Katie Holmes is allegedly sick of her couch-jumping hubby, and is trying to take their toddle Suri and escape to the Big Apple. A source (clearly the Sur-meister) reveals that Tom’s claws are firmly in Katie’s skin, and he’s not letting her go anytime soon. “She desperately needs to be on her own for a while, but there’s no way Tom is going to let her take Suri away,” spills the spy. “There’s no way he’ll allow it. He just doesn’t want Katie — or Suri — out of his sight for long. He told her that if she goes to New York, fine, but he goes with her.”
So what is a trapped wife to do to escape the wrath of her obsessed husband?
1. Train with Top Model’s Benny Ninja on how to dance one’s way through Tom’s elaborate laser security system.
2. Dig a tunnel from Chez Cruise to Victoria Beckham‘s palace. Grab prepared lunch of soy beans from Posh and escape through her backyard.
3. Hideout with parents in Ohio for a few weeks. Tom will never think to look for his wife there – even with his giant Scientology-provided space satellite.
4. Arrive in New York via moped with Suri in a sidecar. Buy out the entire Plaza Hotel with all that Dawson’s Creek money and re-start career on Broadway! Guest star on Gossip Girl as an evil alum back to recruit new blood. Wear sweat pants. The new Katie is born (again!). [Star]