Rock of Love 2 Recap - Episode 11 - Tattoo You, Too

Oh, we back on that again?

When we first meet the girls, they’re on a post-Vegas comedown.

They note how different the house is now, versus when there were 20 girls. What about when there were five (and some change in the form of Heather)? You know, right before they left for Vegas? What about then? Huh? Huh? Huh?

Whatever. Big John comes in with some cleaning products and a Bret Mail that tells of today’s adventure bringing a familiar face.

A familiar face that’s also a potential germaphobe? Are we about to get the chance to fall in love with Kristy Joe all over again?

Cleaning commences.

I honestly don’t know how Daisy resisted the temptation to put ‘em on the glass, but somehow she did. What a superhero.

She also sprays some air freshener.

I don’t even really want to know, you know?

The first familiar face shows up and it’s…

…hmmm. I’m not sure. He definitely looks familiar. Did he play a dad on a sitcom in the ’80s? Mr. Belvedere, perhaps? Wait, don’t tell me.

Kidding! It’s Ambre’s dad.

As Ambre and her dad embrace, we hear her say that it’s so good to have him, the rock in her life, there. Then, the rock in her life meets the potential rock of love in her life. That’s a lotta rock. This is cataclysmic, like tectonic plates meeting.

Bret waits patiently as Ambre and her dad hug it out.

As you can see Bret is debandannaed. This happens but once a season. Enjoy it. These are special times.

Next in are Destiney’s parents.

Bret describes them for us: “Destiney’s parents seem very hippie-ish. Biker hippie-ish. It’s kinda cool. Her dad’s got a very awesome tattoo circling his entire head. This is gonna be good.” Well, he isn’t lacking in logic, that’s for sure.

As the families are arriving, we see Daisy squirming.

The last time she saw her dad was when she was 17, and the last time she saw her mom was at 20. Who could they have dredged up to represent her family? Soon enough, we have our answer:

This woman immediately begins cooing and fussing over Daisy, so it seems like the producers have indeed found her mother and that things are about to get extremely emotional. But no, this woman is actually Charles’ sister Stephanie. That doesn’t subtract anything from her very palpable affection for Daisy, but it also doesn’t exactly please Bret.

More Charles? Good grief! The potential for disaster gets Bret going about the last time he met everyone’s parents. Remember Otis?

We get a flashback to Lacey’s stickler of a dad asking Bret if he had hair under his cowboy hat. Perhaps an attempt to avoid a similar incident is why Bret didn’t bother with the bandanna today. Take that, Otis!

Bret is super-hospitable to the parents. He asks Destiney’s dad, Tommy, what he wants to drink and when it isn’t alcohol, Bret wonders if this is due to diabetes. Diabeetus discourse, how I’ve missed you. However, it is not meant to be: Tommy actually has liver cancer and has been given fewer than six months to live.

Wow. That’s really heavy, and it hits Bret particularly hard. He’s actually, like, a doll about the whole thing. He sits down with Tommy and they talk Harleys. It turns out that when it was time for Tommy to settle down and raise a family, he had to give up his bike. Generosity involving a Harley is worthy of patron sainthood in the Rock of Love house for real.

Bret also spends some time talking to Ambre’s dad at a barbecue-mixer. Ambre’s dad runs down his list of children and their ages:

When he gets to Ambre, he says she’s 37. Record scratch! What was that?

Bret is aghast, for, as we see in a flashback to Bret and Ambre’s meeting with that mountain-licking guru guy, Ambre clearly stated she was 32.

Instead of making a scene, Bret takes Ambre’s dad’s words as something to believe in, and moves on.

As the families eat, Destiney ensures that things are racy.

“I like breasts!” she gushes, to Bret’s approval. Oh, Destiney, you and your chicken-bisexual entendres. Such a wild child! Ambre’s dad, whom Ambre has already informed us is conservative, is predictably embarrassed.

It’s too bad Angelique’s not around anymore. I’ve always wanted to see what a dude would look like if his eyes literally popped out of his head.

After dinner, more wild-childing. Bret puts on a video of a recent Poison show…

And Destiney freaks out.

She sounds angry, but that’s just the rock talking. Destiney flails around the room, providing at least as much of a display as the projection that’s inspired her.

She is, to put it lightly, dangerous on the dance floor.

Seriously, that whip could leave welts.

Ambre points out that for all of Destiney’s effort, it’s doing very little to attract Bret who’s, in fact, holding her hand. He doesn’t really pay any mind to Destiney, but that could be because he’s singing along, like, hard to the video.

I think we just found Poison’s biggest fan!

After the video’s done, Bret says he’s going to take Daisy and Stephanie out to dinner at Rainbow. Before they go, however, Destiney seizes the opportunity to make out with Bret in front of everyone.

Returning to the bar, Destiney reports…

“F*** yeah, that felt good! Oh yeah!” It would seem that she’s telling this to Ambre’s dad, who, being conservative and all, most likely has little to offer in empathy of Destiney’s I-just-tongued-down-a-hot-dude glow.

As they dine, Bret brings up Charles again.

Well, I guess with his sister there, he has a valid excuse. I’m sure he’s celebrating a little inside. In attempt to put a cap on this frequent topic of discussion, Daisy explains that…

“You know, my life is not black and white. My life is color.” Bret’s response is classic: “Thank you for the education there, Kodachrome, but what the hell are you talking about?” Oh, Daisy. You can paint with all the colors of the wind, but no one’s going to confuse you with Pocahontas anytime soon. Put that in your peace pipe and smoke it.

