Katie Holmes Plans Escape from Tommy

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Katie Holmes is allegedly sick of her couch-jumping hubby, and is trying to take their toddle Suri and escape to the Big Apple. A source (clearly the Sur-meister) reveals that Tom’s claws are firmly in Katie’s skin, and he’s not letting her go anytime soon. “She desperately needs to be on her own for a while, but there’s no way Tom is going to let her take Suri away,” spills the spy. “There’s no way he’ll allow it. He just doesn’t want Katie — or Suri — out of his sight for long. He told her that if she goes to New York, fine, but he goes with her.”

So what is a trapped wife to do to escape the wrath of her obsessed husband?

1. Train with Top Model’s Benny Ninja on how to dance one’s way through Tom’s elaborate laser security system.

2. Dig a tunnel from Chez Cruise to Victoria Beckham‘s palace. Grab prepared lunch of soy beans from Posh and escape through her backyard.

3. Hideout with parents in Ohio for a few weeks. Tom will never think to look for his wife there – even with his giant Scientology-provided space satellite.

4. Arrive in New York via moped with Suri in a sidecar. Buy out the entire Plaza Hotel with all that Dawson’s Creek money and re-start career on Broadway! Guest star on Gossip Girl as an evil alum back to recruit new blood. Wear sweat pants. The new Katie is born (again!). [Star]

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  1. crispy says:

    I used to really love this guy, but he has just gotten so bazarre over the years. Katie needs to get the hell out of there while she’s still young.

  2. chowmain says:

    LOL Hilarious, thanks for this!

  3. amare says:

    stand up to him and set him straihgt that you want out of the relation ship
    and your problen will be solved in on time, beside you are a young beautifull attractive and intelligent
    hot chick no matter what, and every guy in this world be dying to be yours and yes me too

  4. Sheila Carroll says:

    I am so glad Bret make the correct choice! I would have been extremely disappointed if he had picked Daisy! Daisy apeared to have so many skeltons in her closet that Bret would most likely still be finding more in two years! I know that no one is perfect but I think Ambre is the one for Bret!
    She will be able to handle the groupies with style and dignity. The hardest thing for everyone is to
    keep your private life private! Ambre knows how to be sexy, dress sexy without looking like a
    hooker in the precess. Most of the clothes Daisy wore on the show would have been perfect for any hooker! Daisy would have brought Bret’s career down and would have constantly put him in the wrong light. You know sooner or later a camera person is going to ask Ambre is the best
    person for Bret!! They will make each other stronger and their love will grow stronger each day
    I will be praying for them!

  5. hereIambaby says:

    she is a style of wonder and beauty. I guess a women can get out of jail and style look fabulous.i signed in the site ~~blackcentury.com~~ and some men were talking about her and said she is attractive.

  6. TomCruisSucks says:

    Katie is too good for Tom Cruise. Tom used to be cool, but he’s turned into a real duche bag!

  7. Michelle Walters says:

    I think Scientology is a cult after doing a year of research, and I feel bad for Katie, they lured her in and in the end now she’s finding out the truth and is trying to be careful and leave and publications ruin her chances by telling the world her plans to leave! Instead of gossiping they need to help her get out and keep Suri!

  8. Chris K. says:

    Katie, Tom is the only connection to fame you will ever see and even he is on the way down.

  9. Change the station says:

    Why was Katie Holmes ever even remotely famous before Tom Cruise? I don’t see it at all.

  10. CYvonne says:

    Katie, call Nicole, she can tell you exactly how to rid yourself of Tom. And if it don’t work…go to Oprah, Tom wouldn’t want his business exposed by the Big O for all to seee AND believe.

  11. Tom Cruise says:

    I am in love with John Travolta.

  12. Rebecca says:

    Call E.T. to take Tom back to his planet.

  13. USpace says:

    Scientology is scary stuff, it looks like adorable Katie has submitted…
    .
    absurd thought -
    God of the Universe
    says be a skinny freak

    you can never be too fat
    or too big an idiot

    .
    stopscientology.blogspot.com/

    :)
    .

  14. Not more rumours concerning Katie Holmes being pregnant! Just because she is dressed in saggy outfits might just suggest that she wants to feel comfortable.