I Know My Kid’s a Star Recap - Episode 4 - Rocky Crumbles
…and just when she was getting really interesting!
Seriously! You can’t leave us now, Rocky! Not before you tell us what you were going to do with the hanger!
As usual, we begin immediately where we left off last time.
It’s after elimination and Gigi isn’t pleased with Alai’s output. “Look, Alai, it’s not good enough to just make it. I want to win the competition,” scolds Gigi. Maybe Gigi should start practicing her krumping if she wants to win that badly? Liquefy those bones, girl!
Helene talks to Cheyenne about her favorite subject: being the least favorite team in the house.
“They were complete and utter b’s up there,” she tells her daughter. I wish that they were actual bees. I want to see a hive being pushed to its limit in the cutthroat world of insect showbiz. Alternately, this reminds me how awesome it would be if more people wore bonnets on this show. Anyhoo, the others may be been b’s, but it’s Helene who has the sting:
“F*** with me, then…it’s on. It’s on!” She is about as menacing as Snap, which is to say: peace. Stay off her back. Or Helene will attack. And you don’t want that (even though I’m sure everyone watching at home does, in fact, want that very, very much).
Danny corrals the teams for their first challenge of the episode. It will involve head shots. Danny tells us that in Hollywood, your head shot is your calling card. And then we see his:
This is one of those, “For a good time” calling cards, right?
The parents will take pictures with a digital camera in hopes of capturing a shot that will sell their kid. They have two hours to do this with only three cameras between them. The camera shortage does not provide nearly the drama that you’d expect, although Helene does get under Lisia’s skin with her incessant badgering. I suppose Helene assumes that people’s opinion of her can’t get much lower, so she might as well exploit the hatred. Smart!
Rocky tells Hayley Lourdes to put on more comfortable jeans and Hayley responds, “I don’t care if I’m uncomfortable! I just want to be rich and famous!” To which, Rocky, of course, laughs.
Hayley is sooooo Facebook generation, and she doesn’t even know it yet. To wit, she intensifies her frustration: “I don’t care if I die, I just want to be rich and famous!” Ironically or perhaps, not at all, death is a sure source of wealth and fame. The kid’s onto something!
Meanwhile, Sandy preps Gian by dressing him in a wife-beater and comparing him to James Dean. You know, “that bad-boy look.”
Pretty boy, bad boy — we’re learning more and more about what Gian looks like every week. Thanks, Sandy, for giving our eyes a rest.
Shannon tells McKenzie that she’s going to have to tone things down, per Danny and Marki’s advice. In response, McKenzie suggests that Shannon take her head shot like this:
I love that this is toning it down for McKenzie! Her sense of camp would put Liza Minnelli to shame. McKenzie is going to make one awesome old lady one day. Never let go of that fire, ‘Kenz!
Oh, also this is cute:
How many times do you think they’ve gone over that?
Finally, Gigi advises Alai during the shoot by wordlessly cackling.
And she wonders why Alai is having a rough time? Buy a vowel, Alai!
When the shoot is over, Marki judges each picture with her typical pummeling honesty. The following assessments are paraphrases of her opinion, not mine (mine are in parentheses because I know my place):
This is too safe.
This doesn’t do Mary Jo’s beauty justice.
Green’s good on a redhead, but Hayley Red is the perpetual best friend. (Well, excuhuuuze her for being friendly!)
This is not campy, which is a good thing. (…says Marki. I like McKenzie just fine in her natural, sassy state, thank you very much.)
“It’s too ‘Rico Suave.’ Is he a gigolo?” Marki asserts and wonders. Does he eat ‘em raw like sushi? How’s his Spanglish, anyway? I don’t know, Marki’s interpretation kinda makes this shot amazing.
This tells a story. (Although I doubt it’s nearly as interesting as that of Gerardo reincarnated as an Italian 12-year-old dancer.)
This is pitch-perfect, and makes Hayley Lourdes look “tough as nails.” No mere Lee Press-On is she.
After Marki evaluates the shots, the kids are brought in. Gian wonders how they did.
Sandy’s honesty is paradoxically encouraging. Maybe not to Gian, but to all of us who believe that honesty is dead.
Anyway, it should surprise no one that Rocky wins this one and her response is predictably erratic.
