Idolville: Last Night’s Five Top Moments
The end is nigh. Last night’s elimination episode was full of tears, fear, and, inevitably, only two contenders left standing. You’d be forgiven for being a little tired of the Idols at this point, so let’s highlight the non-Idol moments that made last night’s episode so enjoyable. Drumroll, please:
5. The Dolphin
Since we’re down to only three contestants and have a sold-out hour of advertising space to fill, the producers treated us to lengthy videos chronicling their trio’s individual journeys from hopefuls in a army of thousands to the three remaining stars of the show. Once again, we learned something about the Idols as people — but at the end of the day, the star of the video profiles was that charismatic dolphin who provided the memorable photo op. Upstaged by a sea-mammal? Yes, it’s true. Hey Flipper, expect a call from Simon. If he can do it for Leona Lewis, he can do it for you.
4. Tears
Each of the contenders was sent back to their hometowns to be treated like stars…before one was sent home for good like a loser. Ubiquitous in each clip? The sobbing of each contestant. David Archuleta whimpered but smiled, staying in character; David Cook took the manlier route, and cried for just a second, pressing his thumb and forefinger into his eyes as if in deep contemplation. But the Page 6 Award for Truest Celebrity Behavior goes to Syesha, who cried the way a celeb actually does: copiously and snottily, but only in the limo.
3. Local Color
The other bright spot of the hometown videos was the cameo appearances. From the mayor of Sarasota, a bubbly geriatric woman whose enthusiasm for Syesha literally turned her on her head, to the waxed-moustached and Old Glory’d mayor of Murray, UT (who declared, incidentally, May 9, 2008 to be David Archuleta Day), the costars provided a wealth of regional reality. Compared to these characters, the Idols themselves seemed positively drab. David Cook gets bonus points among the misty-eyed moms and aunts of the world for honoring his geriatric music teacher, who proudly accepted a bouquet while wearing an oversized tee shirt with her former student’s face emblazoned on it.
2. Flashy Fantasia
Last night’s traditional former-Idol performance from Fantasia Barrino wasn’t terrible — it was amazing. That’s not to say it was good; but Fantasia, tromping onstage like a vermilion-hued Grace Jones, was surely a sight – she owned the audience. Clomping around like a military general on amphetamines, the singer gurgled, screeched, and moaned her way through “Bore Me,” a song seemingly devoid of actual lyrics, and showed us what the this season’s contestants have been lacking all along: stage presence. Simon looked appalled, but no one can say that Fantasia was a bore.
1. The Joy of Knowing You Were Right
And, finally, the moment of truth: who’s it going to be? But of course, we’ve known for weeks that Syesha’s number is up, and so it was. She knew it too, and swallowed the pill staunchly. And now, at last, we can get down to the date we’ve had since the beginning: David versus David, man versus man-child. Will it be “Imagine” or “Hello”?
Only one way to tell — see you next week.
–Matthew Schneier
