Flavor of Love 3 Recap – Episode 13 – Sacre Blue in the Face

Flav and the girls are in France…

…so it makes sense that the conduct is de rigueur.

Here’s something new:

Sinceer and Seezinz are arguing! It’s so strange to see them out of their element. Anyway, Seezinz is taking Sinceer to task for throwing Thing 2 under the bus. But Sinceer isn’t here for Thing 2! Sinceer ends up getting all up in Seezinz’s face…

…and Seezinz says, “Your breath stink.” “So what!” Sinceer barks back. I guess it’s needless to say that she will not be fashioning a necklace out of Lifesavers to become more socially acceptable.

Flav and his three remaining ladies jet off to Cannes, France.

There, they are met with a man whose lack of English mastery leads to fun with subtitles:

But isn’t it always that way with the French on these shows?

Black is the voice of culture clash:

“I don’t speak French, so we just look at him and say, ‘Bonjour!’ ‘Merci!’ ‘Cause those are the only two words we know.” Oh, I’m sure that was enough to convince everyone that they were native speakers.

The girls settle into their hotel room and then they sit around by the water, discussing the competition.

Black reports that she and Flav are a good match because they’re both deep. How deep is your, “Woooooow!” Black?

Meanwhile, Seezinz makes the mistake of revealing that when she first kissed Flav she didn’t feel fireworks.

How could she when the death knell was drowning everything else out?

The girls meet up with Flav for a four-way date on a 100-foot yacht.

Soon, Flav begins a full-on makeout session with Black. Sinceer interrupts this.

I do believe that this is Sinceer’s greatest contribution to society thus far.

And then, real talk:

Flav wonders aloud if letting Thing 2 go was the right thing to do. Sinceer babbles some more about dependence. If I had to make a diagnosis, it’d be that Sinceer is dependent on talking about dependence.

Flav then tells the girls to get ready for a soirée.

And so they do. Easy enough!

The soirée ends up being totally underwhelming..

Who needs France when you can get the same cultural experience at a VFW in the Midwest?

Flav is pretty hilariously misidentified…

And then, the crew brings a sense of refinement that many of the attendees don’t get to experience in France:

Ain’t that America?

At the dinner that follows, Sinceer calls out Black for the psycho allegations that her ex brought forth in the Neverwed Game. As she does so, she nervously braids her hair.

It’s those cracks in the Sinceer’s hard facade that make studying her worth the time. After some bickering, Seezinz asks Flav for a nightcap and she gets her wish, leaving Black and Sinceer to fend for themselves.

Dinner just got really, really cold.

In Flav’s suite, there is kissing.

And then there is Sinceering.

Flav sends Seezinz to her room so that he and Sinceer can “conversate.” AKA:

Flav says that such conversating went on till the lights went out, and leaves it at that. Ah, the mercy of brevity!

Despite a further attempt to get back in…

…Seezinz is shut out of Flav’s room for the night.

The next day, Black interrogates Sinceer on how she spent her night and Sinceer is all…

…”Who? Meeee?” So coy, that one!

The girls are told that they must divide three dates between themselves: a 15-minute date, a 30-minute date and an hour-long date. Just when you think this is tantamount to ordering another round of hot breaf…it isn’t. Like, at all. They all divide the dates civilly. It’s really freaking weird.

Sinceer gets the 15-minute date, a wine and cheese tasting excursion with Flav on the beach.

It soon proves to be a bit too…cultural.

Flav is introduced to camembert cheese, which he interprets as being of a camel and a bear…

Sorry! Try again.

He also eats a wedge of cheese as though he’s attempting to make it as stereotypically cheesey as possible…

That bite mark? Please someone call a mouse. The prop for his photo shoot has just arrived.

But really, the only thing important about this 15 minutes in heaven is that it gives Sinceer the opportunity to inform Flav that Black asked about how she spent her night. Get ready for this to be thrown in Black’s face in…five…four…three…

…two…one…

It is absolutely outrageous that Flav would hold Black’s question against her. “I don’t like anyone dipping into my business like that.” Hmmm, then maybe you should date one woman at a time outside in a situation that isn’t televised, how ’bout? On reality TV, nothing’s private! There were subplots devoted to Hotlanta’s possible herpes and Shy’s halitosis. We get all up in there! Of course someone’s going to ask about a major plot point such as Flav and Sinceer boning. Duh. The ultimate point is that Flav is not just terribly open to suggestion, he’s really cranky this season to boot. He leaves before Black gets her full 30 minutes.

Back at the hotel, Sinceer and Black argue about Sinceer’s tattling, of course. Seezinz looks so over it.

Black informs Seezinz that she will be taking the hour-long date. Apparently she’s forgotten that the reason she didn’t get her full 30 minuntes is that Flav didn’t want to spend that much time with her.

Whatever. They all parade down to Flav’s suite.

And he’s like, “Go away,” to everyone else but Seezinz. Of course.

Their date is going to be a French lesson.

There’s a lot of that. The instructor tells Flav to say something that he interprets as, “I’ma hold the t***.” Now you can see why these women are stepping over each other to get with him, right?

Following the French lesson is some French kissing.

And general niceness.

That all dissipates when Seezinz passes Black in the hallway after leaving Flav’s room. Black informs Flav that Seezinz said that she stuck around the competition because of the drama she provides with Sinceer, and that she figured she was getting eliminated anyway. So Flav calls Seezinz back…