Their prize is not immunity, unfortunately enough, but extra time spent with the choreographer of today’s second challenge: an audition for a sneaker commercial. Rehearsals commence…
…and bickering between Gian and his mom continues:
There is something refreshing about their openness…
…but there’s also something extremely Grey Gardens about it.
Gigi thinks that Alai has an advantage, for she’s advising her daughter with so much experience under her belt:
“I’ve done everything from Broadway to TV to traveling to teaching the princess of Brunei dance.” Coming this fall from VH1: I Know My Princess of Brunei is a Star. CAN’T. WAIT.
Auditions begin. Cheyenne is, duh, awesome.
You think that she’s holding herself up, but she’s actually holding the floor down. Yeah, she’s that amazing.
Mary Jo forgets the routine.
McKenzie is good, and assisted by her mom, who, all of a sudden looks straight out of Living Dolls.
You can take the mom out of the pageants, but do NOT tell her how to raise her child.
Alai does the worm:
But apparently, this is not enough to impress the judges. Uh, really? If she spun herself into a cocoon, then would they be impressed? How about complete butterfly metamorphosis? Huh? Huh?
Despite Alai’s obvious effort, Gigi comes down on her:
Gee, I can’t imagine why she’d be acting like she’s scared.
Hayley Lourdes gets lost:
But on the plus side, she can do a mean robot!
Hayley Red looks angry.
Gian kicks ass…
…and, perhaps, kicks his own, with this landing:
We can’t see his face, so Danny recreates it for us:
Anyway, for his effort, sneaker-selling ability and possible sterility, Gian wins! Go Gian, holding it down for the dudes!
At home, Rocky mourns Hayley’s ultimate loss:
She complains about the prize Hayley won for the head-shot challenge: “It gave me 20 more minutes with Mr. Step Class, which, by the way, I wasn’t impressed.” Aw, for real? But she seems so generally laid-back and easy to impress!
Rocky then explains that Hayley isn’t so much a dancer, as opposed to, you know, her. “I can friggin’ dance!” says Rocky.
And then, in what could be preparation for later, she incoherently rants, “Me. A-meeeee!”
This woman is a treasure chest of pathos.
She mocks Alai…
…and she, Helene, Hayley Lourdes and maybe Cheyenne, discuss Gigi, when, who should come knocking but…
…Gigi! Well, speak of the devil…devilishly! Gigi wonders if Pam is anywhere and she, like, checks the closet for her. Uh, O…K. As soon as she’s two steps away, Hayley Lourdes mocks her: “Guess who I am: ‘Paaaam!’” Ah, they grow up so fast, don’t they?
And then, for no apparent reason at all, we get this:
She’s wearing a T-shirt that her flailing reveals to read…
…”My Boyfriend Is Out of Town,” which: AWESOME.
Anyway, she rants and cries and screams and hits things and it’s the sort of thing that recapping can’t really do justice. Not that I won’t try! (Alternately, you really should watch the extended cut of this meltdown.)
She moves!
She bangs!
She says, “I wanna friggin’ plug in my P.A. system for these whores…and their brats!”
She is a woman, phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, that’s Rocky.
Helene and Rocky again discuss their untouchable social status in the house, which is such a point of pride for both of them, they may has well given birth to it. And then they’d be all, “Dance, lowered status! Dance! You’re a star!” Anyway, while talking about their perhaps unlikely alliance, Helene says the inevitable…
“I’m not here to make friends.” Ah, thanks, Helene. That felt good.
Rocky and Gigi spar over some food that’s in a common area and the whole thing is best summed up by Rocky’s yapping. She does it to imitate Gigi, but it’s not at all shocking how good she is at it.
At the parents-only meeting, Shannon gets kudos for prompting McKenzie to smile. The woman knows what she’s doing! Lisia, who kind of talked back to Marki after the sneaker challenge, talks back again to little effect. Then elimination comes and I’m just going to make this short because it’s too upsetting. It comes down to Rocky/Hayley Lourdes and Pam/Mary Jo. Although Rocky rocked the photo challenge, and Hayley’s a big ball of it, she’s not performing as well as she should. So they get sent home. Much to Rocky’s credit, she’s really, really sweet to Hayley and completely positive to her daughter, calling her a “star” on her way out.
In the car, Rocky continues this thread of gentleness and notes that this is a big mistake. She’s way more put together than anyone could have predicted.
