you sayin’, you know what, ‘Mama, I’m hungry,’ and you’ve gone a week without eatin’ because everything you’ve had in your house you’ve gaven to your children. Know what I’m sayin’? You’ll do things.” The best thing about this? “Gaven.”

Then, Thing 1 overhears Hotlanta on the phone, talking to someone about something that may or may not involve getting money from her babbydaddy. Thing 1 rushes upstairs to share her findings with the rest of her crew.

Slow news day, eh?

Then, it’s time for Prancer and Seezinz to share their date with Flav. They are given spandex leotards to change into…

The twins look on, looking more than ever like those two old Muppets who bitched about things on stage from the balcony.

In the limo, Seezinz becomes awfully forward with Flav, much to Prancer’s chagrin.

Her disgust is palpable. This is, at least, a nice change from Flav’s palpable disgust.

Today’s date will involve hanging and swinging around.

Does the kink ever cease?

This mostly devolves into a Flav-on-Seezinz petting session.

But, as Prancer soon finds out, who needs boys when you’ve got something to hang upside down from and swing with?

Wheeee!

Meanwhile, Shy is getting her hot breaf checked out at the dentist.

She tells him, “I’m lookin’ for this Hollywood smile look.” Perhaps she should first seek out a toothbrush and see how that works out? Anyway, to get her mouth working properly, she will need extractions, root canals, fillings and a deep cleaning. Ruh-roh!

That’s a lot of money, so Shy chooses a cheaper alternative:

A “mint chain.” Somehow, Shy thinks that this is a sign of her devotion to Flav. “I never made a mint chain for nobody!” Well, taking a few rolls of Lifesavers and threading them on a string is, after all, a huge step.

Then, Thing 1 says she’s going to “insight” or perhaps “incite” (I think it’s the latter, but the former is definitely the goal) Flav with whatever she sort of heard Hotlanta talking about earlier. Based on what would be a parasite on a nugget of information on its best day, Flav decides to confront Hotlanta.

Flav wonders if Hotlanta is using him as a meal ticket. Uh, has he even given her money so far? What, is she shipping home craft service leftovers? Underscoring ridiculousness is a final query from Flav: “If I eliminated you would you still love me?” His ego is pretty insane this time around, isn’t it? Anyway, Hotlanta just looks at him in response, which is probably the wisest thing she’s done in her entire run on this show.

Prior to elimination, Seezinz and Hotlanta talk, although what’s said is dwarfed by the fact that Hotlanta has a hanger around her knees for no good reason.

It does underline her desperation quite bizarrely, though.

Tonight’s elimination is an all-pajama affair.

I love how people just, like, do stuff on this show. Not for any reason, just to do it. It’s almost Zen-like in its simplicity.

The long and short of this is that the mint chain was not enough and Shy is going home tonight.

This, I think we can all agree is a devastating blow to both the humor and odor levels of the house.

But then, a twist!

Buckwild’s all, “Hold up! Wait a minute!” And just like that, she and Saaphyri bring in four new girls!

New girls to compete with…

…to live with…

…to laugh at…

…to hate on.

New girls to cherish, whether ironically or not. Can you feel the love tonight?

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Tags: Flavor of Love 3 Celebreality, Television