Stephanie attempts to further explain the complicated situation between Daisy and Charles, and tells Bret that he’s seeing things as a guy. “Well, I don’t know how else to see ‘em!” Far be it from eyeliner to cloud his vision.

Back at home, Bret prepares for his next date with Destiney and her parents. He comes out riding a motorcycle:

Apparently, you can do that on television.

Since Tommy’s so into bikes, Bret has arranged for them to spend their date on bikes, which is really nice.

And where do they drive their Harleys? Why, to a tattoo shop, of course!

Destiney has decided that she’ll play Heather this season and get a memento of her Rock of Love experience inked permanently on the back of her neck.

She elaborates: “I decided that I wanted to get the Rock of Love logo on the back of my neck to represent this experience, because it’s a time that I’m never gonna forget.” So she’s getting a tattoo in a place that she won’t be able to see to represent an experience that she won’t be able to forget. Makes sense to me!

Bret, by the way, is extremely perturbed that she’s only getting the logo tattooed and not the name of the show, as well.

It’s perhaps his last ditch effort to get his name on Destiney, as well. Because you know if she went with the title, he’d demand she put the full title, “…with Bret Michaels,” and all. Aw, poor non-immortalized-in-ink-this-season Bret!

Destiney gets her tat.

It turns her on, which in turn, turns Bret on. To everything, turn, turn, turn, there is a tattoo, turn, turn, turn.

Destiney gets home and shows off her new ink. Ambre’s response? “Holy hell!” Well, it would seem that Destiney isn’t the only girl taking notes from Heather.

Finally, it’s time for Bret’s date with Ambre and her dad, which pretty hilariously takes place at a sushi restaurant. It’s hilarious not only because Ambre’s dad is all-thumbs with chopsticks…

…but because ever since his backyard revelation, there’s been something fishy in the air. Bret comes right out and confronts Ambre with the age disparity. She said she was 32 (or 31, even), her dad said she’s 37. Which is it? Bret cites himself as having set the standard of age-openness in the house…

“I openly said to everybody, I said, ‘I want everyone here to understand I am 44-years-old.’ I don’t want anyone here to think I’m 29 and playing a game. I’m 44 and I have two daughters.” Uh, was there really a concern that people would take him for being 29? Among reasons that make that unlikely is the fact that that would have made him 10 when “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” was at No. 1.

At first seems hurt at the allegation…

…and then thoughtful…

…and finally: explanatory. “I have a career. In this career, I have to stay younger than I am. I did tell the other girls that because I do have to protect that. But when it comes to you, I have absolutely nothing to hide and that’s the reason why my father’s here. If I had said that, I apologize.” O…K? If nothing else, please let this be a lesson on lying about your age. See, hotness is completely relative: at 32, Ambre’s fine. At 37, she’s damn fine! In my opinion, her stock totally went up when her real age came out. Perhaps that’s why Bret seems to drop it as soon as she apologizes.

Back at home, it’s time to send the parents away. Bret’s like, “Get out!”

Kidding! But only kind of. Not that Ambre’s dad really would have expected more. On his way out, he interviews that, “I think any father thinks their daughter deserves better than Bret, but he’s a good guy.” Heh.

Bret gives a really heartfelt goodbye to Tommy:

And Tommy, in his exit interview, reveals that he would gladly welcome Bret into his family. So take that, Ambre’s dad!

With the families gone, it’s time for elimination. But first: one last discussion between the girls.

Ambre says she’s convinced that she’s going home, so she’s going put everything on the table: per an earlier conversation in which Destiney was pretty much like, “Whatever,” about ending up with Bret, Ambre isn’t so sure that Destiney’s in love with him. Destiney admits that she isn’t. Daisy says she is and that it’ll suck if someone else takes her spot. “Would you still be here if it was, like, Jon Bon Jovi? Would you be here if it was John Stamos?” is how Daisy further tests Destiney. Destiney cannot be sure. And seriously, who could possibly resist Uncle Jesse of Love? And that’s saying nothing of Slippery When Wet…of Love.

You know what all this means, right?

Daisy and Ambre practically scramble to tell Bret this news at elimination. Bret is not amused.

Destiney defends herself by saying, “I auditioned for the first season! I wanted to be here so bad that I couldn’t even barely watch it because it tore me up inside because I wasn’t a part of it!” And yet, she persevered. The show really is that addictive.

Obviously, Destiney’s going home.

But at least we get a nice shot of her tattoo before she leaves.

Outside, Destiney seems pretty OK with this turnout.

It’s a good thing that she wasn’t more into him!

Bret comes back wiping tears away from not one eye…

…but both!

He qualifies his tear spillage with: “I wanna go on the record officially of saying: I’m not a crier.” Uh, OK, big boy. Didn’t you say something very similar to that when you cried two weeks ago?

No matter: in happier news, Bret announces to the girls that they’ll be going to a “huge trip” to Cancun. Yay! Vacation! Celebration! Time for a breast adjustment!

We do it all here.

A special note: Destiney’s dad passed away about two weeks ago and so, like the episode…

…this recap is dedicated to his memory. Destiney told us that her dad getting to experience being on the show before he died made her so happy. After watching the episode, I’m not sure how anyone could disagree.

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