Meanwhile, Cheyenne mourns.
I know the feeling.
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Tags: I Know My Kids A Star Celebreality, Television
May 2nd, 2008 at 10:37 pm
Rocky,
oh by the way for anyone who says you are not attractive and that u are crazy they are jealous. I get that crap all the time also. insecure people just don’t get us. take care girl.
May 2nd, 2008 at 10:27 pm
Rocky,
i hope you still read the blogs. Haley really was the most beautiful and talented (natural talent) on the show. I hope you are both doing well. what has happened on the show since you left is crazy. I’m almost glad u didn’t continue, because haley does not need a show like this to make it. she will make it in show biz regardless. i’m sure you know that. i hope haley knows it too. i would like to check out your my space page if you could give me the address. I hope you and your little star are well and i really mean that . take care from one very opionated mom to another. berta
April 29th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
Okay how obvious is it that nrsnan is Cameran’s fat slob “It’s Pat’ Marci from the peanuts __~@ eyed mother, Sheri. Who on any of these boards ever mentions or even remembers Cameron–and puts Hayley down.. Your so obvious, by the way school plays and local theatre are not credits–your laughable, Hayley’s done five commercials and two pilots and was on the front cover of the LA times Sunday–So…BAM!! You twinkie, ring-ding overloading fat slob!!! Hee hee. Give it up you loser, they love us!!!!!!! Besides they don’t give you a typewriter in jail. Which is where your gonna wind up.
Love Rocky
April 27th, 2008 at 3:01 am
i love rocky. she may need to lock it up…but i love her. and hayley in my opinion is the only kid on this ridiculous program that had anything special going on. i happened to see glimpses of the premiere on a beach trip and became an avid watcher immediately just because of rocky. i mean good lord. shes really something else. i dont even like all this reality mumbo jumbo and rocky got me hooked. and then i fell in love with hayley. she may have been slower than the rest but it doesn’t matter how smart and skilled you are if you just don’t have that quality that makes people want to watch you.
i have not watched the show since hayley got off and will not ever again. i have no interest in who wins…clearly none of those children left will be stars. shoooooooot. these producers really screwed this one up. but i mean its danny bonnaducci…and screwing up is all he really knows…so could we really expect more?
rocky may be outlandish but she showed more love for her kid than any other parent on there. hayley’s comment of “but don’t get me wrong, i still love you” when discussing how she wanted her mom to take it down a notch with the way she was trying to help her was the cutest thing i’ve ever seen in my life. they OBVIOUSLY have a good relationship. and the rest of the mom’s left are clearly delusional and heartless…and should not have been allowed to bear children. all of the parents that got kicked off up to rocky were great and loving. all these moms left will only provoke a britney spears-esque situation that danny says he’s trying to avoid by judging the parents. what a fool. this show does give me more respect for britney though…cause if her mom was anything like these hooligans how could you expect her to turn out normal? poor poor girl.
i’m really truly pissed and i very sincerely hope i get to see hayley again. i will never support anything the winner of this show does either. how lame.
April 21st, 2008 at 8:26 am
I really diskike Cheyenne’s mother as much or more than I dislike Gigi. She’s very smug and mean spirited. Cheyenne’s OK.
April 18th, 2008 at 6:01 pm
Alai’s haircut was awful last episode. Also, Mary Jo should win. she’s pretty, good actor, and has the attitude.
April 18th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
again, puleeeeeeze Rocky….get over yourself! Hayley didn’t make it because she didn’t have it…your a tornado of destruction. Think of what you are teaching your daughter…..she learns by example….do you want her to grow up to be labeled as easy or a tramp? and no this isn’t your nemesis…go ahead and check my IP address…..as far as Cameron is concerned…after the fact, it seems like he isn’t doing so badly…..as they say, the proof is in the pudding…..where is Haleys resume? where is she working? She is a very beautiful little girl and has potential, but unfortunately she will never achieve it with you steering her possible career unless it is to pose in some trash magazine. As to the other kids on the show, Cheyenne has tons of talent, Mary Jo doesn’t, she thinks her “cuteness” is all that is necessary, wrongo bongo, MacKenzie…cute gal, possible with the right coach, Gian, wants it badly to keep going until he succeeds, but again, wrong coach to lead him…..alai and Gigi…another disaster waiting to happen…no talent child with an overbearing mother. It’s truly amazing to me…here is a shot to showcase your child and their potential and all the time off moments, the mothers stole the limelight…..instead of creating off time moments that had their child shine..
