Cruise-bots Ready to Ruin Big Apple



Let me be the first to say “NO THANK YOU” to the news that Katie Holmes and her master Tom Cruise will be moving to New York City so that Katie can star in the Broadway play All My Sons. Surely she’s convinced this will make her a “serious actress” – something Mad Money came so close to accomplishing, natch – but what the Cruises don’t really get is that their presence will make our fair city seriously suck. Our city is already packed with crazies stomping around in Burberry trenches and giant sunglasses. And spoiled toddlers? Yeah, we’ve got those too. Unless Tom can use his super powers to ensure that every NYC resident can easily get a cab at 5PM on a Wednesday, we’ve got no use for him here. Bah! [People]

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  1. meathead says:

    Hey, absolute2, you fool!!!!! Katie too, huh??? Tom’s gonna kick your *%! you f_cking liar!!!!

  2. Elle says:

    Don’t worry, this Move is probably only a temporary one!

  3. TEXAZZ B. says:

    Super Martian and his Stepford wife and their cute little E.T. can go anywhere their spaceship takes them. HA! I would advise Martian Man and Stepford Momma to stop giving little E.T. that DAMN BOTTLE. She’s 30yrs. old JEEZ! See Martians age more rapidly than humans, so 2yrs.old equals 30yrs.old. Planetary Invasion, Cruise Control, and Land on the NYC! It won’t be the first time Aliens wanted to take over.

  4. pete says:

    this is for you katie holmes. your such a beautiful young women who has eeverything going for you,i think you should dump that dictator tom cruise and persue your dream of becoming a star,you don’t need him or his name to do it either.don’t let one man hold you down and keep you from accomplishing what you started out to do.after i saw him on opra jumping up and down on the couch something told me he has a serious mental problem,in otherwords he found someone he could rule and control their life and you and your child deserve more than that.i’m probably a little behind the times but i had to give my 2 cents worth . your young and beautiful and have your whole life ahead of you and after seeing you it will be a successful one.god bless you and i hope you do the right thing.thiswhole thing is about one person and thats tom,he’s in love with himself.i will give him credit he is a brilliant actor