April 18th, 2008 at 3:25 am
Fo Shizzle….The IP Address tells all whos uses and says all folks so any false slandering can be put to charges….ROCKY RULES>>>>>>PLAY THE ROCKY THEME MUSIC>>>>>>>>>>>>Motivation time…..My favorite part of the show was ROCKY, HALEY, CHEYENNE and her mom but where is 1/2 of this show…..the Producers may have been good but god damn they should of kept Rocky and Haley on for at least 3 shows more…..NOT LIKE IT WONT COME DOWN TO CHEYNNE and ??? anyways so why not keep the best part of the show on for a little longer…….VH1 is stupid and so is anybody dissing Rocky and Haley…..Rocky was over reACTing on purpose on the show because she has charisma and Haley was the most adorable girl and I wanted to see her in different roles in future shows BUT…oh yeah, Danny Bonadouchebag cut them like an idiot….CUT the DAMN Blond Girl and the Black Women….you know they wont go nowhere but ROcky and Haley were better then them by far…VH1 SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! F$#@% YOU VH1 and Danny BonadoucheBAG!!!!
April 17th, 2008 at 5:41 pm
has no one realized that gigi is the real trouble maker in the house, not only that but it’s cruel the way that she speaks to her daughter. what a B#$@CH!!! i hope for the sake of her daughter that “she” losses this competition for both of them
April 17th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
I’m sorry, did I miss something? I’m frightened to think that ANYONE could think that Rocky acted “admirably” on the show ~ she made fun of CHILDREN and parents, she was repulsive and vulgar, she didn’t help Hayley prepare very well and she went off on the other mothers who were just trying to get ready for the day by putting on makeup. I think that Rocky loves Hayley and that is great. Even Rocky would admit that her behavior is over the top. That is “real” and who she is ~ but it is NOT normal and it isn’t admirable. Get real.
April 17th, 2008 at 12:40 am
I can’t believe Haley & Rocky were eliminated. Haley’s photo was chosen as the best. So she was @ least 1 out of 2 unlike the others. Rocky was able to hear constructive criticism and apply it. Rocky you are a loving Mother doing a wonderful job raising Hayley. Hayley someday you will be a star. Best to both of you.
April 16th, 2008 at 10:04 pm
I just wanted to say that I hope you continue on your path with Hayley. She is perfect for this business and so are you. One must have a little “moxy” to withstand the b.s. that goes on all around in Hollywood. The other mothers are sooo desperate and it is so clear that they want it more than their child does. IN the end, be proud that you can look back and know that you behaved admirably on national t.v. Your daughter will be proud that you stood up for her, but did not stand on top of her. You are a fun, colorful, beautiful lady and NO ONE can take that away…Shari needs to get the heck over it, as she just continues to make an idiot of herself and ultimately embarass her son…
April 16th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
looks like it is all about the money 4 the parents
April 15th, 2008 at 9:19 pm
I can’t believe Hayley was sent home! She was so cute and although she was unprepared and forgot things at times, she definitely had the look for Hollywood, which I must say, these other girls really do not except Alai and McKenzie.Gigi is absolutely crazy and I cannot stand her outbursts and ignorance, and I think Hayley was only sent home personally because of Rocky. For example, when Rocky was trying to direct Hayley in the cartoon, Hayley did horribly, however when her mother left, she did great!
April 15th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
Okay Rocky and Haley are off the show now, so let’s try to focus on the talent of the kids for a little while. All these postings that say Haley was the most talented baffle me. Haley is very cute, and does has a certain style/look, but is it her own, or is it Rocky recreated as a child? I am sure we all heard Rocky say about 3,000 words an episode, but how much did we really get to hear from Haley? Haley will find her voice, but not on this show, and not yet.
I am actually looking forward to the next showing. No doubt that there will still be plenty of mama drama, but maybe, just maybe, there will also be some chances for the kids to come through.
These kids are show enough, and we might get to see more of that now. I think that some of these kids and their moms are real teams, with real goals, and real talents to showcase.
Good luck for April 17th show!
April 15th, 2008 at 5:41 pm
I think Cheyenne is going to win and that the rico swavia kid